we could be forever if we could just be.

I hate the way I could hate you with all my guts but with one phone call, everything changes. I hate the way you drown me with words so sweet that you don't mean. I hate the way I'm not special to you anymore, like I'm some sort of dirty tissue. I hate the way you pick me up, and then so easily let me go.

I hate the way you can send me to cloud nine quicker than anything else. I hate the way you make me feel like I'm something more to you. I hate the way you're voice could make me daydream for weeks.

I hate the way you say my name like it has a hidden meaning to it. I hate the things you do, the words you say, the messages you write because you say it with no meaning. I hate the way you're goodbye messages constantly play in my head until I fall asleep.

But most of all, I hate the fact you've made me fall in love with you.

jue*so get back, back, back to where we lasted.

you say hello, inside i'm screaming i love you.

07/06/06 - 12.24am

Good morning :)..thank you for the company, for asking me to come, for the cab number & the dance :). What would i do without u? :)

30/06/06 - 9.00pm

Nope..u've always been there..well most of the time la..Haha..definitely someone I've come to count on..my go-to-girl :).

11/07/06 - 7.19pm

Haha..more den a fair share of ppl think I'm dating you..or used to..Weird, since I never said anything, just a few mentions of you being my most reliable&good friend.

19/08/06 - 12.47pm

I've never asked, but tonight is the last night of starlight cinema..would you like to go?

20/08/06 - 3.06pm

Haha..you really think absolutely highly of you, no? Haha..it's okay, you're a princess to me :).

21/08/06 - 11.41pm

Haha..u're much better :). Spare hard drives don't have legs like yours.

29/09/06 - 1.56pm

Of course I'm proud of her..Since when have I not been proud of her..I wake up in the morn & I know she's doing well for herself, what's not to be proud of her daily?

01/10/06 - 12.46am

Well you wish?..It's the thought that counts okay? I love your company you know that right? :). Sweet dreams princess :).

04/10/06 - 11.32pm

Personally I'm against my girl being tossed in the air & hoping to be caught but if she's happy, I close one eye, la. Right? :)

05/10/06 - 11.59pm

Yea agak close but I don't trust her the same way I trust you. I don't know, i try hard but it's not easy to trust entirely..but you make it easy, you know? :)..

07/10/06 - 12.07pm

Hey, don't put words in my mouth..u're gorgeous to me even if you were in sweats :). You're beautiful, it's true :).

13/10/06 - 12.16am

Haha..Actually funnily enough, more than once, but it was all it was, just a thought ..

16/10/06 - 3.27pm

Haha..You'll always be good enough..if not even better..haha..you know you rock my world princess ;).

25/10/06 - 12.32pm

U're my princess. Don't you forget it ;).

28/10/06 - 11.30pm

My heart will continue to get crushed..over&over again...but once in awhile, I get lucky & I get you :). Goodnight princess :).

02/11/06 - 10.11pm

Hahaha..I don't see why you're jealous...you look hot :).

13/11/06 - 10.24pm

I worry for you plenty..when you're down, when you're mad at your parents, when you go for hours without sleep, when you have so much work, when you study too much for exams...

20/11/06 - 10.09pm

Well even if I was know that I'm always, always here for you :). I'll be here for you when the sun stops shining & the sky falls :). But I'm not in one so worry not.

21/11/06 - 5.53pm

I always need you :(.

22/11/06 - 11.32pm

I hope that I don't lose touch with you..I love late night talks & calls with you..I like knowing you're always there for me, I can only hope I can be that person for you too.

09/12/06 - 11.59pm

From halfway across the world, the place where you call home, it is already your birthday. Happy 15th birthday julie :). May there be 5 million more beautiful birthdays for you to come ;). As the song unwritten goes, "Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in, no one else can speak the words on your lips, drench yourself in words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten". With these beautiful words, I hope you savour every bit of this moment, I know the world loves you, more importantly, I do, even if you don't feel it. I hope you find happiness in the year to come :). I can only hope i'm a small contributor to that :). May the year to come bring you much love & proper like the beautiful person you're meant to be :). When you find your moment..I'll be right behind you to support you :). With this birthday, I hope you become a better person as well as hoping the world around you treats you better ;). Happy birthday Princess :).

Love, Superman.

Because things can never be the same again.

jue*and after all this time, i'd never thought we'd be here.

the future's not ours to see.

I was flipping channels the other day when I heard a familiar tune on MTV.

"All my life, watching America".

I recognized it immediately. Razorlight's America.

Damn it, I miss Guildford. I miss our roadtrip. I miss the sights, the sounds, the people.

I miss UK.

and i would do anything to go back, back before things changed.

jue*hearing those words, it makes me weak.

i used to do drugs. i still do, but i used to too.

HOW TO TELL IF A GIRL'S INTERESTED IN YOU :)

Scenario 1 :

The girl admits she really likes you, enjoys spending time with you then gently kisses you.

Verdict : She likes you.

Scenario 2 :

Girl calls you obscene names and at every chance she gets she throws potentially injuring objects like fire axes at you.

Verdict : She's in denial. Pursue the relationship until she realises that she obviously likes you.

