for you are not lost.

The Book Of Jon

CopyWriterStudent
Somandyk

Viddy

Huey Sing

I don't do it conciously, but somehow every Wednesday, I find out something new about Jon. Something that makes me even more proud (if thats possible) to have been one of the many to have known him. Even last Wednesday, I spent my night reminiscing with Vid on all the memories we've built with Jon. The strange things he has ever said, the gossip he's shared with us and those dirty little secrets. The first time in a long time that I could speak about Jon without resulting in tears.

But last night as I tucked myself into bed, a sudden rush of emotions took over me. It wasn't long before I broke down into tears again. I just couldn't help it. Somewhere in my mind, there was a part of me still thinking I would be meeting him at the next campfire or VI event. I know thoughts like that won't do me any good, but sometimes, you just can't control what your mind chooses to think.

As the thoughts in my mind began floating around, as the memories began consuming my mind for yet another time, I sat up on my bed still tightly wrapped in my comforters and muttered a silent prayer. A prayer to Jon because I know he would have heard it somehow.

I'm still amazed at the number of lives one man of only 16 years could have touched.

jue*when i feel lost, something tells me you're here with me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

(written by Ameer, taken off his friendster page)

I Stand Here...

I stand here before you a new man,

Changed and humbled,

Because knowing you made me human,

You made me learn to love,

I stand here beside you not alone,

But with those you know,

You gave hope and touched many,

And showed man time is gold,

And family is greater than that,

So we showed you,

A school is not made of walls,

But from real heart and soul,

As we all shed tears of sorrow,

For a lost that came from us,

We stand here with you,
To what you want and may,

You wish for a dance,

We gave a dance and salute you till the end,

And for the last time we watch,

As hard it may be and became harder,

Words could not describe emotions,

Because 'facta non verba',

Do not fred for he is not lost,

As long as in our minds and soul,

We remember,

So I bid you farewell and hope to see you again,

In another life of great serenity....

"Long Live The Fighting Jon"

like all the clouds decided to cry.

Hi, my name is Manjuli.

During cheer, I sat in between two guys who have now been proclaimed as my boyfriends.

Yes people, boyfriendS. Meaning both of them.

Why?

Because I'm a maneating whore.

Cause we all know what they say, two boyfriends are better than one :).

....HAH. Bitch about your own life, will you?

Some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut. It's alright though. Cause sooner or later, everyone will find out the truth and who's the one left with no friends? It doesn't matter anymore, cause really, all you do just humours us. I wish I could help you, but I've already tried long and hard enough.

Good luck with your life in the Cave of No Friends.

jue*laughing with your broken lies.

exchanging body heat in the backseat of a black jeep.

I've been pretty out of the blogging scene simply because blogspot was being a little pms-y on me. Like blogger, like blog, eyh? Oh well. And because I'm too lazy to go into detail of our so-called holiday (which really can't be called a holiday considering the amount of nonsensical work we have) so I'll pointlessly do this survey. Just to amuse you :).

Name 20 Random People
1. Lim Dominique Jo
2. Elena Teh Su Yin
3. Isabelle Yeow Shu Ling
4. Shalini Julia John
5. Ong Vern-Ming
6. Lim Wei Zhen
7. Isaiah Joshua Thomas
8. Dan Yeo Kim San (right? :S)
9. Kim Tjon Jeim
10. Nur Syafika Zazili
11. Miriam Tiong Mei Ern(ness)
12. Davinya Suresh
13. Chia Eu Jinn
14. Amira bt. Baharin
15. Isaak K. John
16. Lexandl Gan Yan Hien
17. Vidhya Raman
18. Anirwan Joshan Chowdhury
19. Lingesh Krishnan
20. Hana Syaswani bt. Johari

1. How did you meet 14?

Amira Bee – Through school. Form 2 Senior when I was just a little kid. Or maybe its because of my brother? *gaspeth*. HAHA. No regrets though. :)

2. What will you do if you never met 1?

Nique – OMG. I’d be missing one of by bestest best friends in the entire solar system. I won’t have a tuition partner, or my own personal advice machine. I won’t have a home to go across the street whenever I’m feeling bored. I wouldn’t have someone to jolt me back to reality whenever I get a little over my head. And most of all, Muffy Pops would be missing a finger collector.

3. What will you do if 20 and 9 dated?

Hana & Kim – Some people would get extremely jealous. Very weird pairing.

4. Did you ever like 19?

Lingesh ­– LMFAO.

5. Would 16 and 17 make a good couple?

Lex & Vid – Wait, who’s taller again? They would probably have a very quiet relationship. VERY quiet.

6. Describe 3.

Belle ­– My beloved tablemate. We drive each other up the wall. Not to say we’re total opposites, we just differ in thoughts a lot. She’s like this laughing hooligan and you know something’s up when she smiles at you and starts laughing. Sometimes she’s so clueless, but she handles bitches oh-so-well ;). Boy magnet since she was in diapers. Too bad she’s in love with Spiderman.

7. Say something about 7.

Joshua - ...

