Purple Mascara v2.

the fear.

2009-07-01T22:11:00.002+08:00

So maybe I am a closed book.

So maybe it takes a little longer for you to figure me out.

But I would like to think I'm worth the effort.

rumba!

2009-06-16T17:55:00.002+08:00

I can almost smell the freedom.

Twenty-one hours and counting.

burning room.

2009-06-09T23:21:00.003+08:00

Six months and we've gotten no where.

Sometimes I feel like we're making progress but as of late, it's like the gear has been stuck on reverse and we can't seem to find the brakes. Slow down, speed up, it feels all the same to me.

Just remember that I won't allow myself to be your consolation prize. So toss a coin, shake the Magic 8 ball, do whatever that could possibly help you make up your mind. Or just pack up your bags and leave and we'll pretend this didn't happen.

Oh yes, I'm good at pretending.

Emotionally numb. I think that'd be the right terms.

All I need is to get through this next week with minimal bruises.

Edinwhat?

untouched.

2009-06-05T23:38:00.002+08:00

Dennis bought me a baby blue polyester blankie.

I is happy.

deeper conversation.

2009-06-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress.

hormones flying everywhere.

2009-05-17T14:05:00.004+08:00

Sunday afternoons spent (virtually) with the twin unhealthily obsessing over Facebook games, being kiasu and discussing replies you really shouldn't say to a boy.

Exams? What exams?

Oh, and mummy called me last night,

"Are you home yet?"
"Yes."
"So who went for dinner?"
"Nique, Vid, Mandy, Chris and I."
"Oh so girls only?"
"Chris is a boy."
"Oh I see. (Silence) So who's your boyfriend?"
"I don't have a boyfriend, mummy."
"Okay bye."

(hangs up)

I'm starting to believe my family just may be slightly dysfunctional.

steal my dream.

2009-05-16T17:44:00.002+08:00

I think I've fallen in love ~~with a designer~~.

baby, i'm yours.

2009-05-13T23:59:00.001+08:00

"You two are like a movie I could film"

♥

tell me what's wrong.

2009-05-09T18:19:00.004+08:00

Dear friend,

There are some things I just can't seem understand.

How could you? Why would you?

Was she the one that was always on your mind? And if so, how could you be with someone for so long while thinking of someone else? Did a switch just flip when things turned sour? Do you think of her when you are with her? Or do you think of her when you are with her?

Why would you put yourself in such a mess? Why would you hurt someone you used to love? Did you think of the consequences of your actions? How it could have potentially (and probably did) scar those around you for the rest of their lives? How it would always be a dark cloud hanging above your head?

There are so many things I wish I could ask, so many questions left unanswered.

But the one that takes the cake - Why do I care so much?

make you believe.

2009-05-08T20:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through all of this.

Ready, get set, go.

and be merry.

2009-05-08T19:59:00.004+08:00

I told myself I wouldn't get emotionally attached and I was doing just fine - until this semester.

Maybe it's because I subconsciously knew it was the last semester or maybe it's because my schedule wasn't as crazy. I didn't set out to make this last one the best, everything just sort of fell in place, and I'm thankful for that.

It saddens me a little that yesterday felt so final. Like the goodbye hugs were really goodbye hugs and the comfort zone I have slowly and carefully built for the past one and a half years now doesn't mean all that much.

College has indeed been one heck of a roller coaster ride. There were times where I'd wake up eager to get out of the house and there were times when all I wanted to do was to climb in my tiny cave and hibernate.

But I'm glad things ended (or begun, whichever) the way they did. With the new found friends (who apparently have been here all this while), the rekindled ~~relation~~friendships, Mamak G and Spinky, random KPD E meet-ups, usual Wednesday lunches and everything else in between - there have been very few regrets for the past four months.

And that's one more (major) chapter closed.

lips like sugar.

2009-05-02T14:25:00.007+08:00

What happens if you meet the love of your life but you're already married to someone else?

♥

pudding and pie.

2009-05-01T23:47:00.005+08:00

This week has simply been amazing <3.

...and I have no form of picture proof.

Yesterday must have been one of the funniest days in college. Seven hours spent at the same spot at the same mamak. I swear it must be some sort of record. From Stats with Manesh, holding Das's bag hostage, karaoke sessions, house talk, sharing good taste in music and other shit loads of random stuff - I'm sure as heck going to miss this all in a week.

Oh right, college is donezo in seven days.

Shit.

[Insert happy picture of the usual here]

i've got a plan.

2009-04-28T19:38:00.002+08:00

"Guess where I am? At your bus stop area! Be there in a bit."

"Haha, okay. I'll walk there now :)"

Three minutes later...

"I don't see you also. You lied to me isit? >:("

"I'm on the bus on the way to main block yo!"

Some things never change.

I love my Viddy <3

ain't got nobody.

2009-04-27T00:31:00.003+08:00

Just because I held your hand,
Just because I kissed your lips,
Just because I was in your arms,
Just because we spent one night,
Just because we crossed the lines,

...doesn't mean it had to mean something.

Because it doesn't mean a thing.

you can spend the night.

2009-04-22T21:48:00.004+08:00

So this is the part of a fling where we grow apart. The distance becomes more and more evident. I may have possibly forgotten how you look like.

It's funny how we set out knowing for certain that at some point the whatchumacallit-ship would turn sour, that after the crazy climax there just has to be a down turn. But knowing barely comes close to believing and in no way does it make this situation easier to handle.

I must admit though, in a span of a few weeks, I've swung from one extreme to another. From feeling all giddily happy, I now feel strangely numb - a feeling all too familiar but never quite welcomed either.

So maybe this is for the best. Maybe we shouldn't have crossed that line. Maybe there's still a chance to turn back time to the amazing friendship we first had.

Or maybe this is where it all comes to an end.

see you, breathe you.

2009-04-21T23:01:00.002+08:00

The last week of classes.
Mr. We-Shouldn't-Have-Crossed-That-Line.
Exams.
A-Levels Ball.
The best friend leaving.
Scholarships.
Edinburgh.

Edit @ 22nd April 2009, 8.06 pm :

Left foot that won't seem to heal.

So maybe there's quite a bit on my mind.

make no apologies.

2009-04-20T20:25:00.004+08:00

This whole back and forth mind game thing is tiring.

Yes or no, boy.

sectumsempra.

2009-04-18T00:30:00.009+08:00

The last one's my favourite.

Aren't you excited?

never miss a beat.

2009-04-14T20:14:00.002+08:00

What did you learn today? I learned nothing.
What did you do today? I did nothing.
What did you learn at school? I didn't go.
Why didn't you go to school? I don't know.

Kaiser Chiefs are awesome <3.

to make me better.

2009-04-13T09:41:00.003+08:00

Hello, here I am, skipping my Accounting mocks - seven weeks before my paper.

This whole hormonal thing needs to get checked. I've heard Ray LaMontagne's Hold You In My Arms just about, fifteen times this morning alone. I'm tired of being on this roller coaster of emotions, being blown around by the wind, being so fickle yet so sure all at the same time. Or maybe all I need is just a good day in bed, tucked under my orange comforter. ~~Clothes would be optional.~~

Okay, I'm running late for my next class (I'm trying to make myself believe I'm going to attempt going to class).

