hari yang mulia, hari bahagia.

I usually blog in Malay whenever our Independance Day comes around, but I guess this year will be slightly different since I know more adjectives in English. (LOL)

Merdeka.

I'm lucky enough to be born in the generation after our country reached independance so the hardship the nation had to go through before that is barely known to me, spare the stories from the older ones and a few pages in the textbook. But I do believe that we need not go through such painful times to be thankful for our (hopefully) progressing country.

I am proud to be Malaysian; with every lah, Ramly Burger, 24-hour mamak stall, nasi lemak, pulled tea, idiot drivers, brainless politicians, dirty toilets and macha wannabes.

Malaysia is home - and that, will never change.

My last Merdeka celebration in school. Funny, to say the least.

Oh, and why do I need so many adjectives you ask?

Because I spent my Merdeka eve at Putrajaya and the fireworks were nothing short of amazing. Sure, the five hour wait was bloody awful, but I suppose the fireworks made up for it, though a little anti-climatic. Adam would know how much I love fireworks (if he remembers our conversations) so this was definitely a treat :).

And just for the twin,

More videos when I have the time.

jue*you're on the right path but you're going the wrong way.

check it out, i'm rocking steady.

She said she wanted to tell a story through her eyes.
Watches too much ANTM, I tell you.

Yup, the sister has returned. Hell hasn't broken loose yet so it's all good :).

jue*and now i think i'm ready.

oh, you really got me now.

I was going to blog something really mean true, but it's too early in the morning for me to start off with something so negative.

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21 Aug 07, 14:46
shaneq: gosh babe..i checked out wasps blog.. man their clan really hates us to bits ! "less pretty..ugli-itches" yup.. thats what the one who's goin overseas said bout us!

21 Aug 07, 14:47
shaneq: but its ok.. we have OUR BEAUTIFUL PPL..the ones who are beautiful on the INSIDE.. and thats all that matters and we know that these are the friends we can cherish for life.. and i love u too bits!!

22 Aug 07, 09:47
a: you guys suck in the inside which makes you people ugly on the outside as well. thats not very nice to call her a wasps you know and we do know who you are mentioning. shaneq his not yours anymore

22 Aug 07, 09:48
a: so drop it. your're being pathetic. you started this so its your dirt to clean up. you guys have to find other stuff to keep you busy with. girls nowadays.

22 Aug 07, 09:51
a: by the way, people in school dont like you very much. all of you. so no point btiching about the whoever other wasp clan or whatever cause they are more favourable and has a higher power than you guys

22 Aug 07, 09:53
a: so thats way you people had to go and tell on the discipline teacher or spread rumours because you have no class and that's how LOW you can stoop.den I as an opposite sex can call u a downright *****

22 Aug 07, 14:47
shaneq: whoever u are.u as an oppsite sex have no say in this situation. as ur not in this school. and i was talking to shobz. not you. mind u.

22 Aug 07, 14:48
shaneq: and FYI. we didnt go telling on the disciplined teacher ok. get ur facts straight before jumping to conslusions.

22 Aug 07, 14:57
ju: so does that mean i have a say in this situation? cause as far as i remember, you have never approached me. all your arguments have been via the internet. speak up, approach me shra. i'll be waiting :)

22 Aug 07, 15:11
shobzybee: to the boy with no guts, if you don't even know the situation,k\then keep your yap shut.

22 Aug 07, 15:12
shobzybee: okay you know what, why are we all making this such a big deal. iy's making mountains out of molehills.

22 Aug 07, 15:15
shaneq: to ju, just chill, i never wanted to make this issue a big deal. it just happened so quickly. if you really want things to be setteled, let's talk about it like adults

I laughed so hard at this, I literally cried. Anyways, since I now know for a fact that you visit my blog Shra, I'll be waiting for your little confrontation. I mean, you're the one talking about having guts and owning up and all. Thanks for increasing my endorphin level today :).

jue*i've got your little brown shirt in my bottom drawer baby.

is his heart still beating?

The best Monday evening I've had in weeks.

jue*even more in love with me you'd fall.

cause we are finally free tonight.

A year ago,

And just tonight,

Happy 24th Anniversary to the parents! :).

jue*we'll make the great escape.

the lord took him away from me.

To begin to describe how much one person could have had made an impact on you life is next to impossible, especially when that person is Jon. It's hard to pen down everything he has ever said and done that has somewhat changed some part of me, irrespective of how big or small that change may be - just because there are far too many things to even try.

