the fear.

So maybe I am a closed book.

So maybe it takes a little longer for you to figure me out.

But I would like to think I'm worth the effort.

rumba!

I can almost smell the freedom.

Twenty-one hours and counting.

burning room.

Six months and we've gotten no where.

Sometimes I feel like we're making progress but as of late, it's like the gear has been stuck on reverse and we can't seem to find the brakes. Slow down, speed up, it feels all the same to me.

Just remember that I won't allow myself to be your consolation prize. So toss a coin, shake the Magic 8 ball, do whatever that could possibly help you make up your mind. Or just pack up your bags and leave and we'll pretend this didn't happen.

Oh yes, I'm good at pretending.

Emotionally numb. I think that'd be the right terms.

All I need is to get through this next week with minimal bruises.

Edinwhat?

untouched.

Dennis bought me a baby blue polyester blankie.

I is happy.

deeper conversation.

Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress.

hormones flying everywhere.

Sunday afternoons spent (virtually) with the twin unhealthily obsessing over Facebook games, being kiasu and discussing replies you really shouldn't say to a boy.

Exams? What exams?

Oh, and mummy called me last night,

"Are you home yet?"
"Yes."
"So who went for dinner?"
"Nique, Vid, Mandy, Chris and I."
"Oh so girls only?"
"Chris is a boy."
"Oh I see. (Silence) So who's your boyfriend?"
"I don't have a boyfriend, mummy."
"Okay bye."

(hangs up)

I'm starting to believe my family just may be slightly dysfunctional.

steal my dream.

I think I've fallen in love with a designer.

baby, i'm yours.

"You two are like a movie I could film"

♥

tell me what's wrong.

Dear friend,

There are some things I just can't seem understand.

How could you? Why would you?

Was she the one that was always on your mind? And if so, how could you be with someone for so long while thinking of someone else? Did a switch just flip when things turned sour? Do you think of her when you are with her? Or do you think of her when you are with her?

Why would you put yourself in such a mess? Why would you hurt someone you used to love? Did you think of the consequences of your actions? How it could have potentially (and probably did) scar those around you for the rest of their lives? How it would always be a dark cloud hanging above your head?

There are so many things I wish I could ask, so many questions left unanswered.

But the one that takes the cake - Why do I care so much?

make you believe.

Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through all of this.

Ready, get set, go.

and be merry.

I told myself I wouldn't get emotionally attached and I was doing just fine - until this semester.

Maybe it's because I subconsciously knew it was the last semester or maybe it's because my schedule wasn't as crazy. I didn't set out to make this last one the best, everything just sort of fell in place, and I'm thankful for that.

It saddens me a little that yesterday felt so final. Like the goodbye hugs were really goodbye hugs and the comfort zone I have slowly and carefully built for the past one and a half years now doesn't mean all that much.


College has indeed been one heck of a roller coaster ride. There were times where I'd wake up eager to get out of the house and there were times when all I wanted to do was to climb in my tiny cave and hibernate.

But I'm glad things ended (or begun, whichever) the way they did. With the new found friends (who apparently have been here all this while), the rekindled relationfriendships, Mamak G and Spinky, random KPD E meet-ups, usual Wednesday lunches and everything else in between - there have been very few regrets for the past four months.


And that's one more (major) chapter closed.

lips like sugar.

What happens if you meet the love of your life but you're already married to someone else?

♥

pudding and pie.

This week has simply been amazing <3.

...and I have no form of picture proof.

Yesterday must have been one of the funniest days in college. Seven hours spent at the same spot at the same mamak. I swear it must be some sort of record. From Stats with Manesh, holding Das's bag hostage, karaoke sessions, house talk, sharing good taste in music and other shit loads of random stuff - I'm sure as heck going to miss this all in a week.

Oh right, college is donezo in seven days.

Shit.

[Insert happy picture of the usual here]

i've got a plan.

"Guess where I am? At your bus stop area! Be there in a bit."

"Haha, okay. I'll walk there now :)"

Three minutes later...

"I don't see you also. You lied to me isit? >:("

"I'm on the bus on the way to main block yo!"

Some things never change.

I love my Viddy <3

ain't got nobody.

Just because I held your hand,
Just because I kissed your lips,
Just because I was in your arms,
Just because we spent one night,
Just because we crossed the lines,

...doesn't mean it had to mean something.

Because it doesn't mean a thing.

you can spend the night.

So this is the part of a fling where we grow apart. The distance becomes more and more evident. I may have possibly forgotten how you look like.

It's funny how we set out knowing for certain that at some point the whatchumacallit-ship would turn sour, that after the crazy climax there just has to be a down turn. But knowing barely comes close to believing and in no way does it make this situation easier to handle.

I must admit though, in a span of a few weeks, I've swung from one extreme to another. From feeling all giddily happy, I now feel strangely numb - a feeling all too familiar but never quite welcomed either.

So maybe this is for the best. Maybe we shouldn't have crossed that line. Maybe there's still a chance to turn back time to the amazing friendship we first had.

Or maybe this is where it all comes to an end.

see you, breathe you.

• The last week of classes.
• Mr. We-Shouldn't-Have-Crossed-That-Line.
  
• Exams.
• A-Levels Ball.
• The best friend leaving.
• Scholarships.
• Edinburgh.

Edit @ 22nd April 2009, 8.06 pm :

• Left foot that won't seem to heal.
  

So maybe there's quite a bit on my mind.

make no apologies.

This whole back and forth mind game thing is tiring.

Yes or no, boy.

sectumsempra.

The last one's my favourite.

Aren't you excited?

never miss a beat.

What did you learn today? I learned nothing.
What did you do today? I did nothing.
What did you learn at school? I didn't go.
Why didn't you go to school? I don't know.

Kaiser Chiefs are awesome <3.