Oh, and best friend is leaving in exactly seventeen weeks and three days.

Hugs&hickies.

funny little feeling.

2009-04-11T19:21:00.002+08:00

Indulge in you a little deeper.

♥

worn out faces.

2009-04-09T22:28:00.003+08:00

This is me, moving on to bigger and better things.

I've finally realized how toxic our friendship was. I must admit, it took me awhile to come to this point. It's funny to think back to the times when I once thought I couldn't last without you. You were such a big part of my every day that not talking to you would disrupt the balance of things.

But now I see how the things that matter to you are so unimportant to me. Trivial, almost.

Don't get me wrong, I had truckloads of fun and leave now with very few regrets.

But this is me, having outgrown you.

Have a nice life (:

talk with your hips.

2009-04-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

It'd be so easy to lose myself to you.

♥

the irony.

2009-04-08T19:32:00.003+08:00

I wish I had the energy to clear my mind.

Isn't it strange that the two people I really feel like talking to now are;

Liew Berlin - all the way in Aussieland (I don't know if you remember the day that picture was taken but now that I think about it, it'd definitely be one for the books. Oh, how our scriptwriters love us!)

...and Amira Baharin - who's in one of the two places I want to be at right now.

Hehe, you know I love you both <3

show some skin.

2009-04-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

Do you or don't you want me to love you?

♥

when you go down down.

2009-04-03T23:32:00.002+08:00

This week has been...(unexpectedly) good.

Because apparently college kids play the Game of Life ~~while skipping class~~ during breaks (:

Because Jean kept on having kid after kid after kid, so much so that her car didn't have any space and we had to stack her baby girl on top. It was rather amusing to see her stress herself over college fees. (Oh, &&for the record : Zai can't do math)

Because boys will be boys. This was probably the only time I've heard (a measly number of) four boys complain about cramming at the back of a civic. Like you haven't done worse.

Because I followed the boys for futsal, ~~ran into a certain someone~~, and managed to somewhat catch up with the rather loud BB-ians.

Because it was reallyreally funny taking (many) pictures for the A Levels Yearbook.

And most of all, because today was simply - a fantastic Friday.

I think I've just stocked up on my buckets of sunshine and rainbow dust.

into the abyss.

2009-03-31T20:31:00.002+08:00

Two years, seven months, three weeks and one day.

I could really use one of our talks right now.

Forever and always, dodol.

without you.

2009-03-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

Because with you, I'm always second best.

as you please.

2009-03-24T00:58:00.000+08:00

To be everything we're not.

♥

no one ever really dies.

2009-03-22T19:40:00.006+08:00

Sunburst KL and the CHARM Cheerleading Competition are very distinct memories of 2008. The people I went with, the things that took place before and after said events as well as the 3857934857 feelings I felt throughout the ordeal. So, considering both events took place this weekend, you could probably imagine all the flashbacks that were running through my mind.

With that said, I enjoyed myself. A little different from how I did last year, but I still had truckloads of fun.

I'm happy ♥

Anyhoo, Sunburst yesterday was worth my entire 173 buckaroos. I'm glad (after much deliberation) that I decided to go because even though the headline act wasn't my cup of tea, it was one amazing festival.

Unlike last year, this time I went during the day (and thankfully did not go home like some burnt chicken). Managed to catch Estrella, Cosmic Kitchen, Estranged, Nidji, Agrikulture (-_-) and of course, the one and only - N.E.R.D. (!!). Spent some time at the Silent Disco and F1 thingamabob too (:

Left half way through Korn's set because heck, after spending eight hours there, there's only so much of screaming suicidal music I can take.

Oh, and for the record;

I don't care that I didn't catch any picks from Panic's concert. &&I don't care that I didn't get the poloroid of Jason and the crowd. Because this time...

...I was on stage with Pharrell Williams.

HEHEHEHE.

You should have seen me scream when I heard the opening of Lapdance. And we actually had place to dance since we climbed over the barricade(!), hence having more space than if we were to be squished behind. Happy times!

Seriously, it was better than Brandon Boyd taking off his shirt and Jason Mraz's concert combined.

The rest of the (happytrippy) pictures are on Facebook.

Be jealous, bitches <3.

fall down.

2009-03-18T23:20:00.002+08:00

Why don't ~~you~~ I walk away?

innocence for pride.

2009-03-18T23:18:00.002+08:00

Took me forever to fall asleep last night.

It just one of those nights when all you wanted was for someone to hold you until you slowly drifted off to dream land.

Where were you when I needed you?

say a prayer.

2009-03-17T21:41:00.005+08:00

Only one question has been going through my mind the past few weeks;

What the fuck am I doing?

I don't have the right to be upset. I shouldn't be this emotionally involved. I can't let this control me. And the worst thing is, I know I'm heading down a one way road to self-destruction yet I can't seem to slam on the brakes. Not when there's the slightest possibility. Not when there's a chance.

So here I stand. A little saddened, a little discontent - but with no reason to feel this way.

All I need are a few answers.

All I ~~need~~ want is -

Where is this going?

get up and dance.

2009-03-15T19:42:00.003+08:00

Because I've spent hours on YouTube today;

Five bucks if you spot me.

that one way road.

2009-03-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

Don't shrug your shoulders, lay down beside me.

♥

oh how misery loved me.

2009-03-11T22:25:00.004+08:00

Tonight, I'm just happy.

♥

so when i come back.

2009-03-09T22:36:00.003+08:00

I still feel like I threw enormous amounts of guilt onto the best friend, but (if that is true) selfishly enough, I had so much fun over the weekend, it pretty much cancels out the guilt.

Truth be told, we didn't do much. I only dropped by her place at 1030-ish, so we just updated each other on the past three weeks or so, made rice crispies, watched a movie, stole bolsters, had a pillow fight (before our hands got tired), danced like no one was watching and laughed our worries away.

Twenty-three weeks and counting.

In all fairness, I did make her complete her Econs essay.

Now tell me you don't think that's fattening - Marshmallows coated in butter.

The next morning - Skype!

My favouritest deskmate.

Because no matter how crazy our lives get, we still have each other.

Sarah at her best (:

Na&her pink hair.

They didn't notice I cut my hair >:(

I haven't seen her in ages but she still only asks me about one ~~thing~~ person.

Perfect fit.

I love this look on her.

And I quote Bree, "Under my umbrella, ella, ella, ey!"

The more things seem to change,
the more they stay the same.

Sarah Aliah bt. Mohd Azman :)

I want her to come to Edinburgh :(

I constantly annoyed Miss Thana, Ieka constantly read passages for Miss Thana, Bree silently cursed Miss Thana and Nique...?

Our pretty picture while waiting for the lights to change:)

It's insanely hard to wrap my mind around the whole 'going our seperate ways' thing.

Sigh, I've missed you girls.

boy, i hear you.

2009-03-07T11:10:00.001+08:00

The world could do with much less yelling.

for anyone.

2009-03-06T00:39:00.002+08:00

We would have made headlines, baby.

♥

who has to know?

2009-03-05T23:27:00.001+08:00

I actually wrote this awhile ago, just before I went to bed. Tonight's conversation gave me some reason to publish it -;

As time passes, the memory of high school seems to become increasingly distant.