It's funny how despite my short term memory, I seem to remember every moment with Jon. I remember every event/thing that could possibly be related to him as though it as just yesterday that I was introduced to him and Danial; just yesterday that I was bribing Vid to get me his contacts; just yesterday that I was at his campfire (where he nightwalked with Yee Wa); just yesterday when I told him I liked him; just yesterday when he was fretting during rehearsals; just yesterday when he faced his fears and performed in front of hundreds of people; just yesterday when he held my hand, kissed it and dragged me out to the middle of the quadrangle; just yesterday when we were exchanging playlists; just yesterday when he told me about Ann Lynn; just yesterday when we were talking for hours about A Walk To Remember; just yesterday when he told me about his tumour; just yesterday he was worried about not looking hot because he shaved his head and just yesterday when I saw him physically for the last time.

I miss Jon, and I'm sure anyone remotely close to him still does.

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It was an honour to be asked to attend Jon's Memorial last night. An entire year has passed since he crossed over and come this Sunday, it'd be an entire year since I've last seen him, peaceful in his scout's uniform with a cross over his chest.

There was no doubt, when asked, that I would be attending the memorial but I cannot deny that I was scared down to the bone at the prospect of returning to Jalan Tenggiri, Bangsar. Silly, I know but it was somewhat comforting knowing I wasn't alone.

Vid and I were considerably early that evening, so we made a cowardly decision to walk down to the playground while we waited for the others to arrive. We had no tears in our eyes but the silence between us remained. After awhile, we slowly made our way back up to the house and took our seats at the first table we saw, this time accompanied by Jeff and Sherrie.

Aunty Agnes and Summer soon approached and I started feeling more at ease after exchanging greetings and warm hugs. I settled into my seat and soaked in the atmosphere while waiting for Mandy to arrive. Before long, dinner was served and I have to admit, Chyen bullying Jeff really did help lighten up my mood.

The night was nothing short of perfect, even though Mandy and I made an impromptu 'speech' which was so nicely recorded by Ben, Kevin's brother. I felt comfortable among people whom I didn't know personally or directly, and that is rather rare in my case. The songs, the speeches, the family, cousins and Jon's loved ones, the blue candles handed out and even the releasing of fifteen birds and one white dove just completed the entire evening. As much as it was for Jon, I felt like last night was to help those present cope with the year that has passed more than anything else.


Just like Aunty Agnes had said, I don't feel guilty anymore. I don't feel guilty when I don't think of Jon on certain days; I don't feel guilty when I sometimes forget my daily hello(s) and goodbye(s) to him. He's a part of each and everyone of us and I'm sure he knows that.

One year has passed but your memory is still very much Alive, Jon G.

I miss you.

jue*oh yes my darling, you were wonderful tonight.

cause we'll make it through.

Tonight will change our lives,

It's so good to be by your side,

But we'll cry,

We won't give up the fight,

We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs,

And they'll think it's just cause we're young,

And we'll feel so alive.

Throw it away,

Forget yesterday,

We'll make the great escape,

We won't hear a word they say,

They don't know us anyway,

Watch it burn,

Let it die,

Cause we are finally free tonight.

And that's for you.

jue*i've got your runaway smile in my piggy bank baby.

and i don't know if i can do it.

"It's okay to let yourself feel happy every once in awhile, cause you don't know how fleeting that happiness might be."

jue*when she gives herself away.

you know you make me go crazy.

First I was shocked, then I was so upset, then I didn't care, then I cried and now I'm just wondering why they're being so upset when they're not even involved.

I don't know what to say anymore. It's funny how the insertracistremarkhere can leave me so effing speechless.

I haven't cussed this much in one night in ages.

Thank you for calling yourself my friends.

I think I'll be going on a hiatus.

"We could call her

beezwhackedupbitchfacedfuckedupmotherbleepingloserfiedfattass

or Osama for short."

jue*wanna put my heart into a blender and watch it spin around into a beautiful oblivion?

you're the line in the sand when i get too far.

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot;

Who calls you back when you hang up on him;

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead;

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats;

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

jue*and i get to kiss you baby just because i can.

my knight in shining whatever.

I think now would be the perfect time to go to the beach.
Just with him, a baby animal blanket and my pink bikinis.

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And to all the people with doubts,
Pleasepleaseplease get a life and s-t-o-p making such a big deal outta this.
What I do is really none of your business.
God only knows why there are so many people fascinated by two people in like.

I need a bloody getaway.

jue*you're every line, you're every word, you're everything.