Wednesday, February 28, 2007

we accept the love we think we deserve.

I was blog hopping the other day when I stumbled upon this blog and although it's nothing fancy, I simply L.O.V.E. the following post :

I want a boy. A nice and cute boy. Someone who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me. Hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. Someone who would think I was beautiful if I dressed so trashy it was classy. Someone who would sing to me at random moments. Someone who would let me sleep on their chest. Someone who's hip bones make me want to have sex with them. A boy who would beat the shit out of someone if they called me fat.

I want someone who wouldn't mind buying me bouncy balls whenever given the chance. This boy would wear his hats side ways and let me wear them too. When he goes away, he would call me 3 times a day. He would apologize for calling too much and no matter how many times I tell him its okay, he still does it--And I don't get sick of it. He wouldn't mind me reciting the lines to all my favorite movies. He would surprise me with 25 cent rings. And on his birthday, I'd treat him to his favorite restaurant.

We would have contests of how far we could spit our gum, or how far we could jump off a swing. He would take me to the park. We'd make fun of people at the mall together. He would grab my waist and kiss my neck. Sometimes at night we would put on music and we'll dance in our pyjamas. Oh and I'd love his bed head. And we'd always take pictures in photo booths. He'd never turn down a trip to the boardwalk. We would play tag on the beach. He'd tell all his friends about me and smile at me when he did. This boy would call radio stations and dedicate songs to me. We'd sit on the kitchen floor and eat PB&J sandwiches. We'd kiss in the rain.

He would write me notes to tell me where he was if he left when I wasn't around. Whenever I saw a funky purse, he'd encourage me to buy it. He'd always tell me when something didn't look good, and I wouldn't mind. We would play Playstation. Sometimes he would teach me how to play guitar, but he would always end up laughing at me. He’d make cute noises in his sleep, like when he’d roll over. He'd run his fingers through my hair. Someone to share lollypops with. He will get along with all my friends, and vice versa.

We'll go to the diner real late and make friends with everyone there. He would never be embarrassed to say "I Love You" in front of his friends. He never censors himself if he wants to say 'cute' or 'aww'. I want a boy who can argue over stupid things with me, and then go totally soft when I got sad and apologized. I want a boy who would take me to a place like Target just to make fun of certain things. He'd love music just as much as I do, but still have that punk rock side to him. We'd have a candle lit dinner with take out. He would pretend box with me and buy me swords at toy stores. We'll kiss at midnight on new years in Times Square. We would make funny faces at each other when im on the phone.

I want a boy who can sing to me acoustic. I want someone who would lay with me outside under the stars. I want a boy who appreciates the trashy side of a girl. Someone who would take me to the city just to walk around. Someone who will squirt me with water guns in the house. Someone who would tell me I was beautiful, but not too often. Talk on aim about stupid things. Someone who would look me in the eye and tell me something very, very serious, yet silly and tell me not to laugh. Someone who would make me laugh like no one else could. He'd pick up a flower for me while walking. We would scream every word to every song we listened to.

He'd surprise me all the time. He wouldn't break my heart or lie to me. A boy who would watch me put makeup on and then tell me I didn’t need it. A boy who likes stars also like I do. We'd quote lines from movies or songs to describe the moment. He'd hold me closer than normal if I was sick. His feet wouldn’t bother me as much as everyone else’s do. He would draw me pictures. He'd let me pick out a few cute shirts for him, and we'd play dress up. When we kissed our hips will be pressed together. He'd play with my hair. We’d go to different phone booths and call each other. We'd fight sometimes. But he never settles on what I think, it would have to be mutual.

I want a boy who wouldnt mind to change his ways and open up to me.

jue*oops, i appear to have fallen on your lips.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

red drops of roses.

Quoting myself from Nique's blog;

"Of roses, hearts, 8 seater tables, kindergarten decorations, perfect confetti, the ultraman dance, and a (meat)ball of time with awesome company. Like Ming said, we'll pull through, and we did."


I can honestly say that about at 12 noon today, I was ready to cry and just leave the school. About almost everything wasn't going as planned, and it if wasn't for a certain someone, I would have never went back up to the hall.

But I'm (pretty) happy I did. The event we've been planning for for weeks, working my ass off to make everything a success, designing and redesigning things, scouting around for items and promoting like crazy is finally over. And I thank you if you came to support us in making this event a success :). If my calculations are correct, we would have been able to raise over RM5000.00 for the National Heart Foundation and I think that's a pretty big amount for a school event. We raised RM 9000++ which is an ENORMOUS amount! YEAY! :). So to my fellow organising committee members, give yourself a good pat on the back for a job well done.


The real work started yesterday when a (very small) group of us went to Sri Sedaya to start putting up some deco. The turn up was so bad, some of the BBians came to help. It was a pretty funny day. We bugged the guys into staying longer to help us but five minutes later, Miriam&I cabut-ed back to her place. Hehe :).