It's a scary (and dreadful) thought to think that yes, a day will come when I'd barely be able to remember the sights, the sounds, even the smells.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not that I'm stuck in the past, unable and unwilling to move on to bigger and better things. Simply put, high school was amazing for me and the thought of it being so behind us, so far in the past, so forgotten among the latest scandals of life, saddens me a little.

Random thought before I went to bed last night, knuckle push-ups.

I still love watching them scouts in uniform on tar roads with their fists pressured onto the ground while they not to much grit their teeth but relish in the pain. That thought alone reminded me of DP and how that night would remain only between the four of us - like our own little secret.

I do very much feel like grabbing hold of whatever I can remember and storing it away in a little box, just so it'd remain there - untouched, unforgotten. A little like Dumbledore's pensieve, to be revisited when needed.

I wouldn't change a thing.

the deep blue ocean.

2009-03-04T23:59:00.006+08:00

I would like to write about something Jason Mraz centred but (almost) everyone has proclaimed their undying love for him. Another 'OMG THE CONCERT WAS SO BLOODY AWESOME!' would be rather pointless.

I do have to say though - There were so many ways the night could have turned out which makes me ~~rather~~ grateful how things managed to just click together.

Stolen toilet paper, ex-boyfriends, Nike shoes, 'Guy Who Wants to Live Forever', marriage proposals, "destiny", and of course - money burgers.

Who could ask for more?

yours to keep.

2009-03-04T10:24:00.001+08:00

And I want to tell you just how it feels when you look at me that way.

♥

unraveling through my brain.

2009-02-27T18:36:00.004+08:00

I was originally going to let you digest the Oscar dresses but I'm just way too excited.

I have never been blown away by a collection before. I was flipping through the pictures and my jaw literally dropped.

Maybe it's because I've secretly always wanted to be able to sketch like this (and looking at these sketches makes me feel unworthy of even try to sketch).

But whatever the reason, I present to you my Top 5 from the Atelier Versace's Spring 2009 collection -

Now tell me your jaw dropped too.

fire my imagination.

2009-02-27T18:19:00.003+08:00

Okay, so the last post seemed a little suicidal. Rest assured, I'm alive and kicking.

I've been meaning to publish this post awhile ago but I couldn't find the time to do it, not that the horrible internet connection would have allowed me to anyways.

So, because I'm a bigger fashion buff than people think I am (and because the dresses this year are so damn pretty), here are my favourites from this year's Oscars - in no particular order.

All pictures are courtesy of Red Carpet Fashion Awards (my most frequented site on the net -heh.)

Evan Rachel Wood.
Is it just me or Evan Rachel Wood is gradually toning down her Dita Von Teese-ness after breaking up with Marilyn Manson? I personally would love to see this dress is a bright canary yellow, like Angelina Jolie's Emanuel Ungaro dress that she wore at the premier of Ocean's Thirteen in Cannes.

Jennifer Aniston.

There's something about this dress that is quite deja vu when it comes to Jennifer Aniston (or maybe it's the hair) but I love this dress and the way it sparkles. It's like Tinkerbell at an evening dinner.

Maria Menounos.

Looking at dresses make me feel like such a girly girl. But honestly, can you imagine slipping into a dress like this? It's bound to make you feel like a fairy princess, with all the embroidered flowers at the bottom. I'm picturing myself wearing this at the annual ball :D.

Marisa Tomei.

The colour. The hair. The pleats. Enough said.

Miley Cyrus.

I remember seeing Miley Cyrus in this dress and immediately texting Mandy saying it aged Miley by about a bazillion years. With that said, I do think it's a gorgeous dress, though I haven't quite decided on the butterfly belt (I don't like butterflies on clothing). I especially like the neck line - no prizes why.

Natalie Portman.

I didn't quite expect to see so much of nude/off white/neutral colour dresses on the red carpet, even though it is the colour of the season. I like to see vibrant colour dresses which is probably why I'm slightly biased towards this dress. It does, however, somewhat remind me of Olivia Wilde's lavender dress at the 2009 Golden Globes. Oh, and lets just ignore Natalie Portman's make-up though.

Taraji P. Henson.

This dress doesn't look very easy to walk in. The Oscars really pushed my liking of neutral coloured dresses to its limits but that aside, I like this whole look. The make-up, the hair, the outstanding necklace, the dress and the red bag that adds a little punch to it.

Zhang Ziyi (though this is actually from one of the after parties).

Zhang Ziyi does not look thirty at all. She's so (healthily) skinny, it makes me jealous. I'm not a big fan of the shoes but I do like the hair. I think the dress looked better as it was presented on the runway, with the a bow in the middle.

Okay, I'm done.

Oh, and three words - YSL Tribute Pumps.

Now who said my shoes look like hooker-ish?

~~Bitch.~~

bulletproof vest.

2009-02-27T00:23:00.003+08:00

I still do things and wonder what you'd think about it (or me). I still wonder if you'd approve, I still pretend that you'd care.

But at 12.19am, I said my goodbyes once and for all.

It was nice knowing you.

speed up your breathing.

2009-02-24T23:54:00.005+08:00

From Ben's Facebook - just because;

Step 1 : Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2 : Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3 : Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4 : Don't look them up on Google or any other search engine, you cheater.
Step 5 : If you like the game, post your own.

1. I'm Mr. Jealous Man today.
2. ~~We both lie silently still in the dead of the night.~~
3. ~~Come and go now as you please.~~
4. ~~I'm the next act waiting in the wings.~~
5. ~~When the wind blows and the rain feels cold.~~
6. ~~Say my name and his in the same breath.~~
7. ~~Stop making the eyes at me and I'll stop making the eyes at you.~~
8. ~~Never knew I could feel like this.~~
9. Oh, next light bust a right.
10. Say a prayer for me, I need a new life.
11. ~~Hey where did we go, days when the rains came.~~
12. ~~Strain this chaos, turn it into light.~~
13. ~~Right now, he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blond tramp.~~
14. Cheesecake Murder's Sunshine is playing, so lets skip this one.
15. ~~I've got my memories always inside of me.~~
16. ~~It was 1989, my thoughts were short, my hair was long.~~
17. ~~When I was younger, I used to be wild.~~
18. ~~I couldn't sleep last night, I walked alone.~~
19. ~~This house is a circus, berserk as fuck.~~
20. ~~All I need is a bitter song to make me better.~~
21. Plug me in and turn me on.
22. ~~Embracing, the thought of tasting.~~
23. ~~If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like me.~~
24. ~~I didn't ask, they shouldn't have told me.~~
25. ~~Hey Miss Murder, can I...?~~
26. ~~Buckets of rain, buckets of tears.~~
27. ~~Oh, I stepped off the train at dawn.~~
28. ~~I'll take you home if you don't leave me at the front door.~~
29. ~~You can dress me up in diamonds.~~
30. ~~Everybody's hurting, everybody knows it.~~

when the music stops.

2009-02-24T23:27:00.004+08:00

The busy schedule(s), the distance, the time difference - It's like we have the odds stacked against us.

But somehow, someway, we manage.

We manage to calm each other down when university administrations decide to toy with our emotions. We (read : you) manage to help each other (read : me) when Math decides to kick us in the butt. We manage to be there when it matters the most, just before our worlds seemingly come crashing down.

