as you cry.

There were a lot of things I wanted to say regarding today.

But once again, when I needed them the most, words fail me.

I wish you didn't tell me the things you did because now my view is distorted, the truth tainted and he's no longer the (almost) perfect boy, I once thought of him to be.

But I'm pretty sure this change in perception mostly has to do with the hair.

The very Ah Beng hair.

Yes, I'm talking about you [I know you're reading this :)].

So, here's a few pictures from today - just because.

Don't let the smiles deceive you. Today and/or tonight was pretty darn horrible.

But things will be better in the morning - or so I'm forced to believe.

when the party ends.

Late night conversations on Just-for-Practice-Sex-Buddies;

"Everyone's just a tad bit horny on the inside. Just gotta be able to bring it out. Plus it together with the fear of sucking so bad at their first time and multiply it with the whole no strings attached thing. That'd get anyone thinking about it. Simply math Jue, simple math."

I forgot that we both take Further Math.

You don't know how hard I laughed at that.

give yourself to me.

I think there has been a sudden increase in cheerleaders lately.

Or maybe just people claiming to be one.

Too many?

Possibly.

living from the bottle.

It's amazing how patient I can be - no screaming, no stabbing lookalike voodoo dolls (I wonder if Amirah remembers Stabstab Inc.).

I deserve a medal.

Instead of drowning myself in thoughts of betrayal, inconsiderate mistakes and the current lack of romance in my life, I comforted myself with Statistics and a good half hour of MTV Reverb.

That show works miracles.

galileo, galileo.

The Math geek in me is pretty tempted to find out why there are so many birthdays in August. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with probability and what not and can somehow be calculated with some sort of formula.

Yes, I'm quite certain.

Why?

Because Maths RuLeZzZ~!

But anyhoo, the last three weeks have been showered with birthdays especially of those closest to me. Just to prove my point (and because people like seeing their names on other people's blog), I spent a good amount of time (+-15 minutes!) to put together a bunch of pictures and string wonderfully written sentences.

(In case you think I'm acting weird, it's 2.11am and I'm running on less than five hours of sleep)

10th August 2008;

Liew Berlin turned nineteen!

My, my, we've certainly known each other for a long time. From playing pepsi cola, to pet sister-ing, to hitting boys with umbrellas (I had nothing to do with this), to awesome sleepovers and even awesome-er impromptu water fights, to boy drama and to hours and hours of (costly) phone calls, we've certainly been through a lot together.

Admittedly, I've been rather MIA lately, but just know that I'm alwaysalways here for you to laugh with, scream at and rant to.

Just don't cry to me again, okay? You know how much that freaks me out.

14th August 2008;

Isabelle Yeow Shu Ling turned eighteen!

I still remember the party at Bella Italia we had once for your birthday and the other year where we had a water balloon fight featuring Pamela Anderson. Good times, I must say. Too many in fact, to try and list down all the memorable moments.

It's strange to think of how long we've known each other and how much we've both changed throughout our entire friendship. But we somehow manage to pull through, with a lot of give and take.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there for your party (which you still owe me stories about!) but hey, there will be plenty more birthdays to come.

Hope you had a great one, babi.

15th August 2008;

Amanda Faith Khoo turned eighteen!

My Meredith Grey, Rachel Green, (gorgeous) twin and tong sampah.

Isn't it weird how I have to read about how your (actual) birthday dinner went from your boyfriend's blog because all I hear from you is about the dirty things dessert after?

Hee (:

It's amazing how we just clicked, how we're able to say the things we say to each other, how you're just you and I'm just me and that's alright.

You know 18 reasons why I love you and rest assured, there's about a million more. I'm glad to have been there with you as you experienced a whole new world.

I honestly don't know what I'd do without you tolerating all the nonsense I throw at you, talking to me when I'm bored and calming me down when I freak out about every little thing in the world.

Let's just wait until we live together - where the master bedroom would be our closet and we'd just sleep on couches.

19th August 2008;

Ong Vern-Ming turned nineteen!

There's so much to say and yet words fail me when it comes to you.

I don't think I could describe how much you mean to me, how much just the thought of you always being there with a listening ear comforts me when I'm at the point of breaking down into a million different pieces. Just know that's enough for me to post up ugly pictures of me just so I could do your birthday post collage.

Can't wait to see you soon, once you come back from the Land Down Under.

You know I love you. After all, you are my very own superhero.

20th August 2008;

Mav

Yeah, let's scratch this one.

24th August 2008;

Sabrina Abu Hassan Asaari turned eighteen!


From one deskmate to another.

Breebree, can you just imagine if we were kiasu kids who booked places with already known friends just to sit next to each other? We wouldn't have landed up next to each other and spent an entire year talking about absolutely random things, cussing silently (well, most of the time) at annoying teachers (read : Miss Thana) and getting to know each other the way we did.

