one boy, one girl. two hearts, their world.

Sometimes I just don't get people. Take for example someone you know had passed away a few weeks ago. Most people expect you to be over it because heck, there's nothing you can do to change what had happened. But when you plaster a smile in front of everyone, they wonder why you're not locked in your room crying multiple rivers/oceans/seas/thingthathavewaterinit. It's as though nothing you do could satisfy them, because one way or another, you're not living up to someone else's expectations.

That was just a random thought. Plenty more from where that came from and I've tried to type them all out but it just seems silly when whatever it is I'm thinking of is said out to the world. So for the time being, I'm just going to keep them in for a while. Not like it's a matter of life or death anyway.

I was watching Bring It On 3 : All Or Nothing the other day. Sure, call it a bimbotic movie, but the (ex)cheerleader in me needed to watch it. And that movie got be thinking (ironic much), do cheerleaders seriously act like that? I mean, some of the characters are just really empty up there. So empty you could probably see the thumbleweed roll by. And from personal experience, the cheerleaders I know aren't exactly very shallow. I know some people beg to differ but I don't think movies just don't us justice. Oh well whatever.

Okay, I've lost my mojo to blog. It was fun while it lasted.

Oh yes, the ex-boyfriend called about a week ago. He called to ask for a friend's ex boyfriend's number. Yup, I think I might have just driven him to homosexuality. Oops? :)

And thank you to an uber (hehe, just had to) nice friend, who kept me company until the ghosts in my room decided to fall asleep to. I miss having late night phone calls <3.

jue*you can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy.

p/s I've decided I really don't like jumping topics in one blog post. Seems so...disorganized.

it's unbelievable but i believe you.

The last time I was at a sleepover, I fell asleep without changing out of my dress and woke up the next day with my make up all smudged. Did I mention I had the cheer photo shoot the next morning?

But this sleepover will be different and I'm making sure of that. There's just something about sleepovers that feels so satisfying. Something about getting a couple of your best buds together and spending the night just being yourself, letting yourself go with the people you trust and love. There's something about the prank messages, the mamak sessions, the midnight baking, the boyfriend calls, the early morning confessions and the emo movies. There's just something about everything, there's just something <3.

It's 2.11 in the morning now and since Babi 1 has ditched me for a phone call and Babi 2 is listening to their conversation, I'm left here with my own thoughts floating around my head.

IwantaboyfriendjustsomeonetoholdmewhenIneedsomeonethere.

Iwantsomeonelikehimtoarguewithmeoversillythingsthatdoesntreallymatteratall.

IwantsomeonetobewithmeattheplaygroundandtomakemesureIfeelrightwhenIfeellikethrowingup.

IwantthingsIknowIcan'thavenomatterhowmuchIwouldwantthemtoo.

IwantthingsIKNOWI'llneverhavebutcan'thelpbutwishing.

And for the sake of random thoughts, I wish you could trust me as much as I trust you because somehow I don't think that you do. I don't think you tell me everything even though you say you do and frankly, that really sucks. Anyway, it's getting late and latenightconfessiontalks are calling to me so have fun with your tv shows while I bond with my babes -in a very non sexual way thankyouverymuch.

And oh yeah, new layout. Feel free to comment. Cheers.

jue*silence is so freaking loud.

count to 29 and i'll attend to you, for sure.

I think it's my future wifely-ness that contributes to my urge to always...clean. It's funny that a self-proclaimed perfectionist can never keep anything tidy, from my room, to my study desk to all the corners of the house that I've decided to dump my junk. So if you see my during the beginning of the holidays (or in this after exams), I'm always tidying or arranging something.

Today was not an exception. Out of boredom, I decided to colour coordinate all my clothes, arranging them in different colour piles. Not to worry, I shall not bore you with the details but upon doing so, I stumbled upon a little box I haven't seen in a while. Of course I recognized it. Its a little rectangular box with the letter M coloured in front, placed in a bright red heart. I checked the contents of the box, and lo and behold, I found the old letters Mavind sent to me, back in standard 6. It's sad that the art of love letters have long been forgotten but somehow oddly comforting to read back on our silly times.

After moving on to my bedside shelf, I came across a notebook only half used. Talk about killing the trees. I flipped through the pages and came across a very sweet message I had copied from a series of smses I got back in the days (fine, it was only last year) when I used to "borrow" my daddy's handphone and message a certain someone during odd hours of the night.

If I were to tell you I love you a 100 times over, it wouldn't mean as much as the first time.

But I'd tell you I love you a 100 times and love you more as the number climbs.

And all the times I didn't say, how much I love you in every way, I wished you stay in my arm's today, so I can chase your fears away.

And now I tell you I love you, and tell you now I wish I could find you there within my arms so soft and warm and loving more.

Love you dear :).

Although it may seem like its been ages ago, I doubt the feeling has changed very much. You know I'll always be there for you and I know you'll do the same when I need somebody there. I'm sorry I haven't been myself lately, and I'm hoping this is just a phase. But I am sure, just as sure as that the sun will rise in the morning and the moon will come out and night, I am sure that you will be there when I finally decide to come out of my cave. Just give me time kay?

jue*you remind me of a song i used to love.

life is like a pack of gum..i've yet to figure out why.

It's randomly seeing Superman (twice) on an ordinary Tuesday night that makes me go to bed with a smile on my face :).

Anyways, a total random post just because I have been out of the blogging scene for over a week. Too much to happen and I honestly don't have enough mojo to blog all about it. But what the heck, I've already deleted six drafts prior to this post, so I might as well give it another shot. Anybody heard of lucky number seven?

It's quite anti climatic now that exams are over. Needless to say, I practically (insertswearinghere) all my papers but I'm just glad its over and done with. Exams seriously messed me up this time, I think I just might need to see a shrink. We got back all three Sciences today and I guess I did pretty okay, with the exception of Physics where I got a stinking B. But considering I was expecting a C, I guess a B doesn't sound too bad. Pretty disappointed when I told my dad my marks and all he said was, "So, done with the buttering up, what bad marks did you get?"

Like ouch, talk about a blow to the self-esteem.

Honestly, I don't see why we bother attending school after exams, especially on days like today. School was so boring that Shal decided to make a make-shift bed and tried to get as comfortable as she can on plastic chairs. But I guess since I L-O-V-E prefects so much, might as well tunjuk muka, right?

I began to write again, just anything from the top of my mind. I wrote on three sheets of paper before crunching it up, and throwing it into the bin. If only I could really do that. Just bottle up everything and chuck it somewhere, to forget about it, to totally erase it from my memory. I've been feeling so much lately, I don't know what I feel anymore.

On another school related topic, in case you don't already know, DC has been pushed to the 8th of December, and woopdeedoo, I'll only be halfway across the world by then. Elena's call certainly woke me up, and this whole nonsense has given me yet another reason to hate extremely dislike Interact this year. But wtv. Shyt happens. I'm just too tired to be putting up with it.

Yup, I totally agree - life is just peachy :).

jue*what do you have to kill to feel alive?

i'm running away from this messed up place.

10.40pm; 2 months ago.

Not a day has gone by without you being the first and last thought on my mind.

I miss you Dodol, always and forever <3.

*click*

*click*

*click*

*click*

jue*because the world wasn't meant for someone as beautiful as you.

love me even if i'm stupid?

I haven't been online for a week.

I swear, this exams are sucking every bit of (fucking) life outta me.

I think know I'm beyond screwed.

God, someone help me.

jue*i thought you were my fairytale.