So, just because I don't say it enough - Thank you, hun. For every little thing, every little time.

Don't know what I'll do without you.

well you know nothing.

2009-02-19T22:47:00.003+08:00

If you were to ask me what's new lately, I'd probably give you a standard answer - I lead a boring and uneventful life.

Well, today has been slightly different. Apart from the fact I skipped my first class of the semester (not that it matters now), the news of a broken marriage, the stress from exam registration and changing of subjects as well as the (extra++) dosage of fresh gossip...my house gate just fell.

Yup.

Gate. House. Fell.

Those who have been to my place would know how big the iron gate is so you can imagine how heavy that thing is as well.

Thankfully no one got hurt, though there's some damage on the gate, the pillars and the surrounding porch tiles.

On a completely different know, I'm done with classes for the week which basically translates to total free time for the next three days. Too bad I've run out of DVDs to watch.

Oh Lord have mercy on me.

what's that sound?

2009-02-16T23:22:00.002+08:00

Because no one can do it like he does;

Once upon a generation gap, there lived a girl who had strawberry coloured hair. She lived in a world of candy and in that world, everyone lived happily ever after except for one - a guy who's name should not be mentioned. He had slimy green hair, long green finger nails and people called him...BAYAM!

So one day, Strawberry Girl went to play around the Candyland and suddenly!, she tripped on a piece of rock candy.

She says, "Damn! Stupid rock candy! Spoiled my friggin marshmallow slippers."

Then suddenly, as she was looking at her damaged slippers, she felt a presence. She turned around and saw...

JENG JENG JENG...

BAYAM!!

They fought. Bayam with his long slimy hands and Strawberry Girl with her plump arms. Obviously, Bayam won the fight because Strawberry Girl couldn't move much - she was fat.

THE END!

Moral of story : Eat your veggie!

spell on you.

2009-02-14T18:05:00.004+08:00

My 'laying on the grass talking about life' friend said that she reckons girlfriends of my close (guy) friends would probably feel insecure or threatened by me.

Which further strengthens my theory on me being some dirty little mistress.

And I really doubt that's a compliment.

winter in june.

2009-02-08T01:47:00.000+08:00

I think I realised this a long time ago. It just took me awhile to fully accept the fact and be okay with it.

There's no way you're coming back.

under the tracks.

2009-02-08T01:03:00.002+08:00

"..i just woke up. and had the weirdest dream involving you, my house, cookies, roadtrips, bozo the clown, nudity, a hospital and pretzels o_O"

At least I'm not the only one with weird dreams.

two! i'm kissing on you.

2009-02-04T02:44:00.000+08:00

It was rather comforting to just lay on the cool parquet floor and listen to the pitterpatter of raindrops against the window.

Pictures from last Saturday, just because it was such a happy night;

We've been through some good times and some bad but I'm glad we've overcome it. There's no one like Nana!

In case you don't already know - Nique, Jil, Mei, Aishah, Hana, yours truly, Ieka, Hang.

I love the way Mei boogies.

"Give me sexy", we said. And this is what we get.

SS1 kaki!

Muzzie.

Lunch owed for six years, mattress thrown away. It's like she doesn't love me anymore.

Five bucks if you spot the red candy.

Lim Dominique Jo.

Camp Five - missing Sarah.

I started off high school with them (and Fatin). 1 Bakti kids (:

Edinburgh-bound (hopefully!)

Suri rumah.

Head Prefect and one of her assistants. How I don't miss Friday meetings. Haha!

Kiki Nana.

The smartest girl I know.

To say I had fun would definitely be an understatement.

Saturday made me realize just how close we are to taking yet another step towards adulthood. The fact that we're starting university soon seems so surreal. We'd be pieces of a puzzle, scattered around the globe.

Ten years down the line, will you still call?

outskirts of town.

2009-01-29T23:18:00.005+08:00

From Breebree's blog, just to pass the time;

you are khaki
#F0E68C

Your dominant hues are red and green, so you're definately not afraid to get in and stir things up. You have no time for most people's concerns, you'd rather analyze with your head than be held back by some random "gut feeling".

Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

I don't know about the 'don't stress out over things' but I suppose everything else is pretty accurate, considering my favourite blog colour for the longest time was khaki (or according to Rajpal, the baby puke colour).

Okay back to the books :(

Last exam paper tomorrow!

of power and surrender.

2009-01-23T00:10:00.001+08:00

If everyone speaks, who listens?

angels on the moon.

2009-01-20T14:01:00.002+08:00

My paper ended at 8.05 last night so naturally, mum and I were stuck in a traffic jam on the way home. An hour long jam, might I add, which honestly didn't feel all that bad.

For some odd reason (considering I just sat for the disastrous C4 paper), the both of us were in a pretty happyhappyjoyjoy mood. We talked about selling off furniture in our house to make room for new ones, planned some sneaky shopping time when my dad's off to Penang (again) next weekend, tried predicting the future and laughed about weird family members.

My short-term memory is probably the reason why I can't remember the exact details of last night's conversation but I do remember a bazillion "Omg Mummy!"-s and laughing until my stomach hurt.

Oh and not to forget her face as she tried stiffling laughter while I was practicing Hokkien. She's now going to teach me five words/sentences/phrases a day so eventually, I'd be able to at least speak in code with her (since no one else in the house can speak Hokkien).

My absolutely favourite quote of the day was when the both of us were talking about my mum setting me up with someone and just as I told her, "But he has to be cute!", she said, "Of course la! If he isn't handsome, I wouldn't even consider him."

:D

Yes, I truly am mummy's little girl ;)

menuju ke medan jaya.

2009-01-20T11:25:00.005+08:00

Can you believe that it's already been over a year since we've left? A year since we walked the corridors like we owned them, a year since we annoyed the hell out of Miss Thana with sushi jokes, a year since Puan Chua taught us about pushing watermelons through garden hoses, a year since Puan Wong was our very own Britney Spears.

Good times, for sure.

good enough for you.

2009-01-16T03:35:00.000+08:00

It's 3.34 am and I'm typing this with my Econs books under my arms.

It's 3.34am and all I can worry about is what the hell I'm going to wear to college tomorrow.

Shoot me please.

for this wicked world.

2009-01-15T17:56:00.006+08:00

I'm happy.

I'm counting on you to keep your promise.

Somehow, someway, we'll make it happen, baby.

September 09' ♥.

time can't hurt you.

2009-01-15T17:50:00.004+08:00

Fifteen years, three weeks and four days later :)

Practically like family.

love and some verses.

2009-01-14T11:39:00.003+08:00

And I can still hear your whispers in my ear.
And I can still taste your scent around me.
And I can feel, ever so softly, your lips lingering near mine.

I hate it when I'm sleep deprived.

promise what you will.

2009-01-10T23:20:00.003+08:00

Okay, so maybe I've been in denial about my paranoia.

According to the examination guidelines, we're only allowed to use black pens (this already is messing with my OCD-ness), so in preparation for my papers, I have three new black gel pens. In case something were to happen with those, I have a back up black G1 pen (and extra refill - just in case). And if something happens to that pen, I have a black ball point pen to spare.