So there I help draw heart shape thingies while she whined about godknowswhat and we exchanged stories on how guys are stupid. Btw, I'm turning lesbian and I'm dating Mimz now. Woo tothefreaking hoo. Then we went to Petaling Street to buy roses and being the geniuses that we are, we (I'm taking partial credit here) found rose petals and we bought two bags of it :). Bought our 144 roses as well before meeting up with Lena and going back to Mimz's where we were tortured kind enough to help her organise the roses. Played with Shandy, poked each other with thorns, complained about useless people and laughed about laughable things.


I woke up today feeling a little sick but I got ready anyways after finishing some last minute work. Took a nice long shower, got dressed, did my make up, searched for baskets, counted tickets, bought drinks and then went to Sri Sedaya. The deco looked presentable to guests above the age of 6 today so that's good. But as the clock struck noon, things started going downhill. The table rental guy delivered 8 seater tables instead of 10 which meant we were lacking 90+ seats. A very smart Interactor only provided one square table for the buffet instead of the requested 6. And by smart I mean not so smart. And by not so smart I mean OMGDON'TEVERVOLUNTEERTOBEINTHEOCAGAIN. Number of souvenirs requested weren't enough. Ticket sales were mixed up. Raffle tickets weren't selling. I seriously wanted to cry (along with a whole bunch of other things). But I didn't because I didn't want to get my make up ruined. Seriously. So I took a deep breath, went downstairs, sat there for a while before making my way up again.


Thing started getting better afterwards. I kept on screaming to Zhen and she would sort out whatever it was. Haha, thanks dear :). Kepo-ed here and there and the boyys started arriving :). ElenaMimz&I scattered rose petals everywhere to entertain ourselves, including the elevator! Did the final sound check and before I knew it, the other people started arriving and the registration tables were crowded as ever. Sempat jugak I take pictures with the Aishah and the Ieka :).

Guys being conned into buying roses.

Ran around before settling at a table. Well...kinda. I went in and out and backstage quite a bit but I managed to hang around my friends a little :). The overall event wasn't as bad as I pictured it to be with satisfying performances and a heck load of funny moments. I'm guessing the food was alright but I wouldn't really know since I didn't eat anything minus a couple of brownies and watermelon at the end of the event. The raffle prizes were drawn and someone who bought the ticket from me won =D. Well, initially la. But then they redrew. And I still don't know why. Amanians sapu-ed all the prizes man. Serve you all right for putting all your luck into one measly ticket. Haha.


The dance floor was started off with line dancing that soon turned into some weirdoes of the guys (I refuse to admit that I actually know them) dancing the Ultraman Dance. Like seriously. It was hilarious. I turned back and saw the juniors follow suit. I practically went O_O. So people danced, I camwhored, other people stoned, I continued camwhoring. It's all good :). There was one part where some guys started shuffling and there really wasn't any point because there wasn't much of a super wowWOW effect since well, it was 5 in the evening.


The dance floor sort of continued while others started leaving. We started clearing up the place with the guys and parents helping too :). Sho shuweet. Served watermelons to people Leon who freaking finished an entire tray. Re-introduced some of the guys to my parents and I swear, my dad probably still thinks I'm with Hameer. "Pa, you know Hameer right?"; "Yeah, yeah. Wow, Hameer, you've lost weight. Looking good."; "Oh ye ke uncle? Thank youu *kembang*." -____-


And my parents liked the guys so much, they offered to drop some of them back. The best part of the event for me was the end. We had so much leftover food, we decided to donate them to charity. So Nique, Vanu and I headed off to three different places. My mum wanted to go the Rumah Hope, but since they've already had their dinner, I suggested Prudential because the kids I met from there during Art Fiesta were just so adorable! As we were taking the food down from the car, the lady told us that their maid had gone back home and she was trying to figure out what to cook for the kids tomorrow. Not wanting to trouble her, the kids just opted for Maggi Mee. But since we gave the roti jala, chicken curry, sandwiches, nuggets and what not, they'll be having that instead. Although I didn't buy the food myself, it made me feel so good :). The kids thanked us at least six times. So sweet :).

Dad : What school do you all go to?
Kids : Taman Sea.
Dad : Oh, Taman Sea. Do you know me then? I'm always at your school (trying to boost his ego).
Kids : *shakeshead*
Dad : Do you know my son?
Kids : *shakeshead*
Dad : Manimogan?
Kids : (all at once) OHHHH, MA-NI-MO-GAN. Runs very fast waaan. School runner.
Me : -_-

So there you go. It's been a while since I've had a Saturday this eventful. Until next time;

jue*then when it seems like we can never smile again, life comes back.

