when you can live forever.

And it's the little things I see in my everyday life that make me happy - like a silver volvo or a shiny red apple.

I'm still not over it.

how did we get here?

I must admit that I'm quite superstitious about birthday presents. I refrain myself from opening presents before my actual birthday simply because I was brought up that way.

Last night I broke my (almost) seventeen year upbringing.

And I must say, I have never received a gift that had so much thought, love and care put into it.

She gave me a wishing well.

"I know about the rough year you've had, and I just hope your seventeenth will bring better times".

I'm not quite certain if it stands more as a reminder of a bitter year or more of a reminder to not lose faith, even when it seems like the worst has come upon you.

As for now, it is a pretty little pendant hanging on a gold chain around my neck; proof that friendships can withstand the test of time.

Thank you, Berlin Liew.

like a drug.

Crying in public.

Now that is definitely a first.

It's just all too familiar - way too familiar.

hushed affection.

I must say, for the longest time, I didn't understand the best friend's obsession with this particular fictional character. After all, he was just another boy (though I use this word rather loosely) conjured up to play with our emotions, making us believe that yes, the impossible can happen.

It took me almost an entire year to succumb to it and admittedly, I finally did - two days ago. I'm only done with the first, but my emotions are already all over the place.

The funny thing is, I can confidently say that I'm not as in love with a certain Edward Cullen as much as others may be.

I certainly did like the way he constantly worries, how he traced her cheeks with his ice cold fingers, how he would lean so close to her face and oh, his crooked little smile (or how I imagine it would be). I especially like how he was persistent in protecting her, despite her objections. But my mind didn't wander off creating a fantasy boy as I flipped through the pages. I guess, strangely enough, it was simply because he was described to be far too muscular for my skinny boy taste.

However, even though I cringed at certain parts of the book, I couldn't help but fall in love with Bella's thoughts on him. It just seemed all to familiar - the feeling of ordinariness, the way she couldn't get over how someone so gorgeous could fall in love with her, the dizzy feeling when she's with him and how goodbye was just too damn hard.

The less I fell in love with Edward, the more I feel in love with him.

My longing for him to say the words he once said grew stronger as the book came to an end. I've always had a hard time separating fiction and reality. Like I said, it plays with my emotions - something I rather not have tampered with.

It made me wonder if he'd ever get jealous the way Edward did, if he'd ever be so worried as Edward constantly is, if he'd ever be so thoughtful as Edward is, if he'd ever pull me close as Edward did or even if he'd ever understand the grasp he had (/has) on me as Edward has on Bella.

"Enough for forever".

And that's when my heart just gave way.

imagine all the people.

Oh jesus, I've spent hours on Google Maps because well, it amuses me.

First set of invites are almost complete. I'm quite happy!

My hand smells like chicken after I stuffed it up the chicken's unmentionables.

Okay, I really should study for my further math mocks tomorrow.

Ah, fudge it, Google Maps here I come!

where the city meets the sea.

I swear my emotions have been so unstable lately.

Last night's excitement and this morning's contentedness has been quickly replaced with sheer anxiety. It's really getting out of hand, I reckon. But now all I can do is worry. Worry about Monday, worry about December, worry about next year.

I really think the little voice at the back of my head needs to go on holiday for a day or two.

Just a day or two.

my best friend rocks.

You don't need me to tell you how much our friendship means to me. So you must understand how I was verging on being utterly upset (and slightly disappointed) over the last couple of weeks.

I know perfectly well that we both have insane schedules. Raised as overachievers, me thinks. We now have a different set of friends, a different college atmosphere and different piles of incomprehensible homework. But sometimes I feel like we're both not trying hard enough to hold on to this friendship. When there's a will, there's a way, right?

Trust me, I totally understand the whole wrapped up in the new-ness of everything and how we only have 24 hours a day. A person can only split him/herself up in so many ways. But to go two weeks without a single word is a little much - even with our hectic schedules combined.

I have to admit, some part of me is convinced that the silence only happened due to the fact I insisted on remaining close-mouthed, just to see if you would take time off to make the first move. But we all know how that turned out.

I just think a little improvement in communication skills is required - on both our parts. For now, only two roads separate us. I dread to think what would happen when those roads change into one big bad ocean and a thirteen hour time difference. Strangers, perhaps?