But what if something were to happen to all my black pens? Then I'll have two blue superfine tip ball point pens (one new, one old) and two fine tip pens. Oh! And one blue G1 pen as well.

As for pencils, I have two 2B pencils but if the lead breaks (which could so totally happen!) and because I don't have a good pencil sharpener, I'm bringing along two mechanical pencils as well (one 0.5 and one 0.7) - with a box of lead each, of course.

In addition to my ruler, I also have two erasers, one with a smaller surface for more detailed erasing and one normal one for quicker erasing (like if I need to erase an entire sum).

You won't believe how much more calm I feel already.

my only after.

2009-01-10T15:47:00.002+08:00

In between Integration (I hate C4) and Accounts;

To those still in high school, I have quite a few brand new Form 4 and 5 topical and past-year workbooks to sell at well, unbelievably awesome prices.

If you're interested, let me know! (:

half in love with elizabeth.

2009-01-08T19:39:00.004+08:00

Two words to describe this week - imbalanced hormones.

on the verge of adulthood.

2009-01-03T00:03:00.001+08:00

"Do you know you have stalkers at HELP?"

"Hah, yeah right."

"No, seriously. And I'm going to find them and break their faces."

It's times like these that I'm truly at a loss for words.

Though you won't wash the dishes, hog the damn Internet connection and still won't allow me on your bed,

Merry twentieth big brother (:

~~The~~ My world would be a strange place without you.

seventeen forever.

2008-12-27T23:32:00.001+08:00

The (way too) long overdue birthday post (:

7th December 2008;

Truth be told, I'm the kind of person to only celebrate milestone birthdays in grand fashion. Otherwise, it's just a simple do with people I love. Since turning seventeen doesn't quite make the cut to be considered a 'milestone', I opted for a simple picnic with thirteen of my close friends.

How my hair was supposed to look like.

Before I arrived (I was only late by an hour and a half!)

Look how happy the Chinese boy is when he sees free food!

Berlykins - I really like this picture.

My Scapegoat.

Always thought there was something queer about him.

Nana!

Camp Five <3.

Half of the Soul Sisters. HAHA!

Viddieku!

♥

Family :)

Sri Amanians.

Berl attempted to have an actual photo shoot.

My favourite shot of the both of us.

In true nature.

Na really wanted a balloon-face-balloon-face picture for some reason.

We assigned colours that felt most appropriate to those who weren't able to make it.

Blue - Bree, Green - Farah, Magenta (cause its the closest to red) - Mandy, Purple - Mei, Yellow - Lena.

This is my bestest best friend in the whole entire universe! Without her, this picnic would have been a disaster. I love you, best friend!

Class Five - See Bree! We didn't forget you (:

Random.

Even more random.

Ong Vern(hyphen)Ming.

I love bubbles!

Being bullied -_-.

Homemade.

The remaining ones.

Erm, yes, she is usually like this.

Bubblesbubblesbubbles!

I love balloons!

Trio ♥

Phoebe, Monica, Rachel - My constants.

We later had a three car baby duck line all the way to downtown to join the Lapsap Bazaar at Palate Palette.

...and I bumped into Kubhandren! I can't thank you enough for doing what noone else could :)

My SS1 kaki.

I wouldn't say the day was perfect but it came pretty damn close :)

9th December 2008;

I sortakinda forgot to fix plans on my actual birthday. The two days prior to my birthday felt pretty anti-climatic, what after all the crazy picnic plans. Thankfully, the best friend is on her term break break so she took the liberty to accompany me doing absolutely...nothing. Good times :)

It was my first time ever that I had class on my birthday - not that I went for all of them. Went to college, dropped the cupcakes off with Suff, checked my university applications, went forty minutes late for Math and then skipped the rest of the classes.

Nique&I headed to Bangsar first before going all the way to Pyramid where we had good Japanese food and sat for hours (no, seriously) at Gloria Jean's.

Does she really need an introduction?

The view outside.

Made with love :)

Mango Smoothie & Hot Chocolate.

Watching him work :)

That damn cup. Haha.

And then a close-up.

Some random guy at Gloria Jean's.

Thank you :)

Sometime in the evening, Lal&Berl dropped by after attempts at a surprise - which needless to say, didn't quite work out.

Their birthday note + coffee stains(!)

Dinner was spent with the family at La Bodega BSC - just because I'm the birthday girl and I ~~demanded~~ asked politely for some Spanish cuisine (me love me Tapas!).

Spot the similarities #1.

Sasha&Shakeil Bashir :)

My (surprise) birthday cake, carrot cake from Alexis - my favourite!

La Familia.

Ohemgee! Look at those cheekbones.

Spot the similarities #2.

Pa&Mummy.

I crashed on my bed not long after opening the remainder of my presents.

Frank the Cheeky Chickey.

&&the gorgeous flowers from Berl&Lal!

Even though I didn't do much, I enjoyed the day. Only one of my four wishes - the craziest of them all - came true and honestly, that's pretty alright with me.

Maybe this is what it's like to turn a year older - to begin to realize what really is of importance, to appreciate the true beauty of things and to treasure each and every moment with those we love.

Or maybe this is just due to the lack of sleep.

Oh well, whatever it is, happy seventeenth to me.

hurry down the chimney.

2008-12-25T12:31:00.004+08:00

Say hello to my little friend.

sweeter when shared.

2008-12-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

Just so we're clear - you're the one that called it quits and decided to cut ties between us.

I'm just following through with your plan.

so what does it all mean?

2008-12-14T15:48:00.000+08:00

One step closer.

when you can live forever.

2008-11-29T10:33:00.002+08:00

And it's the little things I see in my everyday life that make me happy - like a silver volvo or a shiny red apple.

I'm still not over it.

how did we get here?

2008-11-26T21:58:00.005+08:00

I must admit that I'm quite superstitious about birthday presents. I refrain myself from opening presents before my actual birthday simply because I was brought up that way.

Last night I broke my (almost) seventeen year upbringing.

And I must say, I have never received a gift that had so much thought, love and care put into it.

She gave me a wishing well.

"I know about the rough year you've had, and I just hope your seventeenth will bring better times".

I'm not quite certain if it stands more as a reminder of a bitter year or more of a reminder to not lose faith, even when it seems like the worst has come upon you.

As for now, it is a pretty little pendant hanging on a gold chain around my neck; proof that friendships can withstand the test of time.

Thank you, Berlin Liew.

like a drug.

2008-11-21T19:19:00.002+08:00

Crying in public.

Now that is definitely a first.

It's just all too familiar - way too familiar.

hushed affection.

2008-11-20T15:04:00.006+08:00

I must say, for the longest time, I didn't understand the best friend's obsession with this particular fictional character. After all, he was just another boy (though I use this word rather loosely) conjured up to play with our emotions, making us believe that yes, the impossible can happen.

It took me almost an entire year to succumb to it and admittedly, I finally did - two days ago. I'm only done with the first, but my emotions are already all over the place.

The funny thing is, I can confidently say that I'm not as in love with a certain Edward Cullen as much as others may be.

