your love is just a lie.

Happy Belated Birthday to my darling neighbour, Faizatul Asna (:

Happy Birthday to my one of a kind friend, Sherrie Tam (:

&& last but not least,
Happy Early Birthday to the boy that makes one of my favourite girls happy, Adrian Lim (:

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On a completely different note,
Given everything that has been happening lately, I think I'm going to need some time off. Some time to just sit down and breathe (and maybe have some waffles from AC).

I just need a break.

crash into you.

Random words from that journal beside my bed;

25th April 2008

I think it's insane that I'm jealous of a girl I do not know. A girl I've never seen, never met, never even heard of - until today.

Jealous because she can have everything I want. Jealous that she's on the right path to my happy ending. Jealous that at the end of the day, she's that girl. And as life goes, I'm guessing she's probably one of the nicest people I could ever meet. The right one for him, the only one for him.

Oh, how I wish I could be that girl. To turn back time and be the girl he wanted by his side when all his dreams came true.

So I lie awake here thinking of what could have been, would have been and should have been had I not muttered words I barely meant.

Heh, it's funny cruel how karma works.

from a distance.

There was something she said last night that stuck in my head throughout the entire day today,

"I can't believe how brave you are to put yourself out there and say the words I could only dream of saying".

And that is why she's my best friend.

I love you, Lim Dominique Jo.

"When people hurt you, all I want to do is kill them."

echoes, silence, patience and grace.

For more than one reason;

"I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be, and so I wish for patience, and grace, and the strength to just let him be happy. Mostly, I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go, you know? That's the part of grace that just really sucks."
-Peyton Sawyer.

Thanks for the memories.

on broken avenue.

From this point onwards, those months will remain nothing but a distant memory.

I'll miss you.

scream my lungs out.

The stories go on like a broken record as the frantic search for the right answers become increasingly desperate. The narrow line between what is right and what is wrong seems to have disappeared, the boundaries now blurred.

It's just a whole other feeling when someone else chooses to believe in you the way you ought to believe in yourself. As though, yes, there could be some hope, there could be a chance for the seemingly impossible to be achieved.

But the question remains, DO you believe in yourself?

singing sweet home alabama.

Written months ago;

"just because you weren't good enough for him doesnt mean she isn't.
in fact, a lot of people feel that the mere rumour that you were crushing, just crushing on him makes him unworthy of her.

dear stickpole and osama,
don't hate the player, hate the game.
if you are so angry with the guy, then why hate the girl?
its seriously not her fault she's hotter, smarter and prettier than you are.
doesnt hurt that she's nicer than you are too.
to say that you're a less hot version of her would by far be the biggest compliment you will ever get in your wettest orgasms.
you know the saying pot calling the kettle black?
try charred kuali calling the stainless steel black.
yes dear, but i forget. you no understand me.

don't worry. there's a special place people like you can go to - in hell.

so take my advice, don't worry i'm very smart - i know exactly what you should do.

osama, take stickpoleslashnegativegradient and crumple her, stuff her next to osama, don't worry looks like theres still plenty of space left, and go throw yourself under the next bus and be thankful we only throw ONE party to celebrate.

stupidjealousflirtaciousgreen-eyedosamapole.

i really have to thank the bb guys for giving us your nicknames.
they're real genii sometimes y'know?"

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This is why I love that bitch.
&don't you ever doubt that.

amazing grace.

Sometimes I wish I could just pick up the phone, dial your number and hear your voice on the other end.

Sometimes I wish you'd be there to just listen (like you always do) and never to judge.

And believe it or not, sometimes I wish I could just hear your sarcastic little comments when you tell me to leave the current boy and find a new one and how noone can be better than you.

Twenty months and six days.

I still fucking miss you, Jon.

cause i don't know what to do.

I don't like being the irresponsible one. It tarnishes my sense of perfectionism. I don't like being disappointed in myself when there's enough people already sharing the same feeling towards me.

So let's stop the clocks and turn back time, to that moment when the grass was greener and the water tasted sweeter. Let's just learn from the mistakes we made then erase those events from our thoughts.

God, all I want is to talk to you right now.

You were still are my addiction.

in my piggybank baby.

Afterall, what are friends for? :)

shake the stress away.

Yet another Friday night out.

This week's excuse was our long overdue post-elections party. Just the ones who helped out with Rachel&Belle's campaigning.

It was a rather eventful day/night, I must say. From Bangsar in the afternoon with Belle, to Bangsar again with the parents, Rotaract meeting, Section 17 chilling, Vid's place, getting lost on the way to Hartamas (only partially my fault), SoulED Out then other things.

So here's a handful of pictures...before things went fuzzy.

Oh, my dad just said, "You're turning into some party girl."

Jesus, wasn't I one already?

i'm not kind if you betray me.

I know sometimes it's rather hard for you to comprehend such things, but here's something you ought to know - the world doesn't revolve around you.

So really, if you want to create something out of nothing just so you can get a little drama out of your life, find someone else to do it with. I refuse to play dumb and be one of your little puppets while you orchestrate this master plan to make you seem like the victim of some massive boyfriend stealing scheme.

Sorry to burst your bubble but I don't spend time plotting how to ruin your life.

Here's some advice - find a hobby.

friday night drama.

Call it a sixth sense when I felt something about Friday night would go terribly wrong.

I started the night off at Belle's place while we waited for a certain Adrian 'I-get-ready-like-a-girl' Lim to pick us up - which never happened because I'm partially convinced Adrian really is a girl.

After him being over thirty (I think) minutes late.

Me : Where are you?

Adrian : On the way.

Me : On the way where?

Adrian : At home.

OHMYGOD -_-

Anyways, the both of us were greeted by rather familiar faces and then some more, and then some more, and then some we didn't really want to see, and then some we reallyreally didn't want to see. Jesus, when I lied to told my dad it was going to be a reunion of some sort, I didn't really expect it to be one. If Eyebrow Man and Cina Boyy got thrown into the picture, that night would have been perfect (and when I say perfect, I mean it in the most imperfect manner possible).

It was supposed to be a small little dinner between Adrian, Belle, Hang, Esther, Mavind and I. But the group got a teenytinywinsy bit bigger (which I can't complain about). Oh, and some unexpected walk-in(s) too (which I can complain about). After the nights' event(s) just got a little too much to swallow, the girls decided to head off to Laundry -because alcohol makes the world a better place. Really.

It started off very much on the wrong foot so much so that at one point Hang&I agreed to date each other (be jealous Lena). But after people left and some others came and of course some bottles of social lubricants (alcohol you dumbass) the night was savaged. Yeay for us :).

Quote Hang, "We should do this every Friday night!".

Pfft, yeah right.

daisy, give yourself away.

Weeks of planning, weeks of dreaming and weeks of hoping, all gone one rainy afternoon within one extremely short conversation.

But then again, didn't Margaret Weis once say that hope is the denial of reality?

So I guess the past few weeks has just been me, denying reality.