hushed affection.

I must say, for the longest time, I didn't understand the best friend's obsession with this particular fictional character. After all, he was just another boy (though I use this word rather loosely) conjured up to play with our emotions, making us believe that yes, the impossible can happen.

It took me almost an entire year to succumb to it and admittedly, I finally did - two days ago. I'm only done with the first, but my emotions are already all over the place.

The funny thing is, I can confidently say that I'm not as in love with a certain Edward Cullen as much as others may be.

I certainly did like the way he constantly worries, how he traced her cheeks with his ice cold fingers, how he would lean so close to her face and oh, his crooked little smile (or how I imagine it would be). I especially like how he was persistent in protecting her, despite her objections. But my mind didn't wander off creating a fantasy boy as I flipped through the pages. I guess, strangely enough, it was simply because he was described to be far too muscular for my skinny boy taste.

However, even though I cringed at certain parts of the book, I couldn't help but fall in love with Bella's thoughts on him. It just seemed all to familiar - the feeling of ordinariness, the way she couldn't get over how someone so gorgeous could fall in love with her, the dizzy feeling when she's with him and how goodbye was just too damn hard.

The less I fell in love with Edward, the more I feel in love with him.

My longing for him to say the words he once said grew stronger as the book came to an end. I've always had a hard time separating fiction and reality. Like I said, it plays with my emotions - something I rather not have tampered with.

It made me wonder if he'd ever get jealous the way Edward did, if he'd ever be so worried as Edward constantly is, if he'd ever be so thoughtful as Edward is, if he'd ever pull me close as Edward did or even if he'd ever understand the grasp he had (/has) on me as Edward has on Bella.

"Enough for forever".

And that's when my heart just gave way.