jonathan gan.

In Loving Memory Of

Jonathan Gan

26th July 1990 - 9th August 2006

I was ready to go to bed when my sister passed the phone to me. At first I thought it was Vid making sure I got her message that she couldn't stay for long for today's meeting. I never expected what I heard next. She told me slowly, "Jon..Gan..passed...away." I took a while to digest those four words. I was so sure it was a mistake. So sure she got her facts wrong.

...She wasn't.

That night, I cried buckets. I couldn't fall asleep because all I could think about were the "What If's". He just turned 16 two weeks ago. He told me he had gone through a few operations and was recovering...until he went unheard of for a couple of months. By 6 in the morning, my eyes were dry and puffy but my pillow case was soaking wet. I got out of bed wishing it was a dream, that everything I heard last night was all just my imagination.

I got ready for school, stepped into the PR not knowing what to do. I spent the morning just staring into space, my mind was totally blank. Soon, the news spread to my friends. They would come up to me, ask me if I was okay and comforted me with a hug. I just stood there, shaking my head, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Even as I sat for the first two papers, I couldn't stop crying. In the other rows, I could see Carmen and Vid doing the same. Other friends, not knowing what happened passed remarks that I looked pale and questioned why I wasn't my usual cheerful and talkative self.

Its hard to pretend everything is for the better when all you want to do is see his face just one more time.

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Dear Jon,

I regret that I never will have the chance to say this to you face to face. You made more than an impact on my life. It was only two years ago when we first met at my school's gathering. Almost immediately we started talking and a friendship blossomed from one rose...my very first rose. And ever since then, you were always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Where are you now? However, I will never regret getting to know someone as special as you. We've shared so much between each other from the little things to the issues that could have shattered the world.

As I sit here crying again, I choose to remember you as the guy who never failed to brighten up my day even on your bad days. I admire your courage and strength to face everything that God has thrown to you over the past year. You left us too early, way to early. But maybe this is for the better, only time will tell. I'm going to miss you Jon.

I'll miss your black convos with me. I'll miss your lame smses filling up my inbox. I'll miss sharing love stories with you. I'll miss calling you dodol. I'll miss you annoying me about how hot Emma Watson is. I'll miss listening to your endless list of girls. I'll miss your ego. I'll miss the way you made my heart skip a beat. I'll miss your dances. I'll miss hearing your voice on the other side of the phone. I'll miss having identical playlists with you. I'll miss your smile. I'll miss the way you made me smile. I'll miss the way you made me laugh. I'll miss you singing Last Kiss and Doing that Thing You Do. I'll miss the way you made me feel so special. I'll miss you. I'll miss everything about you.

Thank you for two amazing years. Thank you for that campfire I'll never forget. I'm sorry I didn't live up to my promise. May you rest in peace. Save a place in heaven for me.

Oh where oh where can my Jonnie be,

The Lord took him away from me...

jue*maybe God needed another angel.