Footnote : As honest as I would like to be, for the sake of friendship, this is a cotton candy-ed, rainbow striped post. I would publish what I really of the event and the process of getting to the event, but as the saying goes, "some things are better left unsaid". To all those who actually did go for the event, I hope you had fun, even if at certain points, it seemed a little impossible. Cheers.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

together is where we belong.

Paolo Nultini is playing on loop. Yeah, I'm in that mood again.

Today was good. Not in the sense of the events, but it was good for me. If you've listened to me rant enough, you would know how much I've been longing to go back to UK, for my own personal reasons. But today reminded me of how much these weirdoes actually mean to me, and showed me that we still are very much capable of getting together and having a (meat)ball of a time :).


Oh and we walked to OU from Curve. No kidding. Not like it was that far. But still, it was pretty funny. Jil kept on cursing me to get raped or something just because I was wearing a skirt. And just as we were crossing the road to OU, the guys were like, "You girls don't even care about Hameer ah?". Crap, we didn't realise he was missing. But it's all good :). He came back safe, and started lecturing me on necessity. Tak per la, I still sayang you lil stingy fella.

Oh and Praevin treated me to ice cream. YEAY :D.

I like today. Yeah.

jue*shame on me for wanting things the way they used to be.

Monday, February 19, 2007

gravity is working against me.

EMO BEMO.

That's what my blog has been reduced to. An emo dumping ground. So to cut the whole streak of emo OMGHEDOESN'TLOVEME posts, here's a funny convo two of my friends had that just got me laughing bollocks. Mind you, this was two years ago, so the situation has kind of changed. But still, reading back on this, I reallyreally love my friends to itsybitsy oreo bits :).

(bits of the convo have been removed to shorten it)

K : Is it safe to come out yet?
Z : Come out?

K : Haha. Nvm. Lightning's a bitch.
Z : Hey, seriously, L is a bitch man.
K : LOL. I was kinda talking about lightning you know.
Z : Ju's getting so worried she's crying reading her past convos with L.
K : @$^!$^!#$@^
Z : Dude read this : (okay, the pasted convo didnt get saved)
K : Oh godd.
Z : He's such a fucker. Seriously if he hurts Ju in any way I'll hit him.
K : And I wasn't here. Lighning's a bitch.
Z : No. L's the bitch. I got so pissed off at the last part.
K : Fuck it you want me to get L back?
L says : She better stop fucking bout me....or she is seriously gonna see the nasty part of me.
And he wants to see the nasty part of me?
Z : That's why I got so fucking pissed. Seriously I want to hurt him man. I'm really pissed off.
K : So what now?
Z : We'll deal with him tomorrow. We cant do anything now that he's offline now can we?

K : He is?
Z : Yea, he is. Checked with 5 accounts. Lex and I. Even Lex got pissed. Hey he really is stupid man.
K : I'm going to jail tomorrow. I need to be here during Ju's birthday but I'll be in jail.
Z : Hmm, I'll be in jail too then. Hey seriously, I want to hit him. To make him notice that he's making a big mistake turning his back on us.
K : I don't fucking care if he doesn't want to be with us. If he wants to be an idiot be lah an idiot. I don't want a friend that needs convincing he's my friend. But you don't bullshit with me about Ju cause you're really pushing it.
Z : Ermm, when you said me, you don't really mean me right?
K : I mean him.
Z : Oh okay. Got me worried there. L's such a bitch la.
K : Tomorrow futsal 10 30?
Z : No. 12 30. It's changed.
K : Ok. L coming?
Z : He's coming to give the ball only. We make him stay for a talk. Seriously.
K : He's leaving without balls.
Z : Hey, we can't just kill him now can we?
K : We can, but we'll miss Ju's birthday.
Z : Yea, you're right.
K : And maybe the next 10 Ju's birthdays.
Z : No, juvenile max penalty is 20 years. She'll be 34 and happily married before we get to see her.
K : Nah, we'll break out of jail for her wedding.
Z : Dude our convo is nuts.

Well, I'm GLAD you finally realised that. Tak per, I still love you two suckas :).

jue*cause that's what friends are for.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

i'm not falling in love, i'm just falling to pieces.

I'm sitting here all by myself
just trying to think of something to do
Trying to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.

jue*so hold me close and say those three words like you used to do.

Friday, February 16, 2007

maybe i'm amazed at the way i really need you.

He had a way with words,
A way of making her weak in the knees,
He had a way to make her smile,
And a way of picking her up...

....and just letting go.

"We didn't lose anything my dear. We're just having a rough patch. We'll deal, right?"

jue*the worst thing about loving you, is watching you love someone else.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

it's called a breakup because it's broken.

