Thursday, June 28, 2007

let's play truth or dare...

Just because I've been doing an awfully lot of reminiscing the past few days,

25th June 2006,

"I wanna say it, I miss you so much. On top of that, I really love you and when I say you're pretty, you don't have to deny. You looked damn pretty by the pool yesterday and you looked damn pretty when you were in the pool. You looked beautiful and to me you always will. There's just something about you. I don't know what, but it's nice :)."

28th June 2006,

"Sigh...now it's hard for me to sleep. The only one that I have left, the only one that's so special. The only one that I love now and always, the only one that I wanna care for. The only one that I'll be looking out for, the only one that I think of everyday but I still can't seem to get enough of. The only one that I miss so much, the only one that I want to be with. The only one that I wanna hold close, the only one that I see beautiful. The only one that I'll take a shot for, the only girl that I can only dream of being so close to. The only girl I've danced with and made me wanna dance even more with her. The only girl that knows things other people don't know, the only girl that I've cried for while singing a song she finds gay. The only girl that made me happy, the only that made me feel special. The only girl that I get worried sick if anything were to happen to her, the only girl that I look forward to talking to when I get home. There can only be one of you Manju. You are indeed very special to me. Do you want to take all those things I said about you away from me? Would you do such a thing? I'm really sorry and I don't wanna lose you. And your the only girl that I wanna spend my life understanding your feelings. I love you. Forgive me."

jue*...or maybe just dare because no one tells the truth anymore.

since you've been gone.

It's amazing how insignificant you can make me feel.

I'm erasing every memory of you. I hope you're happy now.

jue*if only he knew what was under her dress.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

kiss the boys then make them cry.


Thanks for the memories Josh

...even if they weren't so great.

jue*it's just so much easier to tell everyone i don't miss him than to explain all the reasons why i still do.

Monday, June 25, 2007

this is what happens when you mess with love.

The past three days have been filled with so many mixed emotions, I'm surprised I could feel so many things at once. One moment it'd be sheer joy, the next I'd be crying, then I'd be laughing my ass off again. My hormones are so unbalance it's amazing.

Thursday

Our biannual Open Day. While some had the pleasure of skipping school, I had to dutyfully get my ass in school just because I'm still a (insertfoullanguagehere) prefect. Leaving 20 minutes before the bell was supposed to ring isn't exactly considered a perk. And I must say, out of all the teachers that have ever talked to my parents, Puan Nor Laila gets the award for being the most honest. And by 'honest' I mean tell on us with petty things that she knows will eventually get us into trouble with the parentals. While receiving my results slip (which btw, wasn't all too bad considering there were people failing in my class&form), my dad insisted on making me look like a total idiot in front of teacher which was further followed with a 'Don't Give Me That Look' lecture on the way down to pay a visit to my Add Math teacher. Like thanks Pa, you win the award for Most Understanding Father.

I went back home to spend seven and a half hours in the kitchen to bake cupcakes for my school's carnival. It was crazy trying to run a one (wo)man show - measuring the ingredients while mixing the previous batch's batter while checking on the other batch in the oven and preparing for the next batch. Plus, due to my overly pow(d)erful Cina half of me, I insisted on baking from scratch cause it saves money. Like seriously.

Friday

I wasn't feeling very into things and I think it showed in school. My blood pressure definitely took a hike up, but that seems to be happening so often now, it doesn't even bother me anymore. After school was prefect meeting followed by tuition - the usual Friday deal. But everything after 4.30pm was just a whole bunch of crazyness compacted into seven hours. After pitching our brilliant cuppacake-like idea to the class, Nique&I were left with icing 500 over cupcakes for our school carnival the next day.

The both of us can be so close when it comes to certain things, but it's very apparent that the way we function are as different as well...two very different things. I'm the calculative one, analysing everything, calculating everything making sure it's possible to complete the given task in the given time frame. Nique however, is the take-it-as-it-comes one, choosing to solve a problem only after its a problem.

Eventually, we did get most of the cupcakes done, with the help of Shal (whom we managed to con into helping us). My parent's bedroom turned into a not-so-mini refrigerator storing boxes and boxes of cupcakes so the icing wouldn't melt. The things we do for cupcakes -_-.

