so kiss me and smile for me.

Time after time, I fall for your words lies. I pick up the broken pieces that you so unceremoniously leave behind, and time after time, I forgive. But just like everything else, there are lines. There are boundaries that once crossed, you can never go back. And you my friend, have decided to step over with no hesitation. You choose to leave everything behind, everything we had and everything we could have had. I don't hold anything against you for neither of us are to blame. Shame on me for thinking different could work. You unknowingly made me break so many rules I made for myself, you made me put down so many walls that I've built around me. But we each have our own set of priorities, we each have our own set of beliefs and you have finally admitted to yours. We I have chosen to go my separate way because we both know only more dead roads await us. Yes, I am upset it didn't last as long as we both envisioned it to have. Yes, there could have been other ways to handle this. But I'm tired of hanging around in limbo. I'm tired of waiting on your every move just so I can plan my life around it. I'm tired of trying to understand when you and I both know that I don't agree on your view of things or your decisions. I'm tired of being in total bliss one moment only to have my emotions toyed with the next. I'm tired of always contemplating if our little thing could work out in the future despite all our differences. I'm tired of convincing myself that it will. I'm just plain tired. I don't know if you were just hoping for me to change, for me to come around where I finally see you side of things but I've come to a point where the balancing act has got to stop. I can't pretend we're okay and that everything will turn out alright in due time. I can't be that person you seem to want me to be. So maybe in some other time, maybe at some other place. But for now, this is the way it is. And I'm pretty sure, this is the way it always will be. I'm calling it quits on whatever it is that we had. Thanks for the memories. Boxers and kitchen tops. I loved every moment of it. And I honestly wish we never had to do this. I thought you were the one. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you felt the same.

jue*so kiss me goodbye.

before the clock strikes twelve.

But love had lost its cause,

And I thought today had been okay,

Today has been okay.

A brilliant way to complete the day; heart-to-heart talks with a certain Koh Su Mei, Lim Dominique Jo and Nur Syafika Zazili. I miss you babes.

jue*wo hen ai hen ai ni.

you were always on my mind.

jue*where'd you go?

i've got your little brown shirt in my bottom drawer baby.

For the one whose arms I want to wake up in,
Okay, I cannot tahan already. I really miss you, Kev.

jue*when will i see your face again.

naive orleans.

I normally start blogging with an intention wherthere it being a review of an event I went to or just a thought I wanted to share. It's not that nothing has been going on lately or that my emotions have been numb. It's just that even though I've been wanting to blog lately, the words from my thoughts fail to convey a similar message through my fingers. Nothing sounds right, nothing sounds worthy enough to be published. Truthfully, I fear that I've lost the ability to properly express myself in ways I thought I could have before. I don't know, maybe this is just a phase that isn't quite over.

Anyways, I've finally completed my I-Love-Lena-But-She-Loves-Me-More post. Yes, babe, I know you love me <3.

I didn't realise, but it's been one month, one week and five days since you left to begin your journey to becoming McCina (or McBitchy or McGoddess to some [read: you]). Considering we've spent almost everyday together minus your exam prep time, I have to say that it's been a mighty long time since I've really talked to [read : really bitched with] you, like the way we used to back in the day.

Sure, we get into each others faces a lot and sure and we annoy the insertswearwordhere out of each other but you have to admit, the times we could actually tolerate each other's nonsense were heck'a fun times. I mean, who else would you walk with to a mamak at night in hooker dresses (fine, I was the one in the dress) or pleasently discuss the lives of others with? And seriously, who else could you randomly come over to visit after hours of Chemistry or break your diet rules for by eating 'non salted corn'? I know that I no longer have someone to break rules with or someone to try clothes on in class with or someone to walk to OU with (in heels, no less) or someone to hide under covers with while talking to a certain boy about poles and negative gradients, or someone to accompany me to eat in the PR (during classes) or someone to share blue sheet stories with or someone to con to go with me to DJ's carnival to meet up with my (then) boyfriend, only to end up at OU's Itallianies having our RM 30.00 lunch. I would have to admit - some of my fondest memories from the last two years have to be the ones with you.

Proven fact : We look our best with a glass of wine in our hands.

I'm happy we've come a long way from just two random people that shared Moral class together. I'm happy that I wouldn't have to tell my kids that I only knew you as the girl who did my sewing projects when I was too lazy to. I'm happy to know I can tell you things I wouldn't dare tell any other. And most of all, I'm happy to say that you're one of the few people I can completely trust.

Thank you for being there whenever I needed someone to talk to, be it with trivial matters or life changing ones. Thank you for at least pretending to support me in whatever I do, just because I needed someone to say they believed in me. Thank for you being my Cristina Yang.

Proven fact : She's only happy when I'm not. (Adlan's photography skills)

You're surely missed, back in what will always remain your home town. But for now, enjoy it there in your new enviroment. I know for a fact, that the fun has already begun (read : druken parties with missing boob money). And don't worry, I won't ask for free surgeries (or free legal advice, depending on which way you swing) in the future, mainly because of the fact I'd be too scared to. Sure, boy problems you can handle, but putting my life in your hands? Hell no.

jue*even after you're gone.