run baby, run.

You won't believe the number of times I counted to 100 today, the number of times I had to breathe in and out just to make sure I wouldn't explode, the number of times I clinched my fist only to remind myself that "No, this is not worth getting angry over".

Well, I always was quite an angry teen.

But this isn't the first time I found your logic rather erm, illogical. What is the point of informing someone else on transport matters when I've already made plans with you? What is the point of only deciding to go for lunch at the designated time that you knew I specifically needed to be picked up? What is the point of defending yourself when you knew clearly that you're in the wrong?

All you needed to do was apologize.

To think just this morning I was regretting ever being snappy and sarcastic to you when I knew you did (almost) nothing to deserve such treatment.

Well today, you definitely earned it.

Watch me as I stab a pen through your photograph.

chemical burns.

I don't think the word 'upset' makes the cut.

But I'm sure there has to be something to describe the way I feel right about now. A word that could just sum up all these suppressed emotions running through my veins. Anger, disappointment, jealousy - the list just goes on.

You speak as though you've memorized it's bible. You say things with the unmistakable aura of a know-it-all. Don't be foolish, you are no where close. And god forbid you think I am.

But I do know that I've earned the right to say that I've had years more experience than your last few weeks of so-called exposure. I certainly have gone through a lot more than you have, sacrificed a lot more than you have and definitely dedicated a lot more than you have.

Maybe you think I'm nothing but jealous, nothing but a person sitting on her high horse reminiscing of her past glory. Say what you want to whomever you want but I only ask of one thing from you. Please stop acting like you've been born into this. Stop acting like this is where you belong, like this is your one true calling.

'Friends' does not entitle you to immunity. It doesn't give you the right to brag about your minor achievements. Be sensitive, my friend. You already know how I feel about this, how much this one thing means to me. Do you really lack compassion? Are you that full of yourself that you're blinded?

I admit that I do expect a lot from those I call my friends. Selfish, I know. I expect you to understand how this could possibly make me feel, to know your boundaries - for I know mine.

So please, try not to disappoint once again.

There's only so many times I can forgive.

walking with a ghost.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

or

Out of sight, out of mind?


You decide.

disturb the sound of silence.

I dare say we've grown up (mentally) together. Sure, we've only known each other for seven years, but we've gone through so much that it just won't be fitting if we weren't as close as we are now.

From the young(er) days...

2004

2005

...till' now.

2006

2007

We've celebrated many birthdays together,

Your seventeenth

My sixteenth

went through high school together,

Genting 05'

Rompin 07' (just to summarize the Interact drama over the years)

Maroon Monsters
and then graduated together.

We went for prom together,

rocked out at concerts together,

My Chemical Romance

Panic at the Disco

holidayed in Bangkok together,

and also made truckloads of friends along the way.

Charmed, Matchmaking, Oreo Bambinos, Trio

Muffy Popz, Class Five, Camp Five, Holiday Trio

I think it's certainly safe to say that we've come a long way.

I like how our friendship withstood the test of time and distance.

Even crazy college schedules can't keep us apart.

I like how we could have fun doing the silliest of things...

...or just nothing at all.

So we kinda spent hours taking pictures in your bathroom

I like how each other's company is well beyond enough.

And how we spent almost all day everyday together last year (and didn't kill each other).

With Mr. Cheen & Mr Willy (:

I like how you listen to me rant about everything under the sun and not once did you ask me to shut the fuck up when I didn't make any sense.

I'm lucky to have spent so many years experiencing many new things with you, knowing that no matter what, I'd always have you by my side.

And don't you ever doubt that I'd be right by your side too.

Happy happy eighteenth, best friend <3.

...just another eighty-two years till you're hundred.

p/s I spared the really young pictures from primary school - lets minimize public humiliation here.

like a film without sound.

I have to admit, I love reading my old posts.

It's an indescribable feeling to read through written memories, observing how much everything has changed - writing style included. Don't mistaken me for living in the past. I just believe that it doesn't hurt to revisit forgotten memories every once in awhile. If something (or someone) were to mean so much to you before, it should very well mean something to you now.

So for the sake of future reference, here are a fraction of the (excerpts of the) posts that sparked certain emotions.

October 18th 2006;

...I came across a notebook only half used. Talk about killing the trees. I flipped through the pages and came across a very sweet message I had copied from a series of smses I got back in the days (fine, it was only last year) when I used to "borrow" my daddy's handphone and message a certain someone during odd hours of the night.