Saturday

Woke up bright and early, got as dressed up as my school could possibly allow and headed off for my very last Sri Aman carnival. Well, one that I would be involved in la. Within the first five minutes, I already ran three rounds around the school to get this and get that. Within the next ten, I was already on my way to becoming a very burnt chicken cause God decided to make fun at us and scorch us with blazing heat. As the cupcakes were brought in batches, I had a pretty easy time giving out the ordered ones. Ran away from the stall by 10.00am and just walked around and around the school aimlessly with different people. Snuck Muzzie&Mei into the PR only to find my seniors there, so we left after a bit to face the (still) schorching heat.

I met&hung around with so many different people that day I'm too lazy to list them all down. Baiti introduced a drooling Mei, Hang and me to Daniel Tan who happens to be a friend of a friend of Baiti's. Now that was funny. Puan Usha getting dunked was pretty funny too. However, walking around school barefooted for half the day wasn't very funny.

Had 'Security' duty later for the Sri Aman Charity Concert which basically meant a free entry while we pretended to guard the doors. And by guarding the doors I mean sitting down with Adam and the gang, laughing our heads off at all the (lame) jokes they were making. Somewhere in between, a group of us started jumping at the side of the hall because we found out D*Starz had managed to clinch a rather good position in the Top 15 for the first day at cheer. Congrats girls :). Hung around a while more after a concert before going back home and practically KO-ing on my bed.

Sunday

While Sunday is usually the day people take a break from their hectic schedules for a day of rest and leisure, I spent Sunday getting up at 6.30 in the morning to get ready for Cheer. Despite several planned attempts, I had to scratch plans of going to cheer for both days and just settle for going for one. Better than nothing I suppose. It took me forever to finally get dressed and by the time I left the house, Kim msg-ed to tell me something just so he could torment me very early in the morning.

But because Lady Luck was on my side, my wish came true and I had eye candy for the next couple of stations. Crap, he reads this blog. Oh well. I was rather intimidated by the huge crowd of Dynamitez supporters while waiting for the Star train, but I guess that's something of a norm. Reached the stadium a little after 9, and I was off meeting people. Hee, one of the benefits of not performing at Cheer :).

I wished the team luck, saw my friends, met Mandy(!!), talked/gossiped with Jude, camwhored, made extra banners and drew stars onto everyone's faces - all before the competition started. Sad to say, the turn up was less than expected and our supporters area was rather pathetic. There must have been bad luck going around at Cheer considering 40 out of the 41 teams that performed on the first day did not have perfectly executed stunts. The second day however showed much improvement (in terms of less falls) and I was pretty impressed by the advancement of the stunts shown by the participating teams this year. Kudos to all :):). Oh, and Charm's performance was nothing short of breath taking. Me like <3.

In my opinion, Titans had a nice routine but I didn't like their dance and I shall forever remain prejudice towards them. Dynamitez&Shirtliff deserve much praise and even B*Starz for showing a lot of improvement. Unfortunately, D*Starz did not have perfect stunts as one of the flyers had overworked herself and injured her leg. It's alright, you guys were still mighty fantastic. I managed some time to meet up with Mandy&Kevin (again), Dan, Zam and Yun Kit and even some people by chance like Paul, Danil, Adlan, Marcia and Isabel. Saw plenty of others too. Joshua was my company for some part of the afternoon where he was being a total prick by using my phone to call certain people. I had fun though (except when the guards came). I promise to do that thing we were supposed to do the next time we meet up, kay? :). Like seriously. Seriously.

To no surprise, the trophy went back to Dynamitez while Shirtliff and Vulcanz All Boys completed the Top 3. I'm pretty shocked Xavier came in 14th, but I guess the new point system does make a difference. Waited quite a bit after the event was over while camwhoring some more. After jokes with Misha, videos with Berls and pictures with Warren, Hana and I went down to the blue mat to watch the Dynamitez interview and although I'm not part of the team, I'm still mighty proud of them :).

Took the train back with a bunch of guys & Aishah afterwards where (as usual) we made one hell of a noise. Joshua was on the train back too (gosh, I'm really lucky when it comes to train rides ;p). The boys did something utterly silly as they got out of the train and the handful of us who didn't get down at Asia Jaya were left to take the blame. Gee, thanks -_-.

All in all, my first year as a D*Starz supporter was a rather eventful one. I'm pretty sure I'll be remembering this in years to come! Gosh, I miss cheer.

