so don't look back in anger.

To think that in exactly thirty one days, we'll be partying all night long celebrating our so called returned freedom. To think that in exactly thirty one days, we'll be officially done with high school and that we won't be little high school kids anymore. It's one thing to anticipate this day(s) because for many years we've known that one day we would finally be stepping out of the walls of Sri Aman. But it's a totally different feeling when you know it's actually happening.

Today Nique&I had our last Physics class. And tomorrow's graduation night. Can't you just feel that our days are numbered? I can practically count them with one hand. And right now, I wish I was in the driver seat of the Time car just putting my foot down on the breaks until you could hear the car screech. I just want time to slow down, not because I'm scared of what's yet to come but just because I want to savour every possible moment left. I'm going to miss school.

Camp Five during Physics Mantap.

Nur Syafika Zazili. Scandalmonger ;)

Nique and I after our last physics tuition class.

:)

jue*high school never ends.

jealousy, turning saints into the sea.

It started out with a kiss,

Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. I think it means more to me than it does to him.

How did it end up like this?

It could be just a four time thing. I don't think he was satisfied enough.

It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.

I haven't felt this wanted in such a long time. But it feels so good, it just HAS to be wrong.

jue*and we'd do anything when the time is right.

i could be your girlfriend.

Though some of you might accuse me of studying, I assure you, nothing the least bit associated to studying has been done in the last week despite it only being NINETEEN days away.

Oh well.

Just wanted to let the world know I'm still alive (though I'm pretty sure some people would rather it be the other way).

And since I'm at it,

Happy Birthday Kevin Tan Wai Meng

jue*and we could do anything when the time is right.

so kiss me and smile for me.

Time after time, I fall for your words lies. I pick up the broken pieces that you so unceremoniously leave behind, and time after time, I forgive. But just like everything else, there are lines. There are boundaries that once crossed, you can never go back. And you my friend, have decided to step over with no hesitation. You choose to leave everything behind, everything we had and everything we could have had. I don't hold anything against you for neither of us are to blame. Shame on me for thinking different could work. You unknowingly made me break so many rules I made for myself, you made me put down so many walls that I've built around me. But we each have our own set of priorities, we each have our own set of beliefs and you have finally admitted to yours. We I have chosen to go my separate way because we both know only more dead roads await us. Yes, I am upset it didn't last as long as we both envisioned it to have. Yes, there could have been other ways to handle this. But I'm tired of hanging around in limbo. I'm tired of waiting on your every move just so I can plan my life around it. I'm tired of trying to understand when you and I both know that I don't agree on your view of things or your decisions. I'm tired of being in total bliss one moment only to have my emotions toyed with the next. I'm tired of always contemplating if our little thing could work out in the future despite all our differences. I'm tired of convincing myself that it will. I'm just plain tired. I don't know if you were just hoping for me to change, for me to come around where I finally see you side of things but I've come to a point where the balancing act has got to stop. I can't pretend we're okay and that everything will turn out alright in due time. I can't be that person you seem to want me to be. So maybe in some other time, maybe at some other place. But for now, this is the way it is. And I'm pretty sure, this is the way it always will be. I'm calling it quits on whatever it is that we had. Thanks for the memories. Boxers and kitchen tops. I loved every moment of it. And I honestly wish we never had to do this. I thought you were the one. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you felt the same.

jue*so kiss me goodbye.

before the clock strikes twelve.

But love had lost its cause,

And I thought today had been okay,

Today has been okay.

A brilliant way to complete the day; heart-to-heart talks with a certain Koh Su Mei, Lim Dominique Jo and Nur Syafika Zazili. I miss you babes.

jue*wo hen ai hen ai ni.

you were always on my mind.

jue*where'd you go?

i've got your little brown shirt in my bottom drawer baby.

For the one whose arms I want to wake up in,
Okay, I cannot tahan already. I really miss you, Kev.

jue*when will i see your face again.

naive orleans.

I normally start blogging with an intention wherthere it being a review of an event I went to or just a thought I wanted to share. It's not that nothing has been going on lately or that my emotions have been numb. It's just that even though I've been wanting to blog lately, the words from my thoughts fail to convey a similar message through my fingers. Nothing sounds right, nothing sounds worthy enough to be published. Truthfully, I fear that I've lost the ability to properly express myself in ways I thought I could have before. I don't know, maybe this is just a phase that isn't quite over.

Anyways, I've finally completed my I-Love-Lena-But-She-Loves-Me-More post. Yes, babe, I know you love me <3.

I didn't realise, but it's been one month, one week and five days since you left to begin your journey to becoming McCina (or McBitchy or McGoddess to some [read: you]). Considering we've spent almost everyday together minus your exam prep time, I have to say that it's been a mighty long time since I've really talked to [read : really bitched with] you, like the way we used to back in the day.

