To begin to describe how much one person could have had made an impact on you life is next to impossible, especially when that person is Jon. It's hard to pen down everything he has ever said and done that has somewhat changed some part of me, irrespective of how big or small that change may be - just because there are far too many things to even try.
It's funny how despite my short term memory, I seem to remember every moment with Jon. I remember every event/thing that could possibly be related to him as though it as just yesterday that I was introduced to him and Danial; just yesterday that I was bribing Vid to get me his contacts; just yesterday that I was at his campfire (where he nightwalked with Yee Wa); just yesterday when I told him I liked him; just yesterday when he was fretting during rehearsals; just yesterday when he faced his fears and performed in front of hundreds of people; just yesterday when he held my hand, kissed it and dragged me out to the middle of the quadrangle; just yesterday when we were exchanging playlists; just yesterday when he told me about Ann Lynn; just yesterday when we were talking for hours about A Walk To Remember; just yesterday when he told me about his tumour; just yesterday he was worried about not looking hot because he shaved his head and just yesterday when I saw him physically for the last time.
I miss Jon, and I'm sure anyone remotely close to him still does.
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It was an honour to be asked to attend Jon's Memorial last night. An entire year has passed since he crossed over and come this Sunday, it'd be an entire year since I've last seen him, peaceful in his scout's uniform with a cross over his chest.
There was no doubt, when asked, that I would be attending the memorial but I cannot deny that I was scared down to the bone at the prospect of returning to Jalan Tenggiri, Bangsar. Silly, I know but it was somewhat comforting knowing I wasn't alone.
Vid and I were considerably early that evening, so we made a cowardly decision to walk down to the playground while we waited for the others to arrive. We had no tears in our eyes but the silence between us remained. After awhile, we slowly made our way back up to the house and took our seats at the first table we saw, this time accompanied by Jeff and Sherrie.
Aunty Agnes and Summer soon approached and I started feeling more at ease after exchanging greetings and warm hugs. I settled into my seat and soaked in the atmosphere while waiting for Mandy to arrive. Before long, dinner was served and I have to admit, Chyen bullying Jeff really did help lighten up my mood.
The night was nothing short of perfect, even though Mandy and I made an impromptu 'speech' which was so nicely recorded by Ben, Kevin's brother. I felt comfortable among people whom I didn't know personally or directly, and that is rather rare in my case. The songs, the speeches, the family, cousins and Jon's loved ones, the blue candles handed out and even the releasing of fifteen birds and one white dove just completed the entire evening. As much as it was for Jon, I felt like last night was to help those present cope with the year that has passed more than anything else.
Just like Aunty Agnes had said, I don't feel guilty anymore. I don't feel guilty when I don't think of Jon on certain days; I don't feel guilty when I sometimes forget my daily hello(s) and goodbye(s) to him. He's a part of each and everyone of us and I'm sure he knows that.
One year has passed but your memory is still very much Alive, Jon G.
I miss you.
jue*oh yes my darling, you were wonderful tonight.
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