And I'm still jealous Estelle had her name thing!

jue*and the forest will give us the answers.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

and i wonder if it even makes a difference to cry.

It's always nice to wake up in the morning with an extremely sweet and long message awaiting you in your phone's inbox;

"Dearest Manjuli :). I remember the first ever OU outing we went out :). You were wearing a black top with a black mini skirt and black heels kan? Goodness, I remember :). I also remember that you were holding ***'s hand the whole time. How sakit hati k! The FIRST thought that came to mind when I saw you was, 'Crap, THIS is Manjuli? The one that looked SO innocent at probie's seminar (which was the FIRST time I ever saw you)?'. You swept me off my feet that day ;). Little did I know that you would change my world :)."

That very same OU outing was exactly two years and three months ago. We've had our ups and downs, and that phase where we weren't talking wasn't all that fun, but I've enjoyed your company every bit of the way. Sayang my nyamuk :).

jue*one day i'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore.

boys and stars.

I wasn't planning on blogging today. I've got a lot of mixed up thoughts running through my head which I don't plan on sharing right now, just in case I might come off sounding depressed.

This is a conversation I about ten days ago with Sir Lala McShorty Pants. I've come to learn that despite all the let downs I've been experiencing the past couple of weeks, in times of desperation, talking to TheExBoyfriend isn't that bad after all. I kinda miss out whacked up conversations. But it's good to know we can still (somewhat) hold a conversation between the both of us :).

After spending quite some time talking about sex, he thinking I'm not a virgin and talking about the current people in our lives, he randomly asked;

JT : why did u dump me eh? u like..just..cut it off..just like that. i was very very hurt u know? LOL. but seriously...i was.

M : *explainexplainsexplains* it wasnt cause i didnt like u anymore. but after that u didnt even try again. u just left it.

JT : but i did! i asked for another chance. but u said no..

M : its so weird talking about this now. exactly a year ago, we were still together. i remember staying up all night talking to you on the 6th. this is so weird, yet totally not awkward.

JT : if u didnt break up with me i think we would still be together. but...it happened. so yeah. i really did love u u know. as in seriously. i was mad about u. like really.

I honestly don't care what you think but I found that incredibly sweet, especially after so long and coming from him. We continued talking about a certain girl and an idiotic guy where he got all protective and wanted to punch him in the face before realising the idiotic guy is two years older and would very much win the fight.

M : what to do? i have a THING for tall skinny boyys.

JT : i cant help but to imagine him bald.

Then we continued talking about Hameer (since they were so buddybuddy at OU);

JT : I KNOW HAMEER LA K. i mean...u introduced us last year. hameer is nice la. so, technically me and hameer are friends.

M : its funny how people always mistaken hameer and i to be together.

JT : IM SURPRISED. U ARENT DATING HIM? both of u...so ngam.

Weirdness. I know a lot of people have said that but it coming from someone you used to date takes it to a whole new level.

This post doesn't even seem like a post. I'm just running out of things to say.

jue*i'm losing my mind and i don't think it's very clever.

Friday, June 15, 2007

i never thought i'd need you there when i cry.

Our second semester in school started about four days ago, and truth be told, I'm happy to be back. I'm just glad to be surrounded with familiarity, in constrast with the last two weeks of what still doesn't feel quite real. The past few days were spent not listening to the teachers in class as we spent most of the time gathered in a circle, catching up on events that happened over the last two weeks. I must say, I'm growing a rather strange fondness to spending my time with Sarah. Thanks for all the moral support lately hun <3.

It's been the same routine almost everyday now. I go to bed after expected bad conversations telling myself that the next day would be a better one, that I don't have to talk to him if it makes me feel so bad because hey, why deliberately hurt myself when I know better? But I guess the mind's a complicated thing, cause without fail, I end up losing my self control and indulge in daily messages only to get hurt once more.

I'm pretty happy I've got truck loads of work to keep me busy with and since my mind has a tendency to go blank every time I switch to this browser, here's some shameless advertising.

SRI AMAN'S CARNIVAL 07.

Date : 23rd June 2007
(I know it clashes with cheer. I've already thrown my hissy fit)
Time : 10.00 am onwards
Coupons : RM 10.00 a booklet, and whaddya know, I have some up for sale :).

SRI AMAN'S CHARITY CONCERT.

