and the record keeps playing.

I put my phone aside, pulled the comforter over my body and hugged a pillow close to my cheast. I tried to think of how well of things are, but it was like looking for a needle in a hay stack. I couldn't find an answer that could help me forget about the other thoughts that were slowly building in my head.

Different situations ran through my head, yet the silver lining seem to fade and fade until there was nothing positive to be seen. There was something missing. Something I havent quite figured out yet.

I've come to realise that being in denial probably could help me cope, but it will in no way make this disappear. I have a boy that's head over heels, friends that (seem to) care, clothes to wear and a roof over my head. But it didn't seem enough. Nothing seemed enough. I guess that's me for you. Nothing is ever satisfactory. And even if it was, satisfactory wasn't good enough. It's a cycle that never stops, only to work against my benefit.

As pathetic as it sounds, it's because of you I feel a void at the place where my heart should be. No matter how sure of myself I was before this, you seem to have taken that certainty away. I'm just another life form, wondering around. I have my ups and I have my downs. And just to keep the patheticness rolling, I've got to say all seems lost without you by my side, placing your hand on the small of my back, pushing me through the fog.

It's funny how your mind wanders and how many different thoughts you can come up with just before you sleep. It is then where my mind does most of is searching; happy thoughts, emo thoughts, random thoughts. But most of the time I wake up forgetting everything. In this case however, I was smart enough to actually type it out on my phone, just because I can type faster than I can write. Oh well. Till night falls...

jue*she keeps her secrets, tries to hide her past because lately, everything has gone way too fast.