8. Do you know any of 12's family?

Davi – I know she has a younger brother, and obviously her mum and dad. Never met them before, though stories about them can be pretty interesting. ;p

9. What is 3's favourite?

Belle – My egoistic self would like to say me but I’ve a feeling the what has to change to a who and it’ll be someone with the name Isaac? :)

10. Who is 9 going out with?

Kim ­– I’ll get back to you on this one.

11. How old is 16 now?

Lex – 16 years and 2 months-ish.

12. When was the last time you talked to 13?

Jinn ­– Omg, its been ages since we’ve had a proper conversation because someone is just too occupied with SPM. That’s more important larh horh? -_-

13. 2's Favourite Band/Singer.

Lena – CHIPMUNKS :D! Naah, she’s pretty in love with a certain someone’s playlist. ;)

14. Would you date 4?

Shal – Yes, definitely. When I actually decide to date a girl.

15. Is 15 single?

Isaak – Good question.

16. 10's last name.

Ieka – Zazili.

17. Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?

Miriam – Refer to question No. 14. :)

18. Which school does 18 go to?

Annie ­­– BBBS.

19. Where does 6 live?

Zhen – Opposite OU. Haha.

20. What's your favourite thing about 5?

Mingie ­­­- He's willing to waste credit on me. :)

21. One outstanding thing about 8.

Dannie ­– He has a non existent girlfriend and loves to go on dates with boyys. Oh, and he likes elephants with big ears and long trunks :D. (I just made you lose brownies points with your future girlfriends didn’t I?)

22. People I tag.

(insert names here)

And there you have it, now go outside, jump around, scream like a hooligan and proclaim your everlasting love to that bitch next door. Love much.

jue*blink and you miss it.

amazing grace.

"Hey sweetheart, your friends are here to see you. They've come to see how you're doing. They're so pretty dear. You've always had good taste"

...and then I just broke down and cried.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its been a week now. Exactly a week. And as much as I want him here, I know its best for me to just let go. I admit, its difficult when so much reminds me of him. But nothing I think, do or say will bring him back and I might be coming into terms with that.

And for you Jon, I've learnt how to play Amazing Grace on the piano.

"Well that was his gift. I really don't know what I'll do in his position but I feel that what he did was amazing. When everyone else was breaking down, he held on so they would have somewhere to take refuge. So that when they need a shoulder to cry on, he can be the one to offer it, to be one less worry."

jue*how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.

gone but not forgotten.

Hey Jon,

Time passed by so quickly. Its been three days already since you left us to join the angels above. I finally went to your house today, after you trying to make me go for so long. Its so pretty, up on a hill where it feels like you could overlook the world. So like you, to be watching over everyone else.

I met your aunts, saw your cousins, your sister, your brother and of course your parents. It seems like your family has a streak of good looking genes. You fitted right in. I couldn't go inside your house immediately. I sat down for a little while, Vid and Jil by my side. Slowly, I gathered all my thoughts about you. The memories you've left me. Do you remember the gathering two years ago? Or the time where you grabbed my hand and dragged me out during your campfire to play Love Tunnel? I definately remember the time you almost lost our Cheer performance CD, and the time you faced your fears and sang two songs I'll never forget.

After a while, I got up to walk inside. One of your aunts greeted me and brought me to see you. I'm so sorry Jon. You always told me to be strong. The first time you told me what the doctors told you, I just couldn't help but cry. You were only 15 then. Only 15, but so strong in spirit. You told me not to cry, not to worry. But this time, as I saw you laying there, cross over your chest, I couldn't hold myself together anymore. You reminded me of the first time we met, where you were wearing that exact same uniform, your Scouts uniform. You talked so much about Scouts last time. You were so dedicated and passionate about it. Think of Jon, think of Scouts. You looked so peaceful, like there was nothing in the world that could bother you. The suffering had ended for you and I'm happy for that.

When I wanted to open my mouth to speak, words had failed me. I stood there, looking down, knowing that you understood everything I was going to say. You always had that about you. I didn't need to speak for you to understand what I was going through. You never let me feel like I was alone. You pretended to be interested just so I'll have someone to rant to about things that seem so small now. Pictures of you were framed up around. The white leaftlet handed out had a picture of you too. Even now you still look like the charming guy I once fell in like with.

Soon, the Victorians started coming. I'm amazed how just one person could bring so many people together. Friends of friends, friends of friends of friends. The world was so closely connected through you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have participated in last year's Treasure Hunt. I wouldn't have met Ming, Dan, Zam or any other Victorian. People talked about what a gentleman you are. About how you lived your life with all optimism and full of love. I sat there quietly learning things about you that you yourself couldn't tell me. I never knew you played the trumpet in primary school. Your mum sang Amazing Grace just like you wished. You had never let me read the poems you wrote, but today one of them was read. It was beautiful.

Later, we walked through the roads you once used to play on, the neighbourhood you grew up in. I walked with Jil, taking in the sights and sounds that you experienced. When we reached Kampung Tunku, we said out last goodbyes, placing white roses on you. I took a last glance at your face and wished you well. I silently prayed that you would always remember us, because we certainly could never forget you. I couldn't stay for long, there were plenty of other people that came to see you off as well.