I certainly did like the way he constantly worries, how he traced her cheeks with his ice cold fingers, how he would lean so close to her face and oh, his crooked little smile (or how I imagine it would be). I especially like how he was persistent in protecting her, despite her objections. But my mind didn't wander off creating a fantasy boy as I flipped through the pages. I guess, strangely enough, it was simply because he was described to be far too muscular for my skinny boy taste.

However, even though I cringed at certain parts of the book, I couldn't help but fall in love with Bella's thoughts on him. It just seemed all to familiar - the feeling of ordinariness, the way she couldn't get over how someone so gorgeous could fall in love with her, the dizzy feeling when she's with him and how goodbye was just too damn hard.

The less I fell in love with Edward, the more I feel in love with him.

My longing for him to say the words he once said grew stronger as the book came to an end. I've always had a hard time separating fiction and reality. Like I said, it plays with my emotions - something I rather not have tampered with.

It made me wonder if he'd ever get jealous the way Edward did, if he'd ever be so worried as Edward constantly is, if he'd ever be so thoughtful as Edward is, if he'd ever pull me close as Edward did or even if he'd ever understand the grasp he had (/has) on me as Edward has on Bella.

"Enough for forever".

And that's when my heart just gave way.

imagine all the people.

2008-11-16T14:44:00.004+08:00

Oh jesus, I've spent hours on Google Maps because well, it amuses me.

First set of invites are almost complete. I'm quite happy!

My hand smells like chicken after I stuffed it up the chicken's unmentionables.

Okay, I really should study for my further math mocks tomorrow.

Ah, fudge it, Google Maps here I come!

where the city meets the sea.

2008-11-15T16:38:00.005+08:00

I swear my emotions have been so unstable lately.

Last night's excitement and this morning's contentedness has been quickly replaced with sheer anxiety. It's really getting out of hand, I reckon. But now all I can do is worry. Worry about Monday, worry about December, worry about next year.

I really think the little voice at the back of my head needs to go on holiday for a day or two.

Just a day or two.

my best friend rocks.

2008-11-15T15:47:00.001+08:00

You don't need me to tell you how much our friendship means to me. So you must understand how I was verging on being utterly upset (and slightly disappointed) over the last couple of weeks.

I know perfectly well that we both have insane schedules. Raised as overachievers, me thinks. We now have a different set of friends, a different college atmosphere and different piles of incomprehensible homework. But sometimes I feel like we're both not trying hard enough to hold on to this friendship. When there's a will, there's a way, right?

Trust me, I totally understand the whole wrapped up in the new-ness of everything and how we only have 24 hours a day. A person can only split him/herself up in so many ways. But to go two weeks without a single word is a little much - even with our hectic schedules combined.

I have to admit, some part of me is convinced that the silence only happened due to the fact I insisted on remaining close-mouthed, just to see if you would take time off to make the first move. But we all know how that turned out.

I just think a little improvement in communication skills is required - on both our parts. For now, only two roads separate us. I dread to think what would happen when those roads change into one big bad ocean and a thirteen hour time difference. Strangers, perhaps?

With all that said, I must say that I had insane amounts of fun yesterday. From the usual chatter, to forgetting money, to accidentally (almost) ending up in Cheras. It's amazing how I need not use actual words for you to understand what I'm trying to describe.

It was honestly an amazing way to end a turbulent week - with good company, good food and great gossip.

Just don't ever disappear again. I probably wouldn't be able to make it.

I sayang my best friend.

here's the countdown.

2008-11-12T20:59:00.001+08:00

15 Things That Remind Me Of Pia

1. Nananananananana, Batman!
2. Pot
3. Troy Bolton in a black hoodie
4. We Are All On Drugs by Weezer
5. Japanese-y stuff
6. Narcotic substances
7. Pot, pot, pot
8. Alex
9. Living out of boxes
10.Things related to pot
11. Fight Club
12. A certain someone we shouldn't so obviously name here
13. Hashpipes
14. Gypsies, fairies and fairy dust
15. More Pot

Now, it feels like I'm missing something...

make a scene.

2008-11-08T18:36:00.006+08:00

Okay, I'm pretty sure a lot of you are confused over my last post. But I hate explaining myself, so whateverrrrrrrr.

I've spent so much time with her this week, it's insane.

HEHE.

Anyhoo, paintball today was awesome x78359535. Seriously. Sure, I could be slightly biased due to the fact that I'm one half of the 'organizing committee' but even the ~~little kids~~ Form Fours said they had fun, so it's all good.

Ayam Goreng (I kid you not).

Kacang Goreng -_-

Rotaract team!

At first the boys were all macho about the body armour, insisting that it wouldn't be fun if they played with it. After the marshall fired some test shots, that machoness seemed to have disappeared as two teams scrambbled to rent them. Now that was quite funny.

(Second) last man standing.

The Rotaract team won three out of two games. Those CHS boys play damn rough la >:(. Didn't your momma teach you not to shoot girls? As a result, two (relatively small) bruises on the left thigh, almost nearly on the same spot. There goes my skirts for a week.

The finalists.

...and then the winners. Yes, BB won.

Oh, this is turning out to be one good weekend.

Classic - check out Rotarian Pua's double peace signs.

Next month's fellowship - reverse bungee jumping :D.

it's your time to speak.

2008-11-08T00:03:00.003+08:00

Dear Vid,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I changed tennis shoes under the bus and I saw you sit on Donald Duck. I'm sure you're man enough to understand that I get turned on my garbage men. I'm returning your love letters to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about a new life as a clone.

Go and drown yourself,

Julie.

and grace will lead me home.

2008-11-07T10:39:00.004+08:00

Amazing Grace,
how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me.

I know there isn't anything I can say that could make this all go away. And there really isn't much I can do to make things better.

I cannot possibly imagine all the emotions you might be feeling right now but rest assured, you and your family are still in our prayers.

Somehow, someday, you will get through this.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

bob the builder.

2008-11-06T20:11:00.001+08:00

Heh, bimbo moment x2.

vote in the box.

2008-11-05T18:07:00.008+08:00

"If there is anyone out there who doubts that America is a place where anything is possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. Young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled, Americans have sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of red states and blue states. We have been and always will be the United States of America. It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election,
at this defining moment,
change has come to America."

to fill or burst.

2008-11-03T21:56:00.002+08:00

My left shoulder and wrist is starting to act up. It's weird because it's been three whole years since that somewhat minor injury and yet I still can't exert too much pressure on it. I feel crippled >: (. Anyhoo, I figured this is probably just the result of a new (insane) regime I've started.

So daddy dearest helped apply some deep heat because seriously, the pain was (to put it mildly) - excruciating.

What struck me was how just the smell of the deep heat itself could send me on a trip down memory lane. The stadium, the boy dramas and flings, the roti pisang, the starter gun and most of all, the adrenalin that flowed through every inch of your body just as you approach the line and placed your feet on the starter blocks.

There's just nothing like that in college anymore. Nothing that can even come close.

I miss it all, I do - the sights, the sounds, the people.

take it all.

2008-11-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

Needless to say, it didn't last.

How could it when I didn't really believe in it in the first place?

I knew it wasn't meant for me. I knew it wasn't my place to be at. I wasn't comfortable. I wasn't happy. Too much, too soon, too frequently. So, I've returned to my old habits and I've never felt better.