I miss you laaaa. When will I see your face again? :(

Haha.

But like you said, deskmates forevarrr <3.

Okay, birthday posts are tiring.

I think it's time I hit the sack.

the rain on your skin.

You can never find the right person if you don't let go of the wrong.

But at the same time, the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long.

Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

standing in line.

The night before the exam was rather strange to me.

I tucked myself in pretty early after totally exhausting my fingers (and wrist - don't know why it still hurts even though it's been three years since I fractured it). I was pretty set on sleeping early for I knew I needed complete rest before heading to the battlefield the next morning.

Yet something felt quite odd. I couldn't put myself to sleep, but it wasn't the usual thoughts running through my head. None about him or about well, things. It wasn't nervousness either. I think after seven grades, the nervousness somewhat disappears.

But then I started thinking. You cram so much in that head of yours that the slightest bit of extra information could potentially make your head explode, splattering blood and brain matter all over the place. I kid you not. But at the same time, you still wonder if you've studied enough. If the last minute work paid off, if your marks could still be salvaged. Are you capable enough to pull through?

It was strange to feel stressed and relieved at the same time for I knew in less than twelve hours, it will all be over.

...hopefully.

The exam didn't turn out as bad as I was imagining it to be. There were a few slip-ups during my pieces but I'm happy with what I played and if all goes well, I'm done with the practical exams.

Spent the rest of yesterday with the ICPU gang (heh, and I'm not even from the same college!) helping Aqil with his campaign banners, posters and button badges. It's going to be awesome, baby! And I must say, the banner turned out pretty damn terrific (Jaws and I concluded that self praise was well deserved).

Today, however, was spent entirely at home. Skipped the outing with classmates and SAM LOCK (he's my lecturer, btw) to spend the day uploading pictures from ball onto Photobucket and scanning pictures for daddy dearest.

Something feels a little off today and I just can't put my finger on it. It's hard to explain since I'm not quite sure what could have caused it but I'm pretty some cookies would do me good.

Yes, I definitely need some milk and cookies.

your sunshine.

I let you break my heart over and over again.

Maybe it's time to sing me something new.

shockwave.

I was browsing through my Nuffnang account like what I do every once in awhile when I decided to find out keywords people search with that ultimately will lead to my blog.

There were many different searches, mostly names of friends.

But out of all the names, there was one that caught my eye, "vijandren porn".

Oh god.

keep you here with me.

August 10th 2006
August 12th 2006
August 16th 2006
August 31st 2006
September 3rd 2006
October 9th 2006
November 9th 2006
November 17th 2006
February 9th 2007
April 9th 2007
July 9th 2007
August 10th 2007
January 11th 2008
April 15th 2008

Two years since you passed.
Fifty-four weeks since I last saw your face.

Sometimes I wonder if there could possibly be anything left to say.

But then I know there just aren't enough words to describe how one person managed to touch and change so many lives, regardless of race, age or gender.

I've said it about a million times over and I'll say it again,

I still miss you dodol.

more than friends.

Today, Mr. Al (my Malaysian Studies teacher) said,
"Wow, you look hot today."

Today, I was scarred for life.

the end where i begin.

Just when I thought I could stand on my own two feet, you tip me over, and I come crashing down.

I don't know if I can do this anymore.

But I certainly want to.

turning blue.

What would Lois do without Superman?

at the speed of light.

Tagged by Nique and Arina.

Because random tags are fun, especially when you're waiting for your ride back in the college library.

15 Weird Things/Habits/Little Known Facts About Myself.

1. As a kid, I always imagined myself marrying a guy named Michael.

2. I like locking the doors, blasting songs and shamelessly dance around in my room.

3. I don't believe in dangling our golden carrot.

4. I've written a similar post like this before, except it was 58 random facts about me.

5. I enjoy flings. Leave before the fun is over.

6. I used to play in drains with my neighbours. We had our own headquarters (the drain under their driveway), had make belief names, owned horses and we used to catch bad guys. Yeah, we're cool.

7. I have severe OCD. Think Monica from Friends. Okay, maybe this isn't such a surprise.

8. I still like watching shows for kids.

9. I read the posts in my old blog(s) from time to time, just to relive the memories, just to see the change in me.

10. Math helps me calm down. Oh, and cleaning too.

11. I don't know what I want to name my future daughters because I want four sons. Yes, four. The first would me named Mikael.

12. I cannot sew to save my life.

13. I'm all about the firsts, but after that, it doesn't really matter. (I think only Berlin would understand this)

14. I've been asked out by girls a couple of times.

15. I name my playlists after boys I've dated, all consisting of songs that remind me of them.

See, I'm just as normal as you are.