I haven't been updating for the past few days because I've been trying to settle the stupid problems I'm having my computer. It's a hard disk failure just waiting to happen. Anyway, the first night I switched on my computer just to see my profile settings gone and my 'My Documents' folder to be empty. Ohmygod, I almost cried. But luckily, I found all the files that somehow got moved to another folder. Mumblegrumble.

Then last night, I decided to burn all my pictures into CDs just to be extra safe but apparently my computer hates me and my files have mysteriously disappeared yet again. I tried searching for it, I tried restoring my files, I tried almost everything before giving up and just going to sleep. Sleep - my therapy.

Today, I switched on my computer while silently praying that my files would turn up. Lady luck was not on my side and I seriously did cry thinking I just lost all my pictures and songs. Yes, all 4896 pictures and 2000+ songs. And contrary to popular belief, they're not (all) vain pictures of myself, kay? There's family pictures back from 2004/2005 that I can't possibly get back from anywhere else.

Thank goodness God still somewhat loved me and an angel in the form of Aznam helped me recover the files using some program. I'm hoping its all the files cause I haven't exactly gone through them but still, it's better than nothing and I'm honestly counting my lucky stars.

ThankyouthankyouthankyouTHANKYOU to Aznam cause seriously la, I couldn't say thank you enough times to tell you how grateful I am :). I'll belanja you the next time we go out kay? Promise :).

-------------------------------------------------------------

I was out girly shopping with my mum just because I felt like it the other day and I told her, "Mum, I'm looking for a SLEEVED dress or baby doll top. One that I could actually wear for school functions." She stared at my for a little while, raised her eyebrows and then replied, "Sleeved dress? What sort of dress is that?"

And then you all wonder why my skirts are so short.

-------------------------------------------------------------

It has become a routine lately that every Thursday I tell myself, "Don't cave, don't cave". I tell myself to be strong, that I don't need him for me to feel any better. Some days I succeed, most times I fail. Three weeks ago, I ended up getting all giddy from aan awesomely sweet voicemail he left on my phone. The week before last, I ended up receiving a phone call from him. Last week, I messaged him everyday just because I couldn't hold it all in anymore. I hate feeling so weak around him. If only his words weren't as comforting as they are.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I remember telling a few girls in my class that the end of January& beginning of February will show a sudden increase in relationships. "Seperti cendawan selepas hujan". Or something along those lines la. And sure enough, there has been. You may call it coincidence, I call it desperation.

On a somewhat related topic, I totally forgot that tomorrow is Valentine's. Not like it's very important this year considering I'm out of a phase but still. I'll be spending tomorrow organising the ticket sales for our upcoming Valentine's Charity Dance and doing some last minute arrangements. Oh, and seeing Ameer tomorrow so does not count as a date.

And since tomorrow is Valentine's, the day after is the 15th. 15th of February. I can't believe i was that long ago.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, I guess I've sort of updated about things. I'm getting stress pimples and it's not funny. Seriously.

jue*you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Friday, February 9, 2007

i'm sorry i never told you all i wanted to say.

To think that six months have flown right by us. It seems like forever, yet it seems like it's just yesterday. Every so often, I get flashbacks of that phone call, that one phone call that changed everything. Days even months after the end of your battle, people kept on telling me that things will get better. It's funny how I can be so forgetful but I still remember so much about you. Your smile, your voice, your songs, your love.

I miss you. I miss you more than you'd ever know.

10.40pm; Six months ago.

Conversation with Mandy on the 14th of January 2007.

J : Funny enough, Jon was the first guy who ever said no.
M : Jon?????????
J : He was the first guy that to tell me I can't have everything I want.
M : Jooooooooooooon????????????????? Omgawd. You were Juli. Omgaaaaaaaaaawd.
J : Omg, what did he say? O_O
M : He liked you. And I was like jealous sikit.
J : Omg, he DID?
M : He just told me who he liked at that time and I SWEAR he mentioned you.


jue*but with death there were no exceptions. gone meant gone.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

because of you i'm running out of reasons to cry.


All profit from the dance will be donated to the National Heart Foundation of Malaysian (Yayasan Jantung Malaysia). Interactors will also be selling raffle tickets at RM 5.00 each. Buy a manymany tickets (the more you buy, the higher your chances) and stand a chance to win a 30GB iPod video. Really :).

For further infomation, don't hesitate to leave a comment and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Do your bit for charity. Afterall, it's only 20 bucks.

jue*pull the trigger and the nightmare stops.

Friday, February 2, 2007

what's your story morning glory?

This was me then,



And this is me now,



But no matter how many times I could change my hair, my clothes, my style, my friends...

I just keep on coming back.

It's just yet another new beginning.



http://intoxicatedkisses.blogspot.com



*oh, and btw the NEW YEAR POST is finally up and complete :).


jue*i'm sorry i never told you all i wanted to say.