The voice at the back of my head constantly tells me that returning to past mistakes would only lead to self destruction. But I believe in occasionally indulging in things that would make you feel good, and this makes me feel amazing.

I know there are many that may object - if you found out what I've been doing. You'd give me the disappointed speech, say it isn't worth it, try to convince me that where I am now is just the way I'm supposed to be.

Just so you know, I never believed you.

As crazy as it sounds, this is the way I like it and this is the way it is going to be.

I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it.

What do I have to lose?

you just don't know it.

2008-10-30T00:08:00.003+08:00

As of 11.57 pm on the 29th of October 2008, I submitted my application to the five universities of my choice.

Considering I haven't even turned seventeen yet, I have to say, that's pretty damn major.

One foot out the door, baby.

and just breathless.

2008-10-28T22:24:00.003+08:00

The man of my dreams - literally.

last forever.

2008-10-25T12:48:00.001+08:00

If only high school was a musical.

All that I wanna do, I just wanna be with you...

elvis ain't dead.

2008-10-24T00:29:00.005+08:00

Happy Eighteenth, Cina Boyy.

Xx.

honey, honey.

2008-10-22T21:02:00.002+08:00

Everything felt so real. Nothing was out of the ordinary, nothing seemed out of place. Except, well, maybe the fact that you were there at all.

We weren't doing much, just lounging around the house. First at the study where your friends were, listening to the best friend strumming on a guitar. Just the way they always have been - immersed in music.

We then walked out to living room and found our comfy spots on mum's white sofas. We just sat there for the longest time, talking about almost everything under the sun. Just the way we always have been - random with short attention spans.

I suppose to an innocent by-stander, this could mean absolutely nothing - nothing of importance, nothing of great significance. But that's just it, that's the magic of it all, how something so simple could create such a huge impact. ~~Just the way you always have been.~~

I honestly can't remember much. I don't think my subconcious mind would allow me to. Only one thing remains in my memory - how comfortable we were in nothing but each other's company.

...just the way I wanted us to be.

nothing but your t-shirt on.

2008-10-21T18:24:00.003+08:00

Okay, so I might be a ~~couple~~ three months and twenty-one days late, but heck, I stand firm with the belief that it's better late than never.

...There's a lot of pictures la.

Eighty-eight to be exact (and this is only a fraction of the ones saved on my computer).

I strongly urge those with laggy internet connections to just click that red X on the top right corner of the screen.

...seriously.

Anyhoo, just to avoid being sued or whatever, lets just make it clear that not all the pictures are mine. Some are Berlin's, a few are Pei Hau's and there probably are some random ones from random people.

So, may I present to you, HELP's A Levels Annual Ball 2008 :)

No, I did not have this many products on my face.
But the stuff from Benefit are superbly adorable.

The best friend came to the rescue after I called her while freaking out that my hairdo was going to fall apart because (to cut a long story short) I walked in the rain from Telawi to Bangsar LRT station - after the trip to the hair salon, with a newly done mani&padi.

Domesticated goddess.

With the brother - no, he was not my date.

Daddy dearest :)

My dress is more than twenty-five years old. No prizes to guess who it belongs to.

My temans for the night - Brother, Berl, Marsh, Lal, Irshad.

Aris&Dexter.

<3>

Now tell me you don't think this looks absolutely gorgeous.

Why hello, Mr.President.

Across the table.

I still think they should have gone for the salmon as the appetizer.

Jonjon.

Maria's Margarittas.

Because he likes one and I like another.

Main Course - Stuffed chicken with whipped potato.

Adrian 'Mr.Seventeen' Tan.

Rachel Heah.

Sufiyan Abas.

Sen Yi&Alex.

Debra Fong.

Prom King and Prom Queen nominees.

...and then Mischa starts shaking his ass.

I like that red dress...a lot.

Best Dressed nominees.
Oh, and that green dress is pretty too.

So papparazzi-like.

Acting out a Bollywood scene. Notice the tree.

I loved this.

Kevin!

Prom King and Queen.

The outgoing Student Council + some of their dates.

See, Adrian can smile!

Lal&I decided to steal Berl's DSLR and take a walk down to the pool side.

This picture reminds me of a certain someone who sprained his pinky and how we thought it to the kids at the Spastic Centre.

The outside.

The inside.

Group shot! - Alex, Aris, Pia, Angeline, Germaine, Jason.

+ Tan and Eugene.

Gorgeous Angie.

Eugene actually asked if I preferred him to squat in this picture >: (

Alex Cheah - One of the first few people I met during orientation :)

Them boys.

They were trying to do the 1-10 Lala poses, except there were only five people.

Say it with me, "Awwwww".

Ex-KDUians.

Last shot of the day right before I called it a night/morning.

Well, there you go.

Don't say I didn't warn you about the overload of pictures.

Until next year, then.

your final lullaby.

2008-10-15T21:23:00.006+08:00

I've been left to contemplate something major for some days now and while completing my homework just awhile ago, I realised the answer was somewhat just right in front of me (literally).

Lo and behold, I looked up from my pile of work to see a note I had a written that simply said;

My advice is to not let the boys in.

So I made up my mind.

You were so last year.

be my whatever, boy.

2008-10-14T23:49:00.003+08:00

Sure, I'm often wearing a mini-skirt and I have more three-inch stilettos than ballet pumps or flip flops, but heck, in no way am I gonna squeal at dirt or a worm. So it was kindasorta demeaning when there were some who were surprised that I actually was interested for the hike. I mean, it's just a hike. Am I really seen to be so incapable of going through such a thing?

But all things aside, kudos to Jon for a really great effort.

The following pictures of lastlast weekend's hike are all courtesy of Suet Wei - since I couldn't find the extra batteries for my camera.

If you squint, you can see red arrows. That's the number of times we crossed Sungai Chiling (I kid you not).

Just after the hike up.

The waterfall was absolutely gorgeous. Too bad pictures couldn't do it justice.

Did I mention we were the only girls among a bus load (and a couple of cars) of boys?

Jonny Jon.

Yes, Alex is insane - just in case you were wondering.

Kay Cheong's quite funny.

Oh, I also realised my love for scouts is pretty much...still there.

Sam Lock (my Further Math lecturer/mentor) told me in class,
"I saw the pictures on Facebook. So fat!"

...and he says it in this insanely Chinese-y way.

Tatsuki stacking rocks on rocks - vertically. (He's a ninja, I swear!)

Alex and his tanning.

Just for the record, Tatsuki doesn't do much to make us not believe he's a ninja. I mean, diving into shallow icy cold water, stacking rocks vertically and climbing poles? Oh, sure, like you could do that.

Only he can.

Because he's ~~Japanese~~ a ninja.

And what surprised me the most was how much fun I could have with some I barely know and most I've never even met before.

'Twas a good experience, really.

the art of subconcious illusions.

2008-10-13T23:51:00.002+08:00

What do you say we go back to my room and do some math:

Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

...Okay, so maybe I'm a little bit of a ~~horny~~ math geek.

lets be more than this.

2008-10-10T15:14:00.000+08:00

A few questions that I need to know,

How you could ever hurt me so,

I need to know what I've done wrong

and how long it's been going on.