I stood at the back of the crowd crying once again. You bring back so many emotions to me, I should be declared Supergirl if I managed to keep them all in. As I was walking out, I looked back just one last time. I'm not sure if I've accepted the fact that I'll never see you physically again but I do know that there's a little part of you in all of us.

Jon, you lived a life so short, but so fulfilling. You've touched so many people in so many different ways. You had this way of talking to people you've just met as though you've known them for ages. You made each and every person you've come across feel so special. And most of all, you've made me feel so special in ways I couldn't imagine. The lessons you've thought me I could and would never forget. I'm sure I'll be seeing you in your next life.

May you rest in peace.

jue*everytime you do that thing you do.

jonathan gan.

In Loving Memory Of

Jonathan Gan

26th July 1990 - 9th August 2006

I was ready to go to bed when my sister passed the phone to me. At first I thought it was Vid making sure I got her message that she couldn't stay for long for today's meeting. I never expected what I heard next. She told me slowly, "Jon..Gan..passed...away." I took a while to digest those four words. I was so sure it was a mistake. So sure she got her facts wrong.

...She wasn't.

That night, I cried buckets. I couldn't fall asleep because all I could think about were the "What If's". He just turned 16 two weeks ago. He told me he had gone through a few operations and was recovering...until he went unheard of for a couple of months. By 6 in the morning, my eyes were dry and puffy but my pillow case was soaking wet. I got out of bed wishing it was a dream, that everything I heard last night was all just my imagination.

I got ready for school, stepped into the PR not knowing what to do. I spent the morning just staring into space, my mind was totally blank. Soon, the news spread to my friends. They would come up to me, ask me if I was okay and comforted me with a hug. I just stood there, shaking my head, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Even as I sat for the first two papers, I couldn't stop crying. In the other rows, I could see Carmen and Vid doing the same. Other friends, not knowing what happened passed remarks that I looked pale and questioned why I wasn't my usual cheerful and talkative self.

Its hard to pretend everything is for the better when all you want to do is see his face just one more time.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Jon,

I regret that I never will have the chance to say this to you face to face. You made more than an impact on my life. It was only two years ago when we first met at my school's gathering. Almost immediately we started talking and a friendship blossomed from one rose...my very first rose. And ever since then, you were always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Where are you now? However, I will never regret getting to know someone as special as you. We've shared so much between each other from the little things to the issues that could have shattered the world.

As I sit here crying again, I choose to remember you as the guy who never failed to brighten up my day even on your bad days. I admire your courage and strength to face everything that God has thrown to you over the past year. You left us too early, way to early. But maybe this is for the better, only time will tell. I'm going to miss you Jon.

I'll miss your black convos with me. I'll miss your lame smses filling up my inbox. I'll miss sharing love stories with you. I'll miss calling you dodol. I'll miss you annoying me about how hot Emma Watson is. I'll miss listening to your endless list of girls. I'll miss your ego. I'll miss the way you made my heart skip a beat. I'll miss your dances. I'll miss hearing your voice on the other side of the phone. I'll miss having identical playlists with you. I'll miss your smile. I'll miss the way you made me smile. I'll miss the way you made me laugh. I'll miss you singing Last Kiss and Doing that Thing You Do. I'll miss the way you made me feel so special. I'll miss you. I'll miss everything about you.

Thank you for two amazing years. Thank you for that campfire I'll never forget. I'm sorry I didn't live up to my promise. May you rest in peace. Save a place in heaven for me.

Oh where oh where can my Jonnie be,

The Lord took him away from me...

jue*maybe God needed another angel.

when it rains, it pours.

Somehow, even though it was announced over a month ago, a little part of me told myself not to give up hope that miracles could happen if the person really deserved it. I reminded myself that nothing is final until they get installed, and officially wear their navy blue blazers and Miss World-like sashes. So I prayed, and cried, and prayed some more, pushing for a miracle. Unfortunately, Lady Luck wasn't on my side, and the impossible dream was well...impossible.

To see someone do something you want to do so much, to see someone taking over something that should have been yours...I don't think I've ever been this disapointed before. But life is not and never will be fair, and there's nothing anyone can do about it except to hold back the tears, fake a plastic smile and pretend like nothing is wrong.

And it'll be much appreciated if you don't tell me to get over it cause you have no idea how hard I (and some others) worked for this. And it's not alright to lose from a popularity contest. However, a big thank you to those who believed in what I am/was capable of, and even though I don't know who exactly who you are, I'll never forget having you behind my back.

Oh well.

Like Aishah said, "Can't she just friggin get over it?"

So here's my congratulations to the new Board of Directors of ICSA 06/07.

President : Vanushia Thirumal.

Vice President : Sherrie Tam.

Secretary : Siti Nuraishah Pilus.

Treasurer : Esther Lee.

Comm. Service Dir : Nikki Lim.

Club Service Dir : Shobini Balraj.

IU Dir : Shalini J.

Finance Dir : Miriam Tiong.

Sgt. At Arms : Nur Syafika Zazili

Editor : Darshini.

Good job to the BBians on an install well done. I had fun yesterday. :)

Viva La Interact.

jue* standing on the edge of tragedy, waiting for someone to push her off.