Date : 23rd June 2007
Time : 4.00pm - 7.00pm
Place : Sri Aman School Hall
Ticket price : RM 25 & RM 35
Featuring guest performances, local talent and even Charles from WhatAGirlWants :).
And yes, I do have tickets too.


I met Jude yesterday in school. It was nice seeing him after so long, and just talking to him without the immense pressure of having to impress him with well executed tumbling and perfect stunts. Today, Hana&I dropped by to watch the cheerleaders practice after our meeting. Our jaws practically dropped when we saw the stunts they've managed to learn and perfect. I'm uberly excited for next weekend where I'll get to watch them perform in their supercantik uniforms. I'm jealous already. First time in two years without Joshua.

Anyway, it's gonna be a long day tomorrow with my jumping from one event to another, so I guess I better sign off now. And if you're really bored, here's a very late and very short entry on Sports Day.

Oh and Ieka,

We'll make it through...we always do.

jue*when all i wanna hear is your voice.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

relax, take it easy.

Excuse my suicidal sounding post below. Rest assure, I'm nowhere close to holding a knife to my wrist or a gun to my head.

This may be old news, but just for future reference, the holidays was pretty well spent. And by that I mean not completing my homework, not so much as glance at my Ed Board papers and definitely not touching any books. I've found new friends, grown closer to others and unfortunately severed ties with some. And just because I feel like it,

26th May - Rompin :).
27th May - Rompin :0.
28th May - Rompin ;).
29th May - Rompin <3. Then dinner at Swensens&CoffeeBean with two bitches I've missed. Love you two to teeny tiny oreo bits la.

30th May - Spent the entire day with ElenaBanana just doing what we do best.

31st May - Went to school to flirt with Kevin pass up Bio books then off to Jaya with Nique. Twas was fun...before crap happened. Oh, and happy birthday Meer :).

1st June - Nique & Ming came over for movies, pure bumming and the usual gossiping. Me like <3.

2nd June - OU with IekaHanaSarahLexMeerAznamZai. Watched Shrek 3 where Meer mistakenly called Bambi, "Bimbo". Laughed uncontrollably not because the movie (which btw, failed to reach my expectations) was funny but just because Meer&Aznam were hilarious to watch. Lunch at Chilli's and what could have been dinner at Ms. Read's. Oh, and Aznam&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;I took a picture with Homer ;).

3rd June - OU again with the family to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Unfortunately, I was once again disappointed cause I felt it lacked the Jack Sparrow-ness. The movie effects were simply spectacular though. Bought a pair of bronze ballet pumps to match my bag. Happyness. Dinner at TGIF then supper at Uncle Bashir's.

4th June - The original plan was to ice skate at Sunway Pyramid with a whole bunch of the girls. But the girls pulled out (on that morning itself) so Annie, Nique and I watched Blades of Glory while waiting for the rest to come. Gosh, wasn't the movie just ball gripping funny? Eventually, the others arrived. Walked around aimlessly for a bit while David was explaining how horny I am. Met Mei, Mei (Boh) and Mei (Kuan), KY and Foo Soon at Secret Recipe before joining the others at the mamak outside. Witnessed a funny incident while crossing the road that made me laugh so hard, my stomach ached. Went bowling afterwards with a bunch of people, and rather unexpectedly, I had a lot of fun with Dumbmeer, Little Mogan, Aznam the King, My Liquor/Malikka, Kay Why, Foo Shoon, Acap and godknowswhoelsela. I love the randomness.

5th June - For the first time since exams were over, I actually picked up my pen and did work. Quite unwillingly I must say. But I had tuition at Nique's then we went on a whole cupcake frenzy. Released pent up anger by baking and encouraging diabetes among whoever who indulged in our cupcakes. Pat on the back for the both of us :). So whoever that's coming for my school's carnival, do drop by my class's stall to sink your teeth in a veryveryvery tasty treat. You won't regret it. And yes, we can bake okay.

6th June - Elena Banana turns 17 :). Oh, and so does Boh&Kuan. Sayang all three of them. Hee.

7th June - For the first time in a long time, I felt the feeling of pure happyness. It's the morning after effect. Something I hope I'd never feel again.

8th June - Add math tuition once again where I bummed at Nique's place cause well, that is my second home. Haha.

