i'd be right beside you here.

It's almost routine for me to wake up really early in the morning to practice piano before class. Blame procrastination, blame laziness. So I dragged my lazy ass out of bed, walked down the steps, rubber my eyes a couple hundred of times and practiced the softess I can for the fear of waking up my parents (who would normally later come down and nag me for doing everything at the last minute).

You could say I was pretty surprised to see my mum down at 7.00am on a Saturday morning and I was even more surprised when she didn't even say a thing when she saw me 'sneekily' playing the piano. It wasn't until an hour later when I walked into the kitchen that my mum broke the news - "Jamie died last night". I was in denial, like anyone else would have been, I told my mum she must be just resting. But when I looked over and saw her stomach not moving the slightest bit, I knew this wasn't some sort of joke.

I was later told that my brother had gone to check on Jamie around 1 in the morning, just before he went to bed. She was already very weak by then, barely being able to move. He called out for her and she didn't answer, he approached her and she didn't move. He told my dad and they both knew what it meant - they just didn't bother to wake me up.

I feel partially guilty for actually admitting to not feeling as much as when Prince died so many years back. I know my dad and brother feel it the most, it still shows on their face now (well at least my dad's). Jamie had been with us since I was four and now twelve years later, the house is missing something - it's just hard to explain. I can remember clearly the day after she was given to us. My mum woke me up early in the morning, carried me to my brother's room window and I looked outside, watching this puppy running around in the garden.

It still hasn't quite sunk in yet - just like any other death. I go home and walk to the kitchen door, out of habit hoping to see her there, but she isn't and it's just weird, I suppose. I don't think many people would understand the true emotion behind this post - not unless you've lost a pet yourself.

And even if I wasn't the greatest dog lover or the best (semi)owner to you,

I still miss you Jamie Bell :(.

jue*i know you still think that i shouldn't still love you.