With all that said, I must say that I had insane amounts of fun yesterday. From the usual chatter, to forgetting money, to accidentally (almost) ending up in Cheras. It's amazing how I need not use actual words for you to understand what I'm trying to describe.

It was honestly an amazing way to end a turbulent week - with good company, good food and great gossip.

Just don't ever disappear again. I probably wouldn't be able to make it.

I sayang my best friend.

here's the countdown.

15 Things That Remind Me Of Pia

1. Nananananananana, Batman!
2. Pot
3. Troy Bolton in a black hoodie
4. We Are All On Drugs by Weezer
5. Japanese-y stuff
6. Narcotic substances
7. Pot, pot, pot
8. Alex
9. Living out of boxes
10.Things related to pot
11. Fight Club
12. A certain someone we shouldn't so obviously name here
13. Hashpipes
14. Gypsies, fairies and fairy dust
15. More Pot

Now, it feels like I'm missing something...

make a scene.

Okay, I'm pretty sure a lot of you are confused over my last post. But I hate explaining myself, so whateverrrrrrrr.

I've spent so much time with her this week, it's insane.

HEHE.

Anyhoo, paintball today was awesome x78359535. Seriously. Sure, I could be slightly biased due to the fact that I'm one half of the 'organizing committee' but even the little kids Form Fours said they had fun, so it's all good.

Ayam Goreng (I kid you not).

Kacang Goreng -_-

Rotaract team!

At first the boys were all macho about the body armour, insisting that it wouldn't be fun if they played with it. After the marshall fired some test shots, that machoness seemed to have disappeared as two teams scrambbled to rent them. Now that was quite funny.

(Second) last man standing.

The Rotaract team won three out of two games. Those CHS boys play damn rough la >:(. Didn't your momma teach you not to shoot girls? As a result, two (relatively small) bruises on the left thigh, almost nearly on the same spot. There goes my skirts for a week.

The finalists.

...and then the winners. Yes, BB won.

Oh, this is turning out to be one good weekend.

Classic - check out Rotarian Pua's double peace signs.

Next month's fellowship - reverse bungee jumping :D.

it's your time to speak.

Dear Vid,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I changed tennis shoes under the bus and I saw you sit on Donald Duck. I'm sure you're man enough to understand that I get turned on my garbage men. I'm returning your love letters to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about a new life as a clone.

Go and drown yourself,

Julie.

and grace will lead me home.

Amazing Grace,
how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me.

I know there isn't anything I can say that could make this all go away. And there really isn't much I can do to make things better.

I cannot possibly imagine all the emotions you might be feeling right now but rest assured, you and your family are still in our prayers.

Somehow, someday, you will get through this.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

bob the builder.

Heh, bimbo moment x2.

vote in the box.

"If there is anyone out there who doubts that America is a place where anything is possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. Young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled, Americans have sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of red states and blue states. We have been and always will be the United States of America. It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election,
at this defining moment,
change has come to America."

to fill or burst.

My left shoulder and wrist is starting to act up. It's weird because it's been three whole years since that somewhat minor injury and yet I still can't exert too much pressure on it. I feel crippled >: (. Anyhoo, I figured this is probably just the result of a new (insane) regime I've started.

So daddy dearest helped apply some deep heat because seriously, the pain was (to put it mildly) - excruciating.

What struck me was how just the smell of the deep heat itself could send me on a trip down memory lane. The stadium, the boy dramas and flings, the roti pisang, the starter gun and most of all, the adrenalin that flowed through every inch of your body just as you approach the line and placed your feet on the starter blocks.

There's just nothing like that in college anymore. Nothing that can even come close.

I miss it all, I do - the sights, the sounds, the people.

take it all.

Needless to say, it didn't last.

How could it when I didn't really believe in it in the first place?

I knew it wasn't meant for me. I knew it wasn't my place to be at. I wasn't comfortable. I wasn't happy. Too much, too soon, too frequently. So, I've returned to my old habits and I've never felt better.

The voice at the back of my head constantly tells me that returning to past mistakes would only lead to self destruction. But I believe in occasionally indulging in things that would make you feel good, and this makes me feel amazing.

I know there are many that may object - if you found out what I've been doing. You'd give me the disappointed speech, say it isn't worth it, try to convince me that where I am now is just the way I'm supposed to be.

Just so you know, I never believed you.

As crazy as it sounds, this is the way I like it and this is the way it is going to be.

I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it.

What do I have to lose?