9th June - Ten months, Jon. ASEAN Pre-U Assessment Tests @ GIS. Saw more familiar faces than I expected too but it's all good :). Slept the whole afternoon away after sitting for PTS like IQ questions and got all dolled up for the KL International Dance Festival Gala Dinner. Boy, can those people shake their asses. They made me feel so unfit, not to mention fat. But it was a pretty entertaining night, with good food for company :).

10th June - ASEAN Pre-U Assessment Tests, day two. The math paper fried my brain but I was pretty pleased with the English one. The Babi told me about guys, girls and pregnancies where I practically walked into the car 10% grossed out, 30% shocked and 210% laughing my head off. Rushed over to Sports whatsitsname for the ICC Games where I got hell of a shelling on the way over. Went to McDeez afterwards as usual and got another round of being yelled at when I got back home. Awesome.

Spent last night with my cousins and family watching my uncle perform in Urmi. It's an eastern adaptation of The Tempest by Shakespeare.

And well, now I'm here. I'm really too lazy to continue this post.

jue*even if you cannot hear my voice, i'll be right beside you dear.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Goodbye Life, Goodbye World.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

the morning after.

Because I miss your long messages that were always filled with something sweet.
Because I hate where we are now.
Because I don't want to be a whiny bitch.
Because I wish I wasn't so clingy.
Because I regret not being there for you.
Because I've finally realised how mean I was to leave you like that.
Because I don't want to seem like I can't let go.
Because I don't want to lose you.
Because there's really no one else I'd rather think about after a long day out.
Because it's two in the morning and all I can think about is you.

But for now, I just can't deal with this. I can't stand the whole friends things. I can't stand just watching you pour your heart and soul to someone else when that person used to be me.

I hate the aftermath of things. It's like in one of the episodes on Grey's where the full effect of a patient's injuries were only felt after the heart stopped pumping adrenalin to the body. In similar ways, after keeping myself busy for so long by just spending time with friends, going out every day since the holidays have started and just doing things, I only felt the full blown effects of the past week's incidents when I was given the chance had nothing else to do but to think about them. Maybe this is why I've always taken pleasure in keeping myself busy. In a way it helps me run away from whatever it is that's slowly catching up with me from the back of my mind.

I hate over thinking things. It's a habit I wish I could lose. I'm so analytical when it comes to certain things that many a time, I spend waste a lot of time looking at a situation from every angle possible. And it's not like it does me any favours anyways. To no surprise, over thinking the whole crap I have as a "love life" lead me to feel pretty crummy today.

Which then made me realise another thing. Under normal circumstances, I'd have someone to accompany me at times like this just so I don't feel like I'm facing the whole thing alone. But as I was scrolling down my phonebook (since the one person I normally turn to during times like this was being is a jackass), I realised that I no longer feel like I have someone to turn to. Sure, very often, friends would always say "If there's anything wrong, you can turn to me". But how many really actually mean it when they say it like that? How many actually wouldn't mind you ranting on about whatever it is that you can't get out of your mind? As I see it, it's pretty pathetic to have a phonebook full of contact numbers and yet I still feel like I've been left alone. Now I can see why people start befriending Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker.

I'm not sure if today's post really had a point to it. I guess if there's no one for me to rant my feelings out to, I might as well blog about it just so I could get it off my chest. I'm in need of another outing. Anyone up for it?

"Because you can never go from going out to being friends just-like-that. It's a lie. It's just something that people say to take the permanence out of a break up. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does and then it hurts even more when inevitably, said 'friendly' relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship and it's like breaking up all over again...but messier."

jue*light up, light up, as if you have a choice.

no, i won't wait forever.

Exactly a year ago, I was happily together with Sir Lala McShortypants.

Exactly a year ago, I had him as my date.

Exactly a year ago, Muffy Popz were all the friends I needed.

Exactly a year ago, I was co-planning a party that wasn't even mine. A party that would soon lead to a series of other parties inspired by the whole bring-a-date-and-dress-up thing. I remember having the time of my life. I remember being high on oxygen. I remember spinning around in circles. I remember experiencing pure euphoria.

It's funny how so much can change within a year.

This year, we spent ElenaBanana's Sweet Seventeen with a (much) smaller group at Curve. I felt so disassociated from the whole thing cause I wasn't involved in the planning of anything neither have I actually spent good quality time with that stupid girl taking O Levels Elena in a mighty long time.