To be honest, I haven't really thought about you in awhile. I've gotten over that. I won't deny however, that yes, occasionally, you do somewhat run through my mind. But I'd only be too quick to brush it off. If you're not dwelling on me, why should I dwell on you?

Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane,
but I'll know never to make
the same mistake again.

Yet sometimes all I want to do is come back home and spend hours on the phone with you - just like we used to. Sometimes I think that things could return to how they are, to what I remember it us to be. But more often than not, I feel like this is a battle not worth fighting. Not when the prize refuses to be won.

You can tell me to my face,
or even on the phone,
You can write it in a letter,
either way, I have to know.
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind,
All the answers to my questions
I have to find.

There's so many things I wish I could say to you, so many things I want to say to you. But I'm always stopped at the tracks, waiting (not so) patiently for the red light to change to green. Every attempt at piecing the thoughts together just results in words that sound so final.

But maybe that's just it. Maybe that's the only way it we can be - nothing.

We both knew too well that being friends just isn't for us.

I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong,
No, I'm just waiting,
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long.

So with this goodbye, many questions are left unanswered. Why did you do the things you did leaving me the way I am? Why did you start things you knew you couldn't finish? What changed you? I've come to terms that despite what you say, you won't hand those answers on a silver platter.

I should have known better.

I'll keep searching,

Deep within my soul,

For all the answers,

Don't wanna hurt no more.

...and now I do.

kiss and tell.

2008-10-03T15:24:00.001+08:00

I dare say that Raya this year has been a complete 180.

No convoys to open houses, no heart-to-hearts' with Koh Su Mei and most of all, no stolen kisses.

To think it's almost a year since a certain purple baju melayu and that recording at Sarah's place.

But then again, it's not like I actually celebrate Raya.

Considering the best friend has made friends with sheep, the twin is back in Kuching and everyone else seems to be either studying for exams, gone back to their hometowns or studying for exams in their hometowns, I've spent the last week with family.

Went back to Ipoh over the weekend for my grandfather's 20th anniversary. I never had the chance to meet my grandfather, but from all that I've heard from family, friends and even people I don't know of, he seemed to be one remarkable man. Someone people looked up to and respected. Someone so dedicated and loving that it amazes me. It was heartbreaking to see my grandmother. All I wanted to do was bend down and hug her as she held back the tears and leaned to kiss my grandfather's grave. Twenty years without her soul mate. How could anyone survive that?

As terrified as I am of all things supernatural, I somewhat enjoyed walking around the graves, trying to decipher the faded carvings on the tomb stones. An unexplainable feeling would hit me every time I see a grave only a couple feet long. It must have been a child - I would utter to myself. I can't help but to wonder what had happened all those years back (most of the graves were from the 70's and 80's). When a family was buried all on the same day, what could have happened? Fire? Accident? Murder? Some graves have been left unattended for decades, covered with weeds and moss. I don't know, there's just something about cemeteries that gets to me - the peacefulness, the mystery, the silence.

I've enjoyed the time alone so far, I think. Been spending so much time in the kitchen that my family has actually had home cooked food for the last few days.

The very tall pile of homework is still staring back at me, untouched for several weeks.

It's already Friday and there's still so much left to do. Maybe I should stop procrastinating, maybe I should stick to my priorities, maybe I should complete all the half written posts saved under my drafts.

...Or maybe I should bake blueberry muffins.

Yes, now that sounds sane enough.

Blueberry muffins, yum.

run baby, run.

2008-09-26T16:23:00.004+08:00

You won't believe the number of times I counted to 100 today, the number of times I had to breathe in and out just to make sure I wouldn't explode, the number of times I clinched my fist only to remind myself that "No, this is not worth getting angry over".

Well, I always was quite an angry teen.

But this isn't the first time I found your logic rather erm, illogical. What is the point of informing someone else on transport matters when I've already made plans with you? What is the point of only deciding to go for lunch at the designated time that you knew I specifically needed to be picked up? What is the point of defending yourself when you knew clearly that you're in the wrong?

All you needed to do was apologize.

To think just this morning I was regretting ever being snappy and sarcastic to you when I knew you did (almost) nothing to deserve such treatment.

Well today, you definitely earned it.

Watch me as I stab a pen through your photograph.

chemical burns.

2008-09-15T23:39:00.002+08:00

I don't think the word 'upset' makes the cut.

But I'm sure there has to be something to describe the way I feel right about now. A word that could just sum up all these suppressed emotions running through my veins. Anger, disappointment, jealousy - the list just goes on.

You speak as though you've memorized it's bible. You say things with the unmistakable aura of a know-it-all. Don't be foolish, you are no where close. And god forbid you think I am.

But I do know that I've earned the right to say that I've had years more experience than your last few weeks of so-called exposure. I certainly have gone through a lot more than you have, sacrificed a lot more than you have and definitely dedicated a lot more than you have.

Maybe you think I'm nothing but jealous, nothing but a person sitting on her high horse reminiscing of her past glory. Say what you want to whomever you want but I only ask of one thing from you. Please stop acting like you've been born into this. Stop acting like this is where you belong, like this is your one true calling.

'Friends' does not entitle you to immunity. It doesn't give you the right to brag about your minor achievements. Be sensitive, my friend. You already know how I feel about this, how much this one thing means to me. Do you really lack compassion? Are you that full of yourself that you're blinded?

I admit that I do expect a lot from those I call my friends. Selfish, I know. I expect you to understand how this could possibly make me feel, to know your boundaries - for I know mine.

So please, try not to disappoint once again.

There's only so many times I can forgive.

walking with a ghost.

2008-09-15T21:36:00.002+08:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

or

Out of sight, out of mind?

You decide.

disturb the sound of silence.

2008-09-10T22:14:00.006+08:00

I dare say we've grown up (mentally) together. Sure, we've only known each other for seven years, but we've gone through so much that it just won't be fitting if we weren't as close as we are now.

From the young(er) days...

2004

2005

...till' now.

2006

2007

We've celebrated many birthdays together,

Your seventeenth

My sixteenth

went through high school together,

Genting 05'

Rompin 07' (just to summarize the Interact drama over the years)

Maroon Monsters
and then graduated together.

We went for prom together,

rocked out at concerts together,

My Chemical Romance

Panic at the Disco

holidayed in Bangkok together,

and also made truckloads of friends along the way.

Charmed, Matchmaking, Oreo Bambinos, Trio

Muffy Popz, Class Five, Camp Five, Holiday Trio

I think it's certainly safe to say that we've come a long way.

I like how our friendship withstood the test of time and distance.

Even crazy college schedules can't keep us apart.

I like how we could have fun doing the silliest of things...

...or just nothing at all.

So we kinda spent hours taking pictures in your bathroom

I like how each other's company is well beyond enough.

And how we spent almost all day everyday together last year (and didn't kill each other).

With Mr. Cheen & Mr Willy (:

I like how you listen to me rant about everything under the sun and not once did you ask me to shut the fuck up when I didn't make any sense.

I'm lucky to have spent so many years experiencing many new things with you, knowing that no matter what, I'd always have you by my side.

And don't you ever doubt that I'd be right by your side too.

Happy happy eighteenth, best friend <3.

...just another eighty-two years till you're hundred.

p/s I spared the really young pictures from primary school - lets minimize public humiliation here.