Scenario 3 :

You ask a friend of hers if she likes you. Her friend walks away laughing hysterically. You call her on the telephone that night to ask her what was so funny, but you don't hear her response because of the laughing. You then phone another friend; same response.

Verdict : Her friends don't like you, but she still does. Pursue!

Scenario 4 :

You write her a poem about what you would like to do to her. She shows it to her dad and he comes around and tries to beat you up.

Verdict : Her dad's overprotective of his daughter, especially when she talks about guys she likes! (which obviously must be you). The game is on!

Scenario 5 :

You're sitting around smoking with some friends one Friday night and this girl can't wait to get you drunk.

Verdict : Okay, the girl likes you. There's one problem : She's also probably ugly.

Scenario 6 :

The girl is dead.

Verdict : You might actually have a chance. Afterall, dead women never say no.

Haha :).

jue*a sip of heaven, a drop from paradise, a slice of sex.

you could be the sinner and i'd be the sin.

I lessthanthree the way you hugged me from the back, the way you held me so tight and kissed me on the forehead.

I so amazingly sayang you :).

On a completely different note, I've finally figured out what I really need.

I need my own DEXTER.

Yes, you read right. Dexter from This Lullaby. The guy who could be a total jerk at times, annoying the living daylights out of you yet at times he could say all the right words at the right time making you feel as though you’re the only person in his eyes.

I love his charm, the way the author described his smile and most of all, the musician in him.

Yes, I’m admitting it – I need him.

jue*baby you're the right kind of wrong.

lights will guide you home.

Too many incidents lately has made me realised that many people don't give two quacks about being grateful for the help they have received. It's not about the person offering the help being "tidak ikhlas" but a little gratitude every once in a while wouldn't hurt.

It's like almost expected that a person should help another regardless of the person's state. Imagine spending hours, sometimes days, helping someone out with a problem thinking "that's what friends do" but at the end of the day, not a word of thanks is uttered back.

I often wonder what's the point in helping others if all they do is stick up their nose high in the air and pretend like they weren't in any need of help in the first place? Unfortunately, my (usually non-showing) good samaritan side comes out and still offers to be the fool doing the donkey's work trying to help those ungrateful souls out of the grave they dug for themselves. Why? Because if we don't help them, who will?

I just hope I'm not the stupid enough to always be the fool. No douby my slightly compulsive behavior that strives for perfection usually leads me to being such a person. I just don't want to be the one that day in day out helps (I'm potraying myself as a nun) but when it's my turn to be the friend in need, everyone else just turns their backs.

Oh well, one can only hope.

jue*beautifully broken.

i miss the taste of you kiss on my lips.

Five months.

And there's nothing else to say.

jue*i don't quite know how to say what i feel.

cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

School's been okay. Yeah, just okay.

Oh, and happy birthday to my beloved brother.

You're finally eighteen. Yeay! :)

jue*cause you give me something that makes me scared alright.

if you're happy and you know it drop your pants.

It’s funny that when I feel like blogging the most, I’m having troubles logging in to my account. Hah, the irony -_-. If you don’t already know, in about seven hours I’ll be getting ready for school for my last first day in school. Yup, time does fly.

I’ve organized my shelves (all four), tidied my study table, colour coordinated my wardrobe and cleared my dressing table. I’ve got my pink file, pink pencil box, pink prefect thingie and pink bag all ready. I swear, the pinkness is a coincidence. Honest :).

I hope the new year opens up more doors in any way possible.

I hope we will have considerably less drama though I half heartedly don’t believe that’s possible.

I hope I meet new people this year – I’m getting bored of my friends ;).

I hope I have fun this year and I hope I have friends to have fun with (they’re being brainwashed into studying for SPM now).

I hope that anyone who tries to mess up this year would fall into a rat infested monsoon drain.

I hope that there would be a c3 again.

And I hope that school is going to be blast this year. I’m gonna make sure of it.

*crossesfingers*

jue*if you choose to say I like you, i might just say it too.

you're a holiday, just the kind i like.

I ushered in the New Year by joining the rest of the world at the Curve despite my reluctant-ness from the day before. The original plan was for Elena, Belle, Marsha, Hang, Vid and I to hang out and count down together but that soon changed after David called me and told me most of the guys would be there as well. So it ended up being one big group but Elena and I decided to separate so we ended up counting down with Irshad, Yasmin, Berl, Lal, Lizzie and Amirah followed by being the only ones around screaming like hooligans and shouting out the colours of the fireworks for a good ten minutes. WALALALALALALALA, right Liz?

And when I meant rest of the world, I seriously meant rest of the world. Besides my family and the people I counted down with, I bumped into IsaiahJoshuaThomas like four/five times. Then there was Piyachai (who looks so cute with his hair cut!), Fairuz, Ryan, Dayah, Layla, Sam, Chui Yi, Yee Wa, Praveena, Asheelaa, Eltsje, Amirul, Harris and omgsomanyothersI’veforgotten. Plus there were people I know of. Haha. And apparently, Danny boyy was there too.

It was a good way to start the new year and I seriously think I’m going to lose my voice soon. I can already hear it cracking.

jue*until the world caved in.