The morning started out with a little branch with Berlin and Kim. Berl&I met up first at Paddington House of Pancakes where the two of us indulged in some (I assume) very delicious pancakes which we could neither smell nor taste because of our cold. Kim came awhile later and it was just fun the three of us bickering talking about almost anything and everything. Plus, we had ice cream afterwards :).

You legal drivers, you.

Bid goodbye to those two and met up with NiqueHanaMeiAdlanAnnieMarcia&Lex who were all waiting for the Goddess to settle the karaoke reservations. That's right people, we went for a karaoke session where we belted to our favourite tunes oblivious to our surroundings. Initially we were given a tiny room, so tiny that if I didn't know the people inside, I would have thought an orgy was happening inside. I mean with ElenaVidHangNiqueHanaMeiLexAnnieAdlanLingDavidMarciaBelleZhenEstherNoviaNicoleMagMimz and me, we just had to have had a bigger room, right? And like Vid said, screaming out lungs out to songs is really therapeutic. Especially when we did Bohemian Rhapsody. I still can't believe they didn't know the song.

In between, I met up with Muzzie who was being a real prick cause he kept on calling me out to follow him to run his errands. It was fun no doubt, squabbling like old times. After successfully decreasing our levels of neuroendocrine by watching Adlan sing, the remaining number of us left the room for that pool place I don't like. Not before Elena&I took a much needed walk down the boulevard quickly running through bitchings to erm, further reduce our neuroendocrine levels. Haha. Saw a couple of people on the way back to the pool place too :).

The rest of the evening seemed to have passed by in a blur. I know that I did spend time with him which is always good. Seven out of twelve days :).The whole bunch of us minus Ling, Nique, Mei, Hana, Marcia and Adlan had dinner at Tony Roma's just to extend the celebration a little longer. And since we found poor lonely Hameer on the way, he joined us too :). I still think we only managed to reserve the table cause I was dressed very erm, nicely. Dinner was fun. Lots of good food and the bottomless coke was an added bonus. It's just fun to have dinner parties, especially when you don't have to end up washing the plates. The birthday girl was even given free dessert (and balloons too). And the waiters were really nice and the service was good. If I were one of them, I would have just chucked the plates on the table and pretend to have not heard us calling every five seconds. Maybe that's why I don't work as a waitress. But then again, we did leave a big fat tip ;).


After a very filling dinner (and being forced fed mushrooms), the group slowly started to thin out so we decided to move our asses back to Lena's place for the sleepover. It took me about ten minutes after leaving Curve to crack and well, Berl would know how I felt. Despite getting approval from my dad, I wasn't allowed to sleepover at the end because Mummy's say always overpowers Daddy's. Bitchedbitchedbitched and DHABUUUUU-ed at Razreen. The Tia Maria was so wasted on Vid man. I like <3.>

So anyways, twelve and a half hours out of the house and I'm finally back home. Thoughts are starting to race through my head and I really don't know how to stop it. Maybe some sleep may do me some good.

Oh, and just in case I look ack at this post in a couple of years, I always want to remember that look on David's face when he gets super miang. It's hilarious man. Miang Man ;). Control Little Mogan laa. Haha. And you know, even if we spent all that time together today, I still feel like I haven't seen enough of you yet. We should make it eight days. Like seriously.

jue*all i want is to find an easier way to get out of our little heads.

Monday, June 4, 2007

one last kiss.

Sunway today was very the funny. Who knew the guys were so competitive over bowling. Get better Aznam. I think you've passed me your cold.

I always needed time on my own,
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry,
And the days feel like years when I'm alone,
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side.

When you walk away,
I count the steps that you take,
Do you see how much I need you right now?

I've never felt this way before,
Everything that I do reminds me of you,
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor,
And they smell just like you,
I love the things that you do.

We were made for each other,
Out here forever,
I know we were, yeah,
All I ever wanted was for you to know,
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul,
I can hardly breathe,
I need to feel you here with me, yeah.

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you,
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too,
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok,
I miss you.

jue*i tried to give you up but now i'm addicted.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

we lie to ourselves so much that after awhile...

The sound of the footsteps were muffled by the carpeted floor. The room was soon emptied, the laughter drained except from the chuckles heard from the remaining two people there. They walked up and down the steps, took turns sitting down on the chairs, waiting for something to happen. It seemed like the world had stopped just for that short period of time. The wait grew more and more agonising as the minute hand slowly moved on their watches. But no, they did not give up. They continued their search for the unimaginable, determined that with persistance, they would prove those who walked away wrong. Little did they know, that all that wait would just leave them dumfounded at the end.