If I were to tell you I love you a 100 times over, it wouldn't mean as much as the first time.
But I'd tell you I love you a 100 times and love you more as the number climbs.
And all the times I didn't say, how much I love you in every way, I wished you stay in my arm's today, so I can chase your fears away.
And now I tell you I love you, and tell you now I wish I could find you there within my arms so soft and warm and loving more.
Love you dear :)

November 9th 2006;

To me, the best thing about not having expectations is that the good things that actually do happen totally take you by surprise. Instead of arguing the night away, my brother (albeit reluctantly) dragged his silly ass to my room. After jumping on my bed, tugging at my comforters and stealing my teddies, he made himself comfortable on the other bed and created stories about me and my "boyfriend" to amuse himself. Then we threw pillows at each other from bed to bed, challenged who's torchlight was brighter (am I the only one thinking dirty about that sentence?), and I started disturbing him on his bed. Of course the night ended with him hugging me so I would leave him alone to sleep.

February 13th 2007;

I was out girly shopping with my mum just because I felt like it the other day and I told her, "Mum, I'm looking for a SLEEVED dress or baby doll top. One that I could actually wear for school functions."

She stared at my for a little while, raised her eyebrows and then replied, "Sleeved dress? What sort of dress is that?"

And then you all wonder why my skirts are so short.

February 19th 2007;

The entry is simply too long to post here. But it's hilarious.

April 23rd 2007;

Gosh I miss that feeling of adrenalin, excitement and nervousness all bundled up into one. I miss getting ready at the back, quickly running through every dance move, every stunt before the MCs announce our team's name and we come running skipping out. I miss looking at the blue mat waiting for the first cue for the song. I miss running around the field like mad hooligans being horny little cheerleaders before realising Miss Liew is watching us from the office. I miss Liz&Kel measuring everyone making sure the 'right parts' are growing. I miss feeling as though I could touch the sky. I miss being part of something and working towards a mutual goal. I miss spending the last two competitions with Sir LalaMcshortyPants by my side. It's been months since I've left the team, but it has finally hit me, I actually do miss cheer.

May 30th 2007;

Everyone : Dhabu, dhabu, dhabu.
Razreen : Hey! We're Dhabu. Not debu. We surprise you with a...
Everyone : Peekaboo!

Razreen : We drink...
Everyone: Air tebu!

Razreen : We eat...

Everyone : Sup labu!

Razreen : And we still...
Everyone : BEAT YOU!

June 12th 2007;

31st May - Went to school to flirt with Kevin pass up Bio books then off to Jaya with Nique. Twas was fun...before crap happened. Oh, and happy birthday Meer :).

June 17th 2007;

M : what to do? i have a THING for tall skinny boyys.
JT : i cant help but to imagine him bald.

June 25th 2007;

It took me forever to finally get dressed and by the time I left the house, Kim msg-ed to tell me something just so he could torment me very early in the morning. But because Lady Luck was on my side, my wish came true and I had eye candy for the next couple of stations.

(Three guesses who this is referring to)

July 11th 2007;

July 16th 2007;

Because I'm his. Just his.

July 26th 2007;

(only because I forgot I wrote this)

I'm still quite amused at the way fate works. Little did I know that when I was having all my doubts, you were feeling the same way. Never would I have guessed that we would end up where we are right now with our daily conversations and midnight talks. I have no complaints, cause for the first time in the last couple of weeks, I'm truly absolutely happy.

It's only been about a month, but so far I have no regrets.

You'd probably be reading this some time soon and although I've said this before, I'll say it again; I like the way we are now and most of all, I like you, and that's all that really matters :).

I can't wait to have your pick around my neck <3.

August 1st 2007;

I think now would be the perfect time to go to the beach. Just with him, a baby animal blanket and my pink bikinis.

August 3rd 2007;

"We could call her beezwhackedupbitchfacedfuckedupmotherbleepingloserfiedfattass or Osama for short."

September 17th 2007;

The first of many.

October 19th 2007;

I couldn't be more wrong. Seriously.

And I wouldn't erase these memories for the world.

your blazing gun.

Even though we were frequently interrupted with;

Cat playing - mostly on Julian's part.

Piano playing due to Nabeel and Niro's demands.

Niro : "AQIL, PLAY THE PIANO!"

Aqil : "Okay, okay"

*I walk in with the camera*

Niro : "NO WAIT TAKE PICTURE FIRST!"

Excessive laughter (though this isn't entirely bad)

"Jaws, I can't see you." - Nique

I guess the (team)work really paid off.

Aqil's Little Helpers.

No guesses what his name is.

Congratulations Aqilu (:

Doing the insertnameofboyhere pose.

You deserve it (:

blast from the past.

I. Was. So. Fucking. Skinny.

Skinny with ass.

What the heck happened?