Sure, we get into each others faces a lot and sure and we annoy the insertswearwordhere out of each other but you have to admit, the times we could actually tolerate each other's nonsense were heck'a fun times. I mean, who else would you walk with to a mamak at night in hooker dresses (fine, I was the one in the dress) or pleasently discuss the lives of others with? And seriously, who else could you randomly come over to visit after hours of Chemistry or break your diet rules for by eating 'non salted corn'? I know that I no longer have someone to break rules with or someone to try clothes on in class with or someone to walk to OU with (in heels, no less) or someone to hide under covers with while talking to a certain boy about poles and negative gradients, or someone to accompany me to eat in the PR (during classes) or someone to share blue sheet stories with or someone to con to go with me to DJ's carnival to meet up with my (then) boyfriend, only to end up at OU's Itallianies having our RM 30.00 lunch. I would have to admit - some of my fondest memories from the last two years have to be the ones with you.

Proven fact : We look our best with a glass of wine in our hands.

I'm happy we've come a long way from just two random people that shared Moral class together. I'm happy that I wouldn't have to tell my kids that I only knew you as the girl who did my sewing projects when I was too lazy to. I'm happy to know I can tell you things I wouldn't dare tell any other. And most of all, I'm happy to say that you're one of the few people I can completely trust.

Thank you for being there whenever I needed someone to talk to, be it with trivial matters or life changing ones. Thank you for at least pretending to support me in whatever I do, just because I needed someone to say they believed in me. Thank for you being my Cristina Yang.

Proven fact : She's only happy when I'm not. (Adlan's photography skills)

You're surely missed, back in what will always remain your home town. But for now, enjoy it there in your new enviroment. I know for a fact, that the fun has already begun (read : druken parties with missing boob money). And don't worry, I won't ask for free surgeries (or free legal advice, depending on which way you swing) in the future, mainly because of the fact I'd be too scared to. Sure, boy problems you can handle, but putting my life in your hands? Hell no.

jue*even after you're gone.

paper bags & plastic hearts.

I've been trying to change my layout but blogger is being a bitch and anyone who has heard me rant enough knows I'm very picky with layouts so when I actually find one that I like, I intend to use it but now I can't because blogger's a bitch so if anyone's nice enough to help me out here (I'm not used to asking people for help with codes cause I'm usually self sufficient) pleaseplease tag or leave a comment or something because this is so frustrating, I'm going to study.

Yeay, Danil helped me and now my new layout is up and running. Just a few more tweaks here and there (I really have to start studying soon) and it'll be perfect. Much thanks to you Dan :).

jue*i'm feeling yummy head to toe.

just for one night.

That could have been me.

Like seriously.

like you always do.

I've actually done this before in my previous blog but I really have nothing better to do so here it goes again.

Seven things to be done before my death.
1. Travel around the world.
2. Have a bonfire party.
3. Own my Jimmy Choo(s).
4. Be successful - in love, work and life.
5. Make peace with past flings.
6. Live abroad.
7. Love with no conditions.

Seven things I will not do even if it kills me.
1. Commit murder.
2. Smoke.
3. Play dirty to achieve something.
4. Stop writing.
5. Sell my self worth.
6. Lose faith.
7. Never love again.

Seven things I do when I'm alone.
1. Dance like no one is watching.
2. Cry.
3. Read through my old cards and letters.
4. Reminisce.
5. Write.
6. Look at old pictures.
7. Sleep.

Seven favourite sentences/quotes.
1. Like, SERIOUSLY?
2. ......kan?
3. Like...like...like...like...
4. Too
5. many
6. Grey's Anatomy
7. quotes.

Seven favourite songs of all time.
Too many really, but here's a few from the top of my head.
1. Wonderwall - Oasis
2. The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls
3. Last Kiss - Pearl Jam
4. Set the Fire on the Third Bar - Snow Patrol feat. Martha Wainwright
5. Never Ever - All Saints
6. Last Request - Paolo Nutini
7. Doing That Thing You Do - The Wonders

And I don't feel like doing the last two. Cheers.

jue*but i try and try to forget you boy.

whatever you make it to be.

To think that at this very moment, in exactly thirty seven days, I'd be sitting in a hall with 200+ of my other schoolmates, attempting to skillfully tackle our BM paper. I could never imagine this point. Nothing lasts forever, and high school is just yet another chapter of our lives. It's not that we've never known this is our last year, it's the very fact that time isn't stopping, that it really is happening, that in two months, we'll me leaving this hell hole we call school.

And I'm sure going to miss it.

I've always imagined my last year to be memorable. That I'd be with my best of friends, going through the greatest of times. Maybe it's the sheer fact that I've put an expectation on this year to outdo the last. And we all know high expectations only lead to disappointment. I dread to think that in the future, I'll barely have good memories of this year. Nothing but burnt bridges, failed relationships and meaningless days. It's as though this year went by while I was in some sort of daze.

Okay, I got sidetracked and I don't know where I'm going with this post anymore.

Fifty one days and we'll be done with high school.

"Strange. But even when you know it has to end, when it finally does, you always get that inevitable twinge: Have i done the right thing?"
-Jude Law in Alfie

jue*if only i could turn back time.

Random : Do you remember that day when you asked me what you did? Despite my constant denials, you should have seen my smile. And yes, I really wish that came true. You still send shivers up my spine, darl. You'd remain that one person I'd never ever forget. I miss you.

you can't stop me.

Finally, decent pictures.

Because he likes one and I like another.

jue*like rock'n'roll without a drummer.