So basically Aznam and I were so convinced there was gonna be extra scenes during the credits of Shrek, we stayed back and waited and waited and waited for at least 15 minutes just to find out at the end of everything that there was no extra scenes and the rest had walked all the way to GSC already. Thanks friends -_-.
But it didn't turn out all that bad anyways. As I was leaving the cinema, I saw this amazingly gorgeous guy outside, clad in the hottest brown sweater with killer hair. I was just telling myself (I couldn't tell Aznam right?) how amazingly good looking that guy was and continued to take a closer look only to realise that guy was...

ISAIAH JOSHUA THOMAS.

Like seriously, God hates me man -_-. But it's all good. Met up with him afterwards while he continued to be very Lex (yes, Lex is an adjective from now on) and complain about the shape of his hair. Boys these days.

You know what really sucks even more than still thinking your exboyfriend is really hott? It's when your friends message you to tell him that they still think he's really hott? And you know what's even worse than that? It's when your friends are dying to just go and stalk him because he is really that hott.

And yes Joshua, I know you're reading this.

jue*...the lies start to seem like the truth.

use me; show me the jacuzzi.

Joining in the little craze, I've finally got myself to sign up at Advertlets. It's a pretty smart concept, I'm actually trying to think why I didn't come up with it first.

Anyway, to get me started, I need your help in just taking part in a very very short poll. If you scroll down, you'll see the Advertlets banner. At the bottom right side of the banner, there's two small buttons. Click the green refresh look-a-like button and just answer a couple of questions. It'll only take about two seconds...literally :).

So pleasepleaseplease help and if I actually do get ads here, I promise to belanja you double scoop ice cream with extra toppings. Please and thank you :):).

jue*blacking out the friction.

Friday, June 1, 2007

please look into my eyes and tell me that you love me...

Rules : For those who have been tagged, you are required to write a story about one of your crushes, be it a current or a previous crush. To be exactly different from the common tags, there is no questions imposed this time. All you have to do is to write a story about him/her. Also, 5 person will need to be tagged at the end of the post. You must post up these rules before you start writing.

For once, Sarah has struck the jackpot when it comes to relationship advice. Make the guy wait for too long, and he moves on.

A few questions that I need to know
How you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
And how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
But I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face
Or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter,
Either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
All the answers to my questions
I have to find...


It's surprising we ended up this way. It's surprising that after all those plans, all those words, all those promises and all those previous mistakes, we're just back at square one. The only difference is that this time you're not by my side anymore. You would think that after all that has happened last year, one of us would be smart enough to correct those mistakes but instead we've I've just fallen into a deeper hole.

I spent a good couple of weeks trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me, that no matter how close we could get, a relationship would never work. I spent so long over analyzing every single detail of our more-than-a-friendship, weighing out all the pros and cons. I'm not looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage, I just didn't want this to be yet another summer fling. I've had enough of those. And at one point I did convince myself, I was finally in control. I told myself that my reasons were good enough and I was going to call everything off. I was going to tell you that whatever it is, this couldn't just work.

So there I was, decision in hand, but then it struck me. If it took me this long to actually convince myself, wouldn't that mean you mean more to me than I could ever imagine? So I stopped pushing you aside, I stopped being the Big Bad Bitch but just like before, it was too late, you moved on. I'm not one to fight over a guy. If he decides to stop contributing to a relationship, I just let him be. In no way would I ever try to convince him otherwise.

So I post this entry today not to win you back or for you to see the other side of the story, I only post this today to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. Thank you for walking me back from school even though you were tired and in yesterday's clothes, thank you for taking the time to care, thank you for splurging money on me, thank you for all those sweet things, thank you for offering to buy me food whenever you get worried, thank you for waiting so long and thank you for being the only guy up to this day, to know me inside out.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time,
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you,
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time,
And hung me on a line,
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you.
Maybe I'm a girl,
Maybe I'm a lonely girl,
Who's in the middle of something,
That she doesn't really understand.
Maybe I'm a girl,
And maybe you're the only man,
Who could ever help me,
Baby, won't you help me understand?


And I tag : Nique, Elena, Mandy, Hang and Belle even though I practically know most of your stories.

jue*...